Irrationality

It defies rationality, uplifting yet upsetting at the same time. It throws me back into the darkest abyss, yet it also brings me an inexplicable joy. Like laughing and crying at the same time. Pain piercing through you, a symbol of both sadness and happiness. Loudest silence, happiest sadness - oxymorons. The strong urge to look, mixed with an equally strong fear of looking.
He's finally back, and I'm again back where I was.