Disappointed

A little... disappointed, not sure why. Maybe because... Hmm, this is a wake-up call as to how no-strings-attached the whole issue is. Silly me keeps forgetting. Occasionally I wonder if we even count as friends. Somehow I don't feel that way. Most of the times we seem less than friends, more of acquaintances, or perhaps even less than that. I don't quite know how to describe this emptiness inside.

Having somebody brush aside something you sincerely offer, is not a good feeling, regardless of how many times it has occurred before. This up-coming concert is one in a long while that I feel confident about and would really like to present to others the group of people I've been playing with and the music we are creating.

Last practice session was insanely wonderful. For the first time in a while, my ears opened up and I was hearing music as music, not merely notes. For the first time in a while, I felt the adrenaline and the emotions of playing as a group. It has been many years since the last time, a little too long, in my opinion.

Perhaps that is why this feeling of disappointment is so large - because the eagerness of wanting to share is there, because I don't know how many such sessions I would be able to experience, because I don't know how many such concerts I'd be able to play in.

Then again, maybe I'm just silly enough to just want to share with him, for reasons I no longer know, have, or understand.

Ah! I feel better now after letting it out!