Inertia

I can't remember if it was something I used to tell somebody or it was something that somebody used to tell me, but it went something like this,

Others can help to build you up, but they can also knock you down. Only you can keep yourself up.

Oh I checked. I told this to somebody after he wrote a depressing post,

If you don't help yourself, nobody can. An outsider can build up your confidence, then crush it again. Only you can maintain it.

I asked my friend the other day, 我有回头路吗? Of course, he replied. But what I do, what I did, won't it be always be there? He couldn't reply.

I asked myself, if I could, would I change anything, would I do anything differently?

No, I won't do anything differently, because this is what makes me. Because mistakes as they are, I treasure and honor them. For now I have caught a glimpse of what things could be. Anyway if I were to be able to turn back time, I would still possess the same mindset I had than, and if I have the same mindset, how am I to know how things would turn out, how am I to know what I do not want?
I am still learning, I am still in the process of knowing what I want and do not want. Unfortunately, I am immensely curious about how things will turn out if I do things the way I do. There is also a familiar sense of inertia, knowing that this is something I have to go through and at the end of it, I will understand certain things better. Yet there is also my intuition which is urging me down another path, but I cannot tell if this intuition is only another part of this inertia or a totally different thing.

And if others cannot accept what I did or am doing, I will not blame them because to each his own. If they judge me as cheap then so be it and I will remember it. But this is me and I cannot reject myself. I know it is only a matter of time.