My blog is was my diary

When I first started blogging, I told myself I will be completely truthful here. Every word that was typed was as close to the real thing as possible, every thought put down was carefully thought through and given as many perspectives as possible. It was a great way to think about certain things that needed dealing with. I kept to my word to be completely truthful. I have written entries that people probably would not write, bared my heart, practically put everything on my mind down into words. I have exposed horrid parts of my character, revealed my darkest thoughts, wrote of people I was angry with although they read my blog. Somebody even said that I really treat my blog as my diary and I was really glad about that.

Then one day I realized I cannot put everything down as it is because it will hurt others. I realized that no matter how hard I try to phrase my words or structure my entry to be as fair as possible, people read differently from what I intended. Things I thought would be alright to put down were not. So I don't put as much things down anymore. It upset me because this was not the original purpose of my blog. It was really my diary, created for the purpose of storing and sharing my thoughts in the most honest way possible. You know why I wanted to close this blog so many times? Or how I once childishly renamed it something else? Because I was utterly true to this place for so long and then when I had to start to sieve through my thoughts for appropriate ones to put here, it was quite devastating. As if I were lying to this blog.

So here I am with my blog as it is now, lots of things sieved out because it is for the best of everybody. I have allowed the rules of our social world and reality seep into this little space because afterall, this blog is public. Not many readers, but enough to need to practice discreetness.

So much I'm feeling, yet not one word I can put down frankly.