Saturday horror - taking it one step at a time

Every time Saturday arrives and it's time for practice, I find myself dragging my feet, dreading the hour I have to step into the studio. I even dread Friday itself.

What started out as enjoyment has since turned into obligation and fear. I start to wonder why things have turned out this way. When has music as an enjoyment morphed itself into this horror I have to face every weekend? My 4 months leave from practice was probably one of the best time I have ever had. The sense of freedom was satisfying. But now that the time has come and exams are over, it is no excuse to avoid practices anymore.

I suddenly realize what this feeling is similar to - the feeling of work.

I am still there because of the opportunities it brings, the experience earned, the monetary benefits. Much as I want to, yearn to, even, enjoy the music I am playing, I feel a certain restriction. Perhaps one day I will take the easy way out but now is not yet the time. For now I will bear with it, apply my new-found philosophy to this issue - to deal with one issue at a time, giving a single thing presented to me the attention it is needed, for I have realized, until I can learn to give my best, there will never be a sense of satisfaction or results to show. And until I have learned this, I cannot move on, for I have found that putting one's mind to the task at hand is a discipline, perhaps even the very basis for everything.

So it is. My mind is pretty much made up. I will deal with the sensations that come, one at a time, not pondering too much and too deeply at a stipulated point when full concentration is needed to overcome that task.

For what is the use to think of something you have no control over, when there is something else you have full control over in front of you, right at this point in time.