Away

Hi everybody. I should be away for a short period of time. In the meantime take care of yourselves! You can also check out my friends' blogs at the sidebar or watch some animation on youtube. =) By the way, if you haven't watched Kiwi!, you should. It's really cute and kind of inspirational.

Bye!

Pricked - results are out

Well I think it's confirmed now. 3 weeks ago we went for the blood test and now the results are out - It's my father and my brother who have alpha thalassaemia minor while my mom and I are in the clear. So that's a grand total of 3 in our family who has it. If you think about it, I'm really very lucky. I've been kind of lucky all my life. Blessed, perhaps? I have minor problems, but never escalating into severe. With my sister for sure with the blood disorder, there were only 2 possibilities left:

1) One of my parents + my brother or me have the disorder, the other kid will be fine
2) One of my parents have the disorder and both my brother and I are fine.

And it has to be the first case, with me in the clear.

Not sure how to describe how I feel now either. Not exactly disappointed nor elated. Just that thinking of my brother and how he'll do in the army and of so many things that he can't do inside, a bit heartache for him. Not to mention that I feel kind of guilty (like my mom also feels kind of guilty) because I feel that he ought not to have this, instead it should be me. I don't think I really deserve such a blessed life though I'm really glad that I have it. I mean like, I kind of have all the bad personality traits while my brother kind of has the better ones, so why is it that he has the disorder and not me? Does life always work this way? That the good one will always face more challenges? Actually even before the results were out, before we took the blood test, I kind of expected that I'd be equally lucky this time round. Not extreme luck, you know, just blessed with the health. Yes, the disorder isn't exactly serious but still...

Not sure, kind of wish that it's the other way round, that it is me who has it and not my brother.

Pissed at blur me

This time round I'm utterly pissed at myself.

Matter #1
Don't know what's wrong with me, saw all the test dates wrongly. Thought there was a test tomorrow but there isn't. Luckily I didn't study for it either. Blessing in disguise?

Matter #2
Feel like I let myself down on today's Biopsychology test. Should have studied a bit more and a bit harder, covered more areas. It shouldn't have been difficult if I had studied properly. Found out before the test that it covers 40% of the total grade. This is one of the highest ever and I'm undeniably upset. I wonder if I can still score a good grade for this or not.

As a result of all these, I shall now fully concentrate on the next test, Abnormal Psychology, this Thursday. This time round I don't care if I sleep 4 hours, I'll squeeze in as much as I can in full detail. Abnormal Psychology, though interesting, is full of details - aetiology, treatments, symptoms, diagnoses. Sometimes it's driving me crazy and sometimes, haha, half-way through studying I'll be like "hey! I have this symptom!" It's a crazy (pun not intended) module, but I really like it.

I wonder if I can still pull my CAP up to the 4 mark. Technically it's still possible but extremely difficult in practice. Yeah, I'll just give it a shot.

Turns out I only have 2 term tests this week. Not sure whether to laugh or not.

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Do you know that there's a "Narrator" programme in your Windows? It's meant to help people with visual impairments. Narrator can read aloud, dialog boxes options and more. I accidentally pressed something on the keyboard. I think you can call it up by pressing Ctrl+Shift+Space bar or try searching for "Narrator" on your computer.

Married woman - will you let her party?

I was reading SH's latest post on a married woman who went disco and got herself drunk. Well since it's not a long post I'll just quote it here:

Recently there was this case of a man being killed while staying at his in-laws' place in Malaysia during Chinese New Year. What caught my interest is not the murder itself.

The wife is a mother of 2 (one 15 years old, the other 13), she left her kids at home and went to disco, got herself drunk, blah blah blah. Now, do you think a woman of her position should go disco? (getting drunk is another thing) Do you think it's like 不守妇道? Then you would say it's the equality of the genders, so if a father can have night life, so can the mother.

I don't know how to explain my stand, but somehow I just find it not right.

Don't know why but I feel quite indignant about what he said. Why should a woman give up something she enjoy or a way of relaxing just because she's married and have kids? Is a woman who parties necessarily a bad person? A slut? An unworthy mother? Maybe that's her way of relaxing, right? So what if you're a mother? If you teach your kids right but you enjoy partying, does that make you a bad mother and a horrible wife? I feel like it's akin to telling her that now because she's married, she cannot speak to any other guys unless absolutely necessary. I feel like it's binding a woman and taking away her rights and I'm really angry and upset at that. It might be quite irrational to feel this way, especially since SH didn't exactly state all that I've said, but I just kind of felt this way. More upset than pissed. It is also times like these that I wonder if women will ever stand up there with men, with our own rights to do what we want without others viewing us as sluts. Do we have to be traditional, viewing the men as kings, not dress up after having kids, not look into the eyes of other men? Is it that he can drink but we can't, he can stay out late but we can't? Why do we have to let men rule our lives? I hate men who tries to constrain women.

Ok, emotions aside. I think that a woman, married or not, is perfectly entitled to enjoy life how she wants it. However, she must always think of the children. It's the same with men, married or not. If you want to party, then don't end up in somebody else's bed or return home drunk, puking all over and letting your children see you in your sorry state.

There are a lot of things to question in the above stated "woman who got drunk issue", a lot of things to argue, a lot of "what-ifs" but if you read carefully, that's not the point in this post.

Feel free to comment.

Blur me

I didn't know that Chingay was on Friday, nor did I know that yesterday was 人日. 人日is everybody's birthday.

How come I'm so blur and why was I studying yesterday?!

Drumming and Movement workshop

I went for a drumming workshop that Damien (instructor of SPU) signed us up for today, expecting something on along the lines of western drumming. What I got was totally unexpected.

This workshop is conducted by U theatre, titled Drumming and Movement workshop. I suspect because Damien cannot read Chinese or he hasn't been looking around properly, he didn't find out more about the group. I don't think he also realized that this is one of the groups who are performing A Touch of Zen.

U Theatre is from the suburbs of Taipei and they do their training in the mountains. Until now I'm a bit uncertain as to their background, training and what they actually focus on, but I do know that they're marvellous to watch. Their way of drumming is also very interesting and in a class of its own. I'm not sure if this is how Chinese drumming is supposed to be like, but I'm certain I have not seen anything close to what I've experienced today.
The large gestures, the use of the body and use of martial arts. Their drumming is an art on its own, a totally different world. By the time I finished the workshop, or should I say by the time the workshop was done with me, my arm and legs were aching, I was perspiring and I was deeply interested in learning the basics of this form of drumming. Unfortunately, I don't think I'd ever have the chance to do so.

The workshop was split into 3 sections. The 1st was the warming up, physically stretching in... let's say that they use martial arts basics. I loved every minute of it, although I was obviously very stiff. There was this section where the lady was practically in a split while all of us showed her a very shocked expression then tried hard to at least touch our toes. While she had her entire body flat on the floor between her legs, the rest of us were hunched with our legs spread wide. She showed so much flexibility that I was embarrassed of myself.

The 2nd section was called the Sacred Dance. This dance isn't about technicality. I think it's about concentration and showing your inner state. Putting it simply, it's about coordination of your head, arms and legs. He talked about having 3 centres - Intellectual, physical (I think) and emotional. The first two have to be linked and communicating well in order for you to do the simple dance/coordination of the head, arms and legs properly. Obviously my 2 centres were not coordinating well. In fact there was absolutely no coordination at all because my limbs were everywhere. I was not concentrating and could not concentrate. How accurate a description for my current state - the inability to concentrate, on anything at all, and also having no trust in my body.

The 3rd section was the drumming itself. We played on the Chinese drums and I got the huge one. Like I said, their gestures and styles were really nice. It wasn't only about using their arms and hands. It was also about the body, including the legs. It was also about grace. It's having grace within the strength. You have to watch to understand what I mean. I think Chinese drumming (or this form of drumming?) is really unique.

Thus, if you want, you might want to watch A Touch of Zen. It's by both U Theatre and The Shaolin Temple Wushu Training Centre. What I learned wasn't even a quarter of what they would perform. Zen would be performed at Esplanade Theatre on 3rd and 4th March 2007, at 8pm. Tickets are running out fast so grab whatever you can as fast as possible.

Result of procrastination

Usually at this time of the year, the first Saturday after 初一 I would be over at my cousin's place, getting ready to lo-hei or however it's called. It's kind of fun and the dinner there would be quite fantastic. Especially love the raw salmon dipped in soy sauce and wasabi.

This year, like my twitter says, I'm at home instead while my entire family is on their way there now. I sincerely regret procrastinating to such an extent this year, so much so that I have no choice but to stay home and study on this lovely day. While they have fantastic food, I'm having a miserable bowl of left-over and steamed henghua noodles. Not to mention that now everybody over there will think that I'm a nerd-cum-mugger-who-has-no-life. Well, perhaps the no-life part is true.

Thus, I now have a new year resolution! It is this:

I shall not procrastinate (too much) such that I would end up missing out on all the good stuff as a result.

Sigh. Not even good porn can cheer me up now. Just kidding about the porn.

How to be happy - video

Funny video. Taken from rachit, through ping.sg.



Do check ping.sg, a community for Singapore bloggers, out. You can find many interesting blogs and reads through there.

Upcoming period

Erm, if you are the really innocent type, maybe you really shouldn't read this post.

That time of the month must be coming soon because I suddenly feel a bit weird. Feel like sucking some cock and have been fantasizing a little more than usual. Just yesterday, that guy asked me again on the glory hole idea and this time round it's more tempting than usual. Seriously, though, I don't see how it can be anonymous. My mind also kind of drifted to him, that guy I'm shamelessly infatuated with. It's kind of insulting to him, to think of him when I'm erm horny, especially since last time I accused him of treating me as only a toy.

So yes, I think that time of the month must be coming soon.

Quarrel

I quarreled with my sister just now over her cut-and-paste homework. That's what you get when you put 2 tigers together, only that she's a calmer one (and 12 years younger) than me. We both flared up. Angry, I grabbed her arm, wanting to hit her someplace. She retaliated by digging her fingers into my flesh. I grabbed both her wrists. Wrong move - she dug her fingers into my flesh again then tried to scratch me. Unfortunately, I have forgotten how as a kid I used the same style as well and her attacks succeeded. I hit her butt, not too hard, but enough to anger her. She screamed. All this time the sensible me inside kept telling me that I should stop. I know that it's partly my fault, shouldn't have flared up so easily. This is something that parents should always remember - your kid might be unreasonable but there is no point in flaring up and resorting to violence. The latter is always a no-no. Anyway now I look like I just mutilated my arms. Kind of funny, quarreling over her homework. Well, her wailing irritated me immensely.

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Just now I was kind of upset. Sorry, I'm an emotional girl.

Ah Bear comforted me. He motioned for me not to cry, hugged (whatever he could reach) of me and kissed me. "It's ok," he said. Thank you, ah bear.

Handphone holder

There are few things I call cute and this is one of them:

hello kitty handphone holder

Taken from Jenny.

No, I'm not a fan of Hello Kitty, but the squarish face is kind of funny, thus qualifying it as cute.

Salad

I like salads. Friends should know that I like vegetables a lot. I happen to think that lettuce is very nice and would really prefer it over cooked vegetables since cooked ones are usually quite oily, unless you boil it. I like boiled vegetables too. Anyway, vegetables are not the point of this entry. The point is salads.

Felt like having a salad today, so in the middle of studying, I decided that I'd have one. Brought my notes into the kitchen and placed it somewhere safe. Don't ask why I brought my notes, I don't know either. So I made a hotdog, egg and apple salad, complete with lettuce and peas for decoration (and eating) plus Kraft's Coleslaw dressing.... ....

In 40 minutes.

Not to mention that the water overflowed while I was boiling the eggs and one of the egg expanded too much for its shell and cracked its shell too. I must be the only one who could do such damage with merely boiling eggs. So yar, it was 1.5 eggs, 1.5 apples, 3 hotdogs, some lettuce and peas. Everybody in the family except my father had some and they say it's nice. Well, it's pretty easy to make a salad - prepare the ingredients and mix, so can't take much credit for it. However, I wouldn't have used hotdogs if I had a choice. Thought the taste was too strong for salad and was kind of weird. Think I'd prefer ham. Haven't tried boiled chicken though, think it might be quite good. You all can also try potato-and-egg salad, think it should also be quite nice.

So much from a person who don't cook proper meals.

Sincerely surprised

I'm sincerely amazed at him.

He has masturbated on camera for uh, I lost count of the number of times, and I'm not exactly a very good audience - very lousy at egging him on, yet he still contacts me every time I come online or unblock him. Then he would either tell me straight that he's horny and later on ask if I'd like to see him on webcam. I don't understand, really. Why would guys, even very horny ones, want to relieve themselves in front of a camera to a person so incompetent at that sort of thing (I am very innocent, remember), for so many times? And he's really insistent about it. Exhibitionism? I don't think so. Fetishism? Maybe. Plain horniness? Very probably. Can anybody enlighten me as to why?

In any case I'm still really amazed and surprised that he haven't gotten bored with me. Yet. Maybe I do bore him, but he's just being nice about it. Yeah, probably. Or simply because he does the same thing as me - block all the time and only unblock when necessary.

Embarrassed

My mind is saturated and empty at the same time.

Anyway, I feel stupid. Just walked out of the room to find my mother just now, only to be faced with her two friends. My saturated brain froze. I murmured "Auntie" twice and stood there like a dumb-ass, looking straight into the face of the two ladies while my very saturated mind wonders if I should wish them a Happy New Year. One of them looked at me very distastefully, no doubt because I was not speaking. Then my mother came out of the kitchen and I wandered into the toilet shortly after to clear my bladder without wishing them. Really should have wished them. I was surprised by their sudden appearance, what could I have done, right? Wrong. Excuses. Bleah. Now to them (especially the lady who looked at me distastefully), I'm an extremely rude girl and daughter.

Lack of time

ARGH!

I have 4 mid-semester tests and 2 term papers due soon! I have hardly touched anything! How how how?! This is the first time I've ever pushed something back until so late!

*runs around*

ARGH!

Don't tell me you don't like praises - you're lying

Feel a bit neglected, ignored.

I feed on attention, live on praise. I don't deny it. Who doesn't do so? Don't tell me you don't.

Don't tell me you put on makeup because you like destroying your skin and not because of some guy, your boyfriend, or to look good in front of others. Don't tell me you announce publicly your blog address because some other person forced you to. Don't say that you join online communities and forums, participating eagerly in them because you have to. Don't tell me that you are in clubs or CCAs and in the Executive Committee unwillingly. Don't tell me you hate all of it, all the attention, the praise that others heap on you for a job well done, a website nicely created or the contribution of an interesting and creative idea. Don't deny that if something is really important to you, something you really enjoy doing, you'd want to receive praise and the appropriate attention, you'd want others to say "wow, that's wonderful!" or "One of the best I've seen/heard!" Don't tell me you don't, because you'd be lying.

If you don't agree with me, feel free to comment.

Another animation competition!

This time round it's AniMania 2007. Check out the animation done by the finalists here.

There are 3 categories - the Compact category for Primary schools, Sedan category for JC, CI and ITE, as well as the Luxury category which is open to all. Watch and vote!

Previously written, also catch N.E.mation.

I once had zest for life

Hello everybody! Hope the New Year's been a good one so far - minimal questions about when you are going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend or when you are going to get married and not too much nibbling of new year goodies.

Anyway if you're already exhausted from today's visiting, here's a little something. Visit N.E.mation to watch a variety of animation clips done by some secondary school students on the topic of Total Defence and then vote for your 3 favorite clips.

Watching the clips brought back a lot of memories and made me think about some matters. It reminded me of how capable we were during secondary school days. Always striving for the best, giving our all, believing that we can always achieve something more in all that we do. There was so much zest and passion for life, so much energy in us to spend, so much believe in ourselves. Yet for some of us, for me at least, with passing time the energy dwindled away. There was more tiredness than enthusiasm in what we are doing, less belief that we can do better because of the current belief that there is always somebody better and that we'll never reach up there. Sometimes it boils down to no interest. Sick of doing our best - why do so when one can relax? Today's me is a far cry from me in my secondary school days and I wonder why. Am I just tired of the rat race? Tired of always competing or have I just gotten plain lazy? I wonder if I can ever rise up again to the standard in the younger me.

And then I ask why should I, when for half the effort I can achieve reasonable results.

The young are mostly always inspirational. We once were. Maybe for some of you, you still are. For me, maybe I once was, but don't know about now.

That zest, that energy. Maybe I just need to find something that truly interest me and put my heart wholly into it. Or maybe it's time for a change. But is change really necessary? What do I want? To be truthful, I still do not know.

Happy Lunar New Year 2007

Happy Lunar New Year!
新年快乐！

Here, some wishes you might want to have for the new year, taken from SH's blog. Or if you'd prefer the more serious ones, here it is.

Enjoy yourselves and the tidbits but don't fall sick.

Oh, so CNY's tomorrow

I didn't realize that Chinese New Year's tomorrow.

Was wondering what my mother was doing in the kitchen, so busy when reunion dinner's not tonight.

Not an enjoyable break-to-be

Cousin just finished her exam yesterday, my junior finished it a day before that. Me? I have 4 mid-semester tests right after Chinese New year week and 2 term papers to do. Worse thing is I haven't even started on anything! Lousy procrastinator.

Stressed out and frustrated.

Confession

Chinese New Year's coming.

CNY reminded me of my grandmother and how she'd cook those heng hua noodles early in the morning on the first day of new year. We're back at our old place now, so new year should be a relatively boisterous affair again, as compared to the other place. I don't know, it's alright I guess. New year's always boring - the same things over and over again. Usually by the end of visiting I would have gained some weight from snacking on tidbits, as would many others. =)
By the way, I haven't bought new shoes. Too lazy, the old ones will do fine, I suppose. And I just remembered that I don't have an appropriate bag. Whatever.

It's been kind of bugging me. A year since my grandmother has passed away and I haven't dreamt about her at all. My aunt, father, mother and even sister have all dreamt about her but not me. Of course not counting that freaky dream I had. My aunt told me that usually if the dead person misses somebody, he/she will appear in a dream. I wondered if it is because my grandmother don't miss me and it kind of hurt, a little tiny bit. However, I suspect it's something other than that. Maybe this whole thing is just plain superstition and their dreaming is just plain coincidence. More than that, I think that it is because deep down inside me I don't want to see her. Not that because I don't love her but because I am scared. I'm scared of what I will see, of what she will be like, scared of spirits and ghosts, scared of being scared. I'm even scared that if I walk in the house in the dark I will see her, or if I open my eyes while lying on my bed at night I'll see her sitting in the chair or standing by my bed. I pray and hope that I won't see anything, is it any wonder that I have not dreamt of her at all? Maybe she does miss me and do want to come visit me (whichever way you want to think of) but that I'm the one who have been refusing to, building an invisible wall around me. To protect myself from her, from my own grandmother. Ha.

Out of fear, out of utter cowardice.

She's your grandmother, you might say, you shouldn't be afraid. I know, but I still am. Very cowardly and a very bad granddaughter too, aren't I?

Helen Keller

Helen Keller was born healthy but became blind and deaf at the age of 19 months. In her early years she was unruly and bad-tempered. At the age of 7, Anne Sullivan arrived at her household, becoming her teacher and nurse. Anne Sullivan was considered a miracle worker because she taught Helen language. Later on, Helen went on to learn how to speak from a speech teacher. She went to Radcliffe college and graduated. While she was still in college, she wrote her autobiography titled The Story of my Life. Helen also wrote many other books.

I think in 2003, the American Foundation for the Blind commemorated the 100th anniversary of the publishing of The Story of my Life by releasing the original version of the book online, free.

Read the autobiography of this inspirational woman here. Click Next at the bottom to go on to the next page. Or read the summary of Helen Keller's biography here.

Innocence; Valentine's Day

Friend 1: But she looks so innocent!
Friend 2: Oh, she's not!

There I was, walking happily on the red-tiled road when I made an innocent remark to a story Friend 1 was telling, saying that I thought he was going to mention something dirty. Then Friend 2 suddenly told Friend 3 that my mind is constantly on Friend 4's frequency which is the sex frequency. Of course I vehemently denied because I am really very innocent and I'm sure all of you will agree.

The doctor said that it is most likely a ligament injury and emailed me some of the exercises that I can do to strengthen the muscles around. A year after I've seen the other doctor about my knee, it still hurts sometimes when I walk, climb stairs or get up after sitting for too long. Most of the times it's a flash of pain, lasting for a few seconds to a few minutes but the pain never allow me to run for long. It's depressing when I see others jogging or when I look at that pair of sports shoes that I specifically bought for when I return to running again. Miss it dreadfully.

Today didn't turn out that bad at all. Apart from coughing my lungs out, spoilt slippers, bad test and having to tolerate seeing bunches of flowers. This year there seem to be lesser flowers around. Maybe people realize that it is really all a commercial farce and it is really not worth to spend $500 on a huge bouquet. Can't say that I'm unhappy about it. When I see somebody carrying a huge bouquet of flowers, I feel immensely embarrassed for them. Somehow it is akin to announcing to the world that you have a boyfriend who would be so dumb as to spend a substantial sum of money on a bunch of useless flowers that would die anyway, just because others are telling him that's what he should be doing on Valentine's Day.

I see small bouquets though and those, although small, are flowers and would die anyway, are really sweet. Small bouquets, unlike huge ones, do not bring the girl the trouble of wondering where to place the bouquet while on the crowded bus, in the lecture theatre or in the toilet. Small bouquets don't hinder the girl's view, causing her to accidentally trip over the long ribbon from the huge bouquet or her own shoes. Small bouquets are already expensive enough but might be within affordable range to be considered sensible as compared to the price of the larger ones. I think small bouquets say the 3 words fine.

It doesn't matter whether or not that guy gets you a $150 bouquet, 999 roses or a huge box of chocolates. All those are material matters. Flowers die, chocolates get eaten or stashed away in one corner. Love is not spoken in a day. All that matters is spending that day with your special someone. Of course a gift would be really sweet. I mean who don't like gifts? However the gift doesn't have to be really elaborate or expensive. Most of the times it's really the company that counts.

Greetings

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!

Nostalgic

Last year's Valentine's Day was kind of sweet, also kind of funny. I remember that one hour or so.

Sometimes I wish there were somebody for me to cuddle up to once in a while, hold me when I need it or just to simply hold me and somebody who would understand.

Nostalgia.

Date with doctor; v-day decoration

This is horrible. Imagine having coughed for about 3 months close to 4. Even my friends are telling me to see a doctor. In order to prevent spreading any more germs, (and because I'm sick of coughing my lungs out) I have decided to heed their advice. Therefore, I officially (by my standards) have a date tomorrow. With the doctor.

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As with every other year, with the onset of Valentine's Day, the corridor along AS6 in NUS (a very well-walked corridor) is decorated with white, pink and red. Can't really remember last year's design though I think it's similar to this year's, but the designs irritated me. Not only because I am very much single, but because I am very much single.

There seems like hundreds of little red and pink hearts hanging from the ceiling, swinging about quite wildly as the wind blows. Quite appropriate decoration - my heart flutters at the sight of you because I love you and also because there is a hole in my wallet.

I hope a strong gust of wind blows by tonight and sweeps the little hearts away.

An entire row of balloons forming a supposed arch frames a section of the corridor. Very pretty sight, but with an enormous problem. The ceiling is low, there are too many balloons and now people have to duck underneath it. Well, most people. I could walk below the lowest section nicely, balloons barely brushing the top of my head. I hope tall people with spiky hair be extra careful when they walk there. No, I hope they stand up extra straight.

By the way, I'm just kidding about being sour because I'm single.

三年级听写

My sister was learning her Chinese Spelling.

me: 听写（四〕

。。。

me: 第三， "木瓜" 。"木瓜"。

sister says:“木。。。”and she writes: 瓜

The Good Wife's guide

Written on 13th May 1955. Appeared in the Housekeeping Monthly.

The good wife's guide

"Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours."

"Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet."

(click for larger image)

This is extraordinary! You don't see such things from olden times nowadays. No doubt it'll shock some who read because some of the points are really atrocious, but still, an interesting read. Guys, if you come and tell me that's what you want in your wife, I'll knock your head off! Like my friend's friend said, you might as well go buy a robot.

Saw; sick

Those white crane/stock-lookalike migratory birds are back in Singapore again. Actually I'm not sure if they've ever left but I really like looking at them. Saw this particular one standing very proudly on a black car in school today, as if declaring that the car is its'. Another flew, then landed on the grass patch next to the car. It was all scrunched up though, its neck withdrawn so that it looks relatively shorter and smaller than the other one. On the way home in the bus, I spotted quite a few of them perched on some lamp posts.

What birds are they? Where do they come from and how long will they stay?


Looks like I have a fascination with birds.

*edit* Oops, these birds didn't "come back". They ARE migratory, but apparently some of them decided they prefer it here and stayed on. So I don't think some of them are leaving. Yet.

Does the bird above look like this?

I'm not sure if it's the same bird. The neck seems a little too long. The above is the Great Egret. According to this site, a Great Egret is large sized (what considers as large?), has all white plume, yellow beaks and black legs and feet. Oh wait, it says that

Great Egrets are the largest of the white egrets found in the state.

Maybe what is in Singapore is only a white Egret...? Argh! What bird is it?!
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Saw SH walk past me today while I was studying. Kind of funny, usually I'm the one who doesn't spot him, this time round he was the blur one. Didn't disrupt his walk though.

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Woke up yesterday with a very odd-feeling throat. Slightly sore throat, slightly itchy. Somewhere along the way it developed into a full-blown cough. I suppose that's a good thing, given that I've been having minute coughs since last November, maybe this great cough will get it all done and over with.

Yar, right! As if it will!

Thought I was the only one with this odd illness but went to school today and was exposed to at least 3 other people coughing and another one on the bus. Either I am very super and passed the virus to so many people, or I've caught the whatever-the-virus-that-is-fashionable-recently bug. Well, at least I'm fashionable in some way.

Baking - nostalgic

Reminded by SH's entry. What's a CNY cake anyway? I've never seen or heard of it.

Back when there was an oven at my house, we used to bake pineapple tarts before Chinese New Year. It was dreadfully tiring with baking sessions lasting well into the early morning (read 2 to 3am) but lots of fun. Sometimes my mother and I would fall asleep at the kitchen table while baking. I liked molding the dough, putting the pineapple filling onto the dough or into it and brushing the entire thing with egg yolk. I think it's egg yolk. It's been years since I last came into contact with an oven, not to say bake something.

When we moved back into this house, I thought we'd have an oven again. I love ovens. When I have my own place, I'll put one in. Anyway we don't have one at our house now and I was disappointed. So there is to be no baking of tarts this new year. Really miss it.

Sadism

Olivia said,

When I see a baby, I want to pinch it, beat it, slap it until it cries then I will sayang it, then I will pinch, beat and slap it again. Because they're so cute mah! Like want to *makes pinching action* pinch them like that.

Olivia is 8 years old.

A blade that's been to places

Yesterday while preparing to take a bath at the kitchen's toilet, I noticed some hair in the sink, the after-result of males shaving their face, those little black dots that don't seem quite like hair. Obviously either my father or brother had just shaved but I was puzzled because there were no appropriate male shavers at the sink. Something nagged at the back of my mind but I couldn't really believe it. So I picked up the pink shaver meant for shaving my nether regions and took a look at it. Indeed, there were those little bits of hair on the blades. I grinned through most of the bath. Later on I asked my father if he'd shaved his chin using the pink shaver and he told me yes because he couldn't find any other shaver. Half-laughing, I told him that was mine. He looked shocked, then asked, "shave your legs one ah?".

"No, shave down there one!" I think he just got the shock of his life.

So that was the day my father used my shaver to shave his face. I think he has learnt his lesson - never use anything that reeks faintly of femininity. *grin* Pun intended.

Conversation

sister: I like 3 boys leh.
me: Is it?
sister: Yar. One of them is the monitor.
sister: You know hor, Clarissa told the monitor that I love him leh.
me: love?! Is it? She told him that YOU lo...like him ah?
sister: Yar...
me: love lehz!
sister: Yar, love lah!
me: You mean you like him right?
sister: No. Love..
me: Love is... *makes exaggerated gesture* wah (sound effect) leh! You like him, correct?
sister: Yar, love what!
me: okay...
sister: Yar. I was in another class then later we talk a while already then he asked, "you love me, is it?". I thought that I heard that, then I quickly talk about other things like... like... (she gestures and thinks furiously) "you want to do drawing?"
me: haha, so funny...
sister: because so embarrassing mah! Then in my mind I was asking "did John really say that?"

me: so does he like you?
sister: I think so...
sister: Actually got 3 boys, [name], [name] and John (class monitor). But monitor is the first one. He's very handsome...! *grins*
me: haha!

FYI, Olivia is the monitress of her class. She also happens to my younger sister, 12 years younger, in fact.

Yellow birds

No, not those in pants.

There seem to be a sudden influx of yellow birds today. I used to spot one or two around my old house and have never seen them around the current one until just now when I spotted about 4 to 5 of them in one tree, trilling away. They reminded me of wagtail in the Poldy series. Again they flew about in pairs and were awfully pretty but they seem quite large though, about the size of a mynah. They didn't seem to be so big previously, but that could be because I forgot. The yellow birds camouflaged into the tree and its leaves so well that I thought one of them was just an exceptionally yellow leaf. It amazed me how they were able to perch on a thin branch, swaying quite violently in the wind and it was this exact motion, or non-motion, that made me think it was a single yellow leaf.

I wonder why there are so many such birds recently and what are they called?

It seems so nice to fly.

Kissing

THIS is the type of kissing I want! Tongue please!

Another death

This morning there was an SMS waiting on my phone for me. It informed my entire class that our classmate's mother has just passed away (on his ORD day somemore) and we can attend the wake at a certain address. It didn't quite hit me until half an hour later after I'd washed up that I realized what it really meant. So a few of my friends and I went there today to pay our respects to his mum and to visit him. His eyes were red and he looked slightly tired, but was generally cheerful. Slightly awkward at first but we all relaxed after a while. This group of classmates are always ever cheerful, talking about anything and everything. He laughed a lot and I hope we really cheered him up, even if it's for that hour plus.

Finally one of us managed to ask him what happened to his mum. He told her quite calmly what happened. Must have reiterated the same story to a number of people. In summary, it was some infection that spread very rapidly, affecting her heart, lungs, kidneys. Within a few days she was in ICU and not long later she was gone. She was taken in about a week. We were shocked. Infection that could spread so rapidly? Then another female friend said that was what happened to her mum as well, pneumonia and she was gone in about 2 weeks.

Why do death come so soundlessly? One moment the person's fine, the next moment the person's sick and before you know it, he/she is gone. I'm shaken by the knowledge of his mother's death.

Life is really very fragile. I hope that he and his family will be strong.

Gross

I feel quite gross. Accidentally pissed on my pants just now. =S

I'd like to share something

I had very intense feelings for somebody before. Feelings that were very, very important to me. During that time I wrote a lot of things down somewhere else. Reading through it was like going back in time, yet it also felt like it wasn't me, as if I were reading another person's journal and her thoughts. It's a very special place to me and very important as well because it was my outlet. I would like to share some things there with you all, some things I wrote. Stuff that seem so sweet it didn't seem possible I wrote it, stuff that I don't remember anymore and just more stuff.

The following post was in a letter format written last year, for him but which was never meant to be read by him. Some sections I cut off because I'm not comfortable with revealing, but here is most of the post:

Hi,

So many things are happening to you, but none of it I can be a part of, none of it I can share it with you, none of it you would tell me only. I am "part of the crowd". Out there and not noticed. A once was. Where are you now? What are you doing? How are you? I hope you are really fine and really happy. Today it hit me really bad that you are not by my side anymore. Without you, I feel as if a part of me is lost. I haven't seen you in only a week, but why does it feel so much longer. Do you notice my absence?

I hurt inside and I think it would be some time before I can see you or talk to you again for fear that if I make contact with you, I will only bring you more hurt and burden. I wish to see you, though. Want to see you without you seeing me. I want to walk behind you without you knowing. I want to see you smile and you scrunching up your face. Want to see you eating, see you in that polo, see you doing your homework, just to see you walking would be enough too. I want to see you so much. I'm aware all this is too much to ask for, so imagining it all in my mind is enough.

I wish you well.

Some entries are just hurting and sad because I hurt myself in many ways. Even now, I don't know if I should show an entry as such here for several reasons, but I've decided and here is one:

I broke my own heart.

It hurts. So I just force myself to swallow it down. And swallow. And swallow. And swallow. Until I can't feel anything. Until I automatically push it down without conscious effort. It's a conscious effort to smile and to talk, it's easier to keep quiet.

Then I start to lie, there's a need to lie and lie I do. I wonder if in the future I'd be able to tell the truth from the lies.

And if my heart will stop being numb. I know the pain is there, but I just can't feel it except for an ever present heaviness.

Enclosed in my little own world, with a hard casing. Protect me.

Most of the times, it was plain missing - with doubts:

Missing him or just the memories? I haven't seen him online or in person in ages... Where are you? Are you hiding from me? I am jealous. I want to see you and talk to you. I miss your smile and laughter. I miss feeling you sitting by me.

Do I miss you or just the memories? Where are you?

There were a lot of doubts, really a lot. That period of time was truly terrifying. I doubted everything - my worth, my right to live, my ability in my studies etc. I was stressed in school, I was very upset. You can't imagine how deep it is until you've truly experienced it. It wasn't easy. It wasn't only about him, it was about a lot of things. I learnt a lot from that period of time and I'm still learning. Very rarely now I lapse back though sometimes I do. Like I said before, I enjoy being normal because it's really beautiful.

Some entries were just childishly funny:

I miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss him.

Time for schoolwork.

That's all I'll show. Thank you for reading through. =)

Mynas

I saw two mynas today. I am very happy.

I saw two mynas basking in the sun today. Feathers fluffed, sitting in the grass, beaks slightly opened. Several others were hopping around them and I wondered why, so I stopped in my path, whistling to them and staring at the fluffed ones. Then they popped up to their feet, sqwaked away and flew off.

I have a fascination with mynas, except when they are shitting. I think they are cute. Maybe it's because I've spent more of my time staring at them than at pigeons or sparrows. There don't seem to be as many pigeons around as compared to the past while sparrows... I'm afraid that I'll step onto them one day.

That day a glob of bird-shit fell from a tree I was walking under and landed about a metre away from me. Thought that I was very lucky.

I saw a single myna on the roadside today. It sqwaked very loudly, walked along for a while, cocked its head and seemed to look at me, then it flew away. I wondered where it flew to. Did it fly to find its partner? Or to find place where there are more food? Did you know that birds are very faithful? They find a partner and stick to them for the rest of their lives. Isn't it amazing?

-------------------------
I never knew that a pack of cigarettes were so light. Thought they'd be heavier. No, it wasn't a pack of Marlboro Light. Super lame pun.

Conversation

mum: eh, your panties.
me: orh.
mum: eh, I bought this telephone leh. Office lor! Selling at $9.80 only! Keep saying "buy, buy!" then I "aiya, okay lah".
me: *waves panties at her* You buy for what?! *waves panties* No need one what! *waves panties* You all two hor *waves panties*, one buy $100+ radio *waves panties*, one buy $9.80 telephone *waves panties*!
mum: Mine only $9.80!
me: So now how? Put where?
mum: *looks at me sheepishly*

Temptation on MSN

When I don't want to see the person, he's always online. Then when he's online, I can't help but unblock him, only to see that his status is set as away.

Temptation. Lust.

When I don't have it, I want it. When I have it, I can't handle it.

Pregnant Man

Oh my god. This MAN is pregnant! How can it be?! View his blog here. He has food cravings, start doing crossword puzzles using numbers, gets emotional, is constantly eating and so on. He's to deliver on the 12th of February and if you really don't believe it, here's an introductory video:



Actually I don't know whether to believe it or not either.

I just don't get it

I don't understand how can people be so nice and unselfish.

How can they still sound so normal when accepting payment from a person? As if they aren't thinking "Yay! My money! Quick, hand it over!"

How can people still smile and say thank you after a criticism? How can they sound so sincere about it?
I understand that constructive criticisms should be appreciated, but don't they feel a bit angry/pissed/repulsive when somebody criticise them? Sometimes I do, especially when it's on something I am really concerned about or have a really strong stand on. Sometimes I don't even realize that my stand is flawed and wholeheartedly believe otherwise. Sometimes I get pissed off and after that I need to wash my mouth. Most of the time I know that there is an another side, but sometimes I'm just too stubborn. Is this stubbornness really bad? My mother used to say that if I behave the way I do, nobody will want to be my friend, nobody will like me and I'll never get married, which would make me really really mad again. Well, I have friends and I think people are reasonably okay with me.

How can people apologize when others create trouble for them? I simply don't get it. Let's say that you're offering a service and something goes wrong but the fault didn't originate from you, how can you apologize? That day I was at ping.sg and there was something wrong with the layout on my screen. It never occurred to me that it was because of my computer's resolution and thought that it's because the website worked best in IE or something, so I just asked and it turns out that it WAS because of my resolution. The odd thing is that Uzyn apologized for it and I was... alarmed. I don't understand why he should apologize when the problem was from my computer. Basically, I don't understand how or why people can bring themselves to apologize for something that isn't their fault. You know what's really ironic? I apologize way too much. Even Jeremy, my friend who used to apologize way too much, is telling me that. It isn't that I want to, it's just that I really feel that some things are my fault. I feel that there are some stuff that apologies will never suffice but apologies are all that I can offer and so I apologize again and again. Then I feel guilty about apologizing and apologize again... Vicious cycle.

8am again tomorrow.

Chat

I've got trouble with deciding how to address lecturers.

Prof T.T. Lim:

I used to wonder why clouds don't fall down.

It was me, myself and I for the lecture today. After lecture I approached the lecturer to ask some questions but somehow the questions became a short chat/feedback session. I didn't suspect that anything was wrong when this girl continued sitting silently on one of the chairs because she had asked her question before me. Until there was finally a significant pause in the chat that I looked at the girl and she looked up, grabbed her chance and asked her question. It hit me then that she had been waiting for us, or specifically me, to stop talking and leave or something so that she could ask her question and leave the room, which she did hurriedly. And all this time I thought she was interested in the content of the chat. Felt so embarrassed after that because the chat lasted for about 15 minutes before she could ask her final question. Imagine sitting there, bored but don't know how to cut in. After the girl left, the chat continued for about another 15 minutes before. It was odd talking to the lecturer for so long.

Especially when he reminded me of Einstein.

Early Morning

6am. The sky is still dark.
8am. School is so quiet.
I like.

Procrastination

Sure I can't run, don't swim perfectly, ain't the smartest of the lot, don't have perfect vision, don't have a picture-perfect face, don't have marvellously smooth legs etc. etc. But there's one thing I DO have, one thing I have mastered perfectly. I do it so well that sometimes I completely amaze myself. With each passing year it just gets increasingly better. It doesn't deteriorate, in fact I just get better at it.

It's procrastination.

I procrastinate so much I scare myself. Sometimes I procrastinate because I am plain lazy, other times it's because I have no interest in the task at hand or that there are distractions around. I can't concentrate for more than 15 minutes - I start to drift. I can read the one line 10 times and not understand what it's saying, and I'm talking about simple, easily understood statements. Sometimes I think I'm really sick of formal studying after doing so for more than half my life. Do you know that if you keep your mind active, you will be at a lower risk of Alzheimer's disease? But slacking feels so good. Not doing anything, or just using minimal brain power.

Argh! I have so much to do, but I procrastinate so much!

Lazy, aren't I?

Tiny bits in HDB

When I look out of my room window, I can see the block opposite getting their lift upgrading (now you all can guess about where I'm living). They have this... machine that scoops sand... haha, sorry don't know what's the name, stationed right on the grass patch, well previous grass patch since it's all soil now, right in front of the area where the lift is going to be built.

My mother was wondering why the two blocks around us have started on the upgrading already but not ours. I was more concerned about the grass that the machine was on. A great pity, don't you think? That such a nice patch of healthy grass pulled out from its roots and left to die. Somehow grass that are newly replanted always seem kind of out-of-place. They're often too lush - too green and too alive to fit in with the rest.

Yesterday morning I heard the Karang-Guni-with-his-funky-horning again. I contemplated throwing the washing machine down.

Death

What if one day somebody you knew died?

You know Professor Ananda Rajah from NUS who died this year "from a cardiac incident"? He was my lecturer and tutor for a module in Year 1 Sem 2.
Today I visited my friend's blog and got another shock. Somebody she knew passed away in a road accident the day before - 1st February 2007. He was in our cohort and he was only 23.
My JC classmate's mother died when he was in JC2. I remember our class went to the wake.

What if one day somebody you knew died?

Death comes, whether you want it or not. Death can come when you are only 5, when you are only 18, when you are only 25, 30, 50. What if death comes tomorrow? What if you have only a few years left to live? Would you regret not having done something or told somebody something?

Pricked

So we reached KK Hospital in good time. It was a very small room, really. A nice, cozy office with a side room where nice, sharp needles are inserted into your veins. You know how to tell when you are really starting to get old or "of age"? When the nurse says that you can sign your own form while your 17 year old brother has to have his signed by your father.

The nurse ushered all 5 of us into the room, then explained the blood disorder to us. Apparently, I think only 4% of Singapore's population or something has it. We're very lucky indeed. It's kind of odd listening to the nurse explain stuff that you kind of learn in school and then seeing the exact picture of the 23 pairs of chromosomes that you have studied in your textbook, in the office. There are a lot of kinds of thalassaemia and she explained it to us, but I kind of got confused after a while because she was telling us what would happen if an alpha married a beta or a beta with beta or alpha with alpha or alpha with something-else or beta with something-else. You get the point. I hope neither my brother nor I have it.

I was shaking so hard my mother was asking if I was feeling cold. Mum was the first one to draw blood. She's got really weird veins in her arm that kinds of slips everywhere, making it really difficult to draw blood. The nurse was comparing the vein in both my arms and telling me that the one on the right is more obvious, so easier to draw. Damn, I feel cheated. All these years of drawing blood, they always drew from my left arm.

There were a few more places we went to and on the way we passed by AJC. Seriously, I miss that place and the time spent there. I think they renovated the sign at the back gate but other than that, it looks pretty much the same from outside.

Sometimes I think I like hospitals. Sometimes I think I don't.

Internet addiction

Place me in front of a computer with internet connection and I'll be staring at it for the whole day. Let's see now, I've been online for erm, effectively 10 hours. Wow! I amaze myself. Very bad internet addiction, don't even know what I'm doing online. Ok, so I was watching the Japanese drama 1 Litre of Tears and did a bit of studying, but still 10 hours is a mighty long time. Eyes need rest.

Appointment at the hospital tomorrow for blood test. Sometimes I wonder how can a vein take so many pricks at the same place.

Date(s) on Valentine's

To all GEK 1524 students:

This is to let you know that a test/quiz for the second part of this module (Role of fluid mechanics in our weather system) will be conducted on 14 February, 2007.

How sweet! A test on Valentine's Day! Now I don't have to worry about not having anybody to spend the day with because I get to spend it with 70 other people. All nicely hunched over a paper, of course.