You, you and you

I sense a complete cutoff next. Wait, there almost is one already. Why is it like this? I get the feeling that he really hates me and wants to cut me off completely. What did I do wrong? Did I do too much? Do things that seem more than friends? Or am I suppose to even not treat him as a friend? Ignore his existence? I can't do that, that much about myself I understand. Am I thinking too much about this whole thing?

Why is it that after knowing him my sense of existence just keeps diminishing? I feel this small, does anybody understand? I am afraid of myself. I don't trust myself anymore because I don't know what I'll do next. *scratch head* Does it make sense? I don't know if what I do is right or wrong, if I'll irritate him or anybody else. I think I need to blame somebody, but it's not his fault. I know it's entirely mine. Maybe I should thank him, because only now do I know that I can be this irritating and stupid as well as this unimportant. I'm blaming him, aren't I? Why can't I just let go? It just goes around in a circle. He's right, if we'd stayed on in that manner, who knows what I'd have done to him.

An ant, I feel like an ant. A small, black ant. Would you notice a single black ant?

Did I do this to myself or is it him? I think it's me. I erased myself bit by bit.

Does anybody understand? I erased myself. I told him something about this a long time ago, but can't remember what it is exactly. I told him to stand up for himself, I think. Is it something about others can don't-know-what-you-but-only-you-can-something. What did I tell him? Can he tell me what did I tell him? How ironic. It's as if I gave my identity away.

Do you know me? I am you, you and you. You define me, dictate what I should say, do and think. A little bit of everybody and everything. I erased myself, then I blended in. If you didn't look properly, you wouldn't notice me. I was never outstanding, I lied to myself and it was a nice illusion while it lasted. He was part of that illusion when I thought I stood out, had a personality. Time to go back to where I was. In the background.