Reorient

I decided I needed to reorient my life, so erm, I'm leaving this blog for a while. Difficult to say what will happen to it lah, hor. I always say close it but it is still open now, so I'll just leave it here. Feel free to re-read my entries =P

Love all of you! *hugs*

A leaving quote to make you all laugh, as seen from my friend's MSN nick:

The 7 dwarfs were feeling happy, so happy left.

Another blog, another name, another identity. Anonymity, maybe for a while, maybe forever.

I'm Yours

Beautifully simple song by Jason Mraz. Heard it on YZ's blog. Thanks for the recommendation!



Here's the MTV:



The lyrics for the MTV and actual song might differ slightly. In any case, hope you'll enjoy it!

I'm Yours
by Jason Marz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A la peaceful melody
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed

I guess what I’ll be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Smaller "Black Hole"

OK, finished ranting a little last night. Some sleep plus a decision and I'm feeling better today. Now I feel a little more like last semester.

Have a good day today, people!

Black Hole

At times when I think I'm losing oneself, abandoning myself to despair, down the very road my father just warned me against...

There is a familiar light - warm and pure. It has a scent of the past, a taste of freedom, a glimpse of the ideal.

For a while I am immersed in the beauty of it all. It caresses my face, lifting the corners of my lips.

Tried to grab hold of it,
almost violently.
It slips past my fingers easily.

-----------------
I start to wonder what is this.
It might very likely be a strong need of control and affection. I'd do almost anything to get affection, even if it might very well be (very) short term, even if I know it is not healthy, even if I know it is not a solution, even if I know I am ruining a part of my life in this way.

I'm jealous, insanely jealous.

Attention seeker

Think I'm really an attention seeker at times. I'd do almost anything to get the attention I want, if I want it.

Sometimes I scare myself.

October

October. It will be the time of change. After October, I won't be able to ask him out again.

Why

There was this guy I was almost dating with once, not too long ago, (anyway all my relationships are almost(es).) and he sort of said, "Don't know how many guys you've slept with before..."

Part of me wanted to laugh because I was actually honoured - I don't find myself in any way attractive when compared to the average girl. Another part of me wanted to slide down and hide under the blankets (ahem, now where was I) in embarrassment both at the frankness of the topic and at the impression I must have given some people I know.

I give in easily to temptation. Really very easily. Sometimes when I'm in the mood I might flirt a little. Sometimes when I'm really in the mood I might do extreme flirting. Ah, but never once have I just slept with any other guy ok. Anyway...

Couple of days ago, a male friend asked me what would make a girl blowjob, how would she feel, and other specifics along this line. And I never realized until then, when I had to answer his question, what would make me do it, what it meant to me.

Only when I like the person and want to be closer to him. That is all.

It might change in future, but for now that would be the answer. Sometimes I really don't get one's stupidity.

Lost

Am lost. But this piece in my archives I'm listening to soothes me and tells me I can find it back.

Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence