The Odor

Outright, I have hardly been racist. Maybe I'm a passive one, a person who will outrightly never think of performing a racist act but the idea of racism is ingrained inside him/her and he/she can perform such an act without really noticing it. There's a term for it but I forgot. Yes, I think I'm one of those. I think a lot of us are.

I have a maid. Well, she's technically ours but not really ours because she was hired to look after my uncle who's diabetic, has a low IQ and is one legged. When I was still living at my old place, she'd walk over to our place once every one or two days to clean the house etc, but now that we've moved back to our old place, directly opposite my uncle's, she comes over more than once per day to clean, wash dishes, bring whatever clothes over etc. (Don't say that I'm blessed! I hate it to the core. I'd rather do all the cleaning myself.) Besides the fact that I don't like her coming over because (I just don't like it and) I feel like my privacy is invaded, she also brings her body odor with her. Think it's not her fault because she bathes twice daily, just that she has that distinct smell that some Indonesians have and I'm very uncomfortable with it. I don't dare to enter my room immediately after she has cleaned it because the smell would linger for a while. Similarly, wherever she goes, I don't exactly follow either. Sometimes when she walks past, I hold my breath. Since she works in the kitchen quite often, somehow the kitchen, especially the sink area, has absorbed her smell. Now I really hate walking into the kitchen for anything. Recently I've begun to open all windows whenever it is not raining, just to air the place. Whatever I can open to let air in, I open. Of course not including the rubbish chute.

Today it has reached another limit for me and I finally dug out the scented candles that my father once bought and put one in the kitchen. But the damn scented candles have no scent! Instead, the fire seem to bring out the odor in the kitchen. I thought that maybe because she will lean her body onto the sink's area when washes the dishes, I used a cloth to wipe the table top and the doors of the cupboard beneath the sink. Immediately after, the smell was much weaker. It was a great relief.

I know I ought to feel guilty about talking about her in this way but I don't actually feel so. I'm actually.... reveling in it. Is it very bad of me?