I thought

So. It just has to be like this. I should stop hoping and wishing. Stop thinking that it's really over and things are returning to normal. I thought this is normal, but it is not. This is not my world, wasn't mine to begin with. I had enjoyed it so much, why can't I have it? Suddenly I understand the extent to which I have to retreat and it scares me. I regret, I really regret. I thought people were allowed to make mistakes. I made a mistake, I realized I was wrong and I have learned from it but why can't I be allowed to go on? Why can't things just go on? I don't want it to be like this, but if there's even a probability of the subject matter being me, I don't want it. Guilt. I wonder how I can ever get rid of it or if it's forever imprinted in my past, present and future. If I have to disappear, then I will because I don't want to be the burden, don't want to be the chain.

I thought things were finally over. Why is it not?