Hamsters away from home

For two consecutive days, we have given away 3 baby hamsters out of the 5. The previously lively tank now seems a little quiet and empty with only 4 hamsters left - 2 parents, 2 babies. Father made them a multi-storey house out of boxes with many holes for them to explore and poke their heads out, just the day before. He also put in the running wheel. I presume the hamsters love the wheel because at one point in time there were 4 hamsters in there and nobody could run. They just kind of sniff around until one gets bored and jumps out. Then when there are 2 inside the wheel and one is running, the other one has to run as well, regardless of whether it desires to do so. The little ones run really slowly because they just aren't used to the idea of a wheel.

Although now you would expect them to be running about late at night, climbing everywhere in the house, poking their nose around, fighting to get on the wheel just so that nobody can run, chasing after each other and practicing their high jump by jumping against the tank in an attempt to escape, last night they were relatively quiet. Only the parents were taking turns on the wheel while the other 2 babies were out of sight. I later saw one lying in a dark area, flat on its tummy and looking rather forlorn. I wonder if it is because it missed its siblings. I would imagine it is rather disconcerting to have 3 gone missing in two days.

Two of the hamsters were given to the brother's girlfriend. The hamsters have each other for company so I reckon that's alright. The other one is now with cousin YY. It was all alone in the small tank we had placed it in and we could see it was rather afraid. It was shitting a lot and scrambling about quite a bit instead of sniffing around calmly like it usually does in a new environment. Although YY has her own hamsters and the little one is sure to be in good hands, it is its first time, and last time, away from home, all alone in a strange environment.

Thinking about it is a little sad.

Daphnemaia's birthday

On the Monday that just passed, a small group of pingsters, gathered to celebrate Daphnemaia's (a.k.a. the real live Hello Kitty) nth birthday with a dinner at Swenson's. It was really a surprise for her, organized by Uzyn (creator of ping.sg) who sent out an email to some of us.

Dinner was at 7pm and some of them had reached earlier for the surprise element. When Daphne and Sek Ling (Uzyn's girlfriend, Daphne's friend, pingster. Why am I describing every other person?) reached Plaza Singapura, Adam told Sek Ling to bring Daphne to the Hello Kitty sale downstairs since not everybody has reached yet. Daphne was pleasantly distracted and bought for herself among other gifts, ahem, Hello Kitty underwear.

Hello Kitty needs Hello Kitty underwear, ok! By the way, check out the number of Hello Kitty presents Daphne got for her birthday. Items range from handphone accessory to keyboard.

I didn't reach there until 7.30pm when Daphne was already in the restaurant so I don't know how surprised she was to see 4 other very familiar people sitting together at a table in Swenson's.

Birthday girl, Daphne

Rinaz and Farinelli had to leave after a while - rinaz for her yoga session, Farinelli for home. It was a shame because I haven't talked to them for such a long time. Before they left, pictures with Daphne:

Rinaz and Daphne. No idea how chillycraps ended where he was

Daphne with Farinelli

In any case, it was fun meeting the pingsters again. We talked about various stuff, including cracking literally dirty jokes while we were eating. This is the classic joke by Adam that night:

There is a restaurant where beggars usually come in to beg for food. One day, a beggar came in and asked the person at the counter for a toothpick. The person gave it to him. A second beggar came in and asked for another toothpick. The person gave it to him. Soon, a third beggar came in and asked for a straw. Puzzled, the person asked the beggar, "The other two beggars before you asked for a toothpick, why did you ask for a straw?" The beggar replied, "Oh, because somebody vomitted outside and the two of them had already picked out all the solids, so I need a straw to drink up the fluid."

After that we just felt really nauseous.

Because it was running quite late, the birthday cake from Swenson's was brought out.

Daphne with birthday cake, looking very murderous with how she held the knife

The ice-cream cake was, as usual, very very hard:

Be sliced into pieces, you little piece of cake! ... Cut... cut... CUT already, you darn cake!

Farinelli, chillycraps, daphne, Sek Ling, me, Adam

Daphne (not exact words),

If the cake was thrown at me, it'd have bounced off my head!

Daphne at Swenson's waiter,

Your birthday cake very birthday-girl-unfriendly.

It reminded me of Jenny's birthday at Swenson's where we first encountered our first ever very hard birthday cake.

Uzyn, Adrian and Miccheng soon arrived to take the missing places of rinaz and farinelli. They sang the birthday song a second time then proceeded to try and bounce the cake off Daphne's face.

Uzyn, Daphne, Miccheng, Adrian

We tried the joke on the 3 of them but Adrian said he got puked on while on his diving trip. Apparently the person has marvellously good aim because it ended up right in his hair. As such, he was in no way grossed out. But I was feeling very, extremely, nauseous.

At the end, Daphne sent us an SMS thanking us and saying that she was very happy. Glad she enjoyed herself!

Anyone for a toothpick and straw?

View other pictures here and here.

Others entries on daphne's birthday: Adamzhang, arzhou, chillycraps, daphnemaia

Filler 1

A filler, for until there is sufficient time to blog properly the next filler.

Why?

I don't know. Always have. Always will. Perhaps the end of this will come one day and I will understand how you feel, in this context, as I have experienced in the other context. For now it stays, for now I bear with it, for now it is a drug - one which comes with ecstasy and chains at the same time.

I don't like this.

I don't either. I suffered, I'm sorry you had to suffer. It's just the course my mind takes naturally.

Will it end?

... ...
Yes.

Don't want to, but it will end.

OK, THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS!

I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty.

Yay.

Blogo-twitter

Because am currently unable to blog a full post at a time (sorry), I'm going to try to do it one sentence at a time while doing stuff. Beats putting all blogging material into my twitter.

9.49pm
1) Last night I found the newspaper of Cheston's death missing from my cupboard at 12 + midnight. Freaked out and got ready to search through the entire house for it. Don't know why there is a need to keep it, just feel that it is important to do so.

9.59pm
2) Fed up because partner not putting in enough effort into presentation but mostly because I'm not putting in enough effort into presentation. Hate this feeling of inadequacy. Very, very pissed.

10.04pm
3) Reading article on Positive Psychology. Something about it make me wants to cry. The irony.

10.06pm
4) The article on Positive Psychology is abusrdly... weird. It has such a happy connotation to it that it's making me snigger inside.

10.10pm
5) Reading the article made me feel sad. Still reading it.

10.26pm
6) Brother called back and HE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO ME!

10.49pm
7) Thinks I'm very evil. I find happiness in others' sorrows.

11.07pm
8) Did leg exercise.

11.13pm
9) Starting on reading the 2nd paper.

Wondering why I even did this entry.

Random Quote

Too many term papers, projects, presentations due. Very sorry, no time to blog, so here's a completely random quote,

friend: ...but half of arts is virgin...
me: suddenly I don't feel alone

Now you know.

Ignorance

Ignorance is bliss. Absolutely agree.

Only that have you ever felt left out because you were ignorant?

Ok, going to bid the hamster good night then go to bed. Thank goodness hamster and piggy exists. Hope he doesn't run out tonight.

Hamster fugitive

人家养 hamster, 我们也养 hamster。 可是为什么人家养的 hamster 又胖，又笨，走得又慢，我们家的 hamster 却是又胖，又聪明，跑得超快？

The male hamster is kept in a tank and had never jumped out before. We thought it was too stupid to know how to escape and this morning it proved us wrong. We think it might have used the centre of the toilet roll as a step to climb up the water bottle and then from the flat top of the bottle jumped out of the tank.

I told my brother about it at 6am this morning and he replied asking us to check the storeroom, commenting why we were so unlucky.

Yar lor. I thought hamsters only know how to mate at super speed once every 6 minutes. Turns out they know how to escape too.

So if you see a fat hamster limping along the roads, please leave a comment on this blog.

*update*
Hamster found hiding under fridge! Finally found him, I'm so happy. =D And I accidentally squished it slightly while trying to capture it.

of Boys, relationships and all things nice (sorta)

What is the one thing you wish your boyfriend would do for you or if you don't have a boyfriend, substitute it with a boy who's wooing you or just some other boy.

I have a couple of things I would really like to experience but one of them is already fulfilled so here's one that I would really like.

I would really, really like to receive a single stalk of flower from a guy who isn't giving me flowers because I'm performing in some concert or other but giving it to me because he wants me to be happy. I'd like him to just pop up with a flower and surprise me. I've seen others with bouquets and with their boyfriends and holding hands, happy and all, talking away and I just wonder how it feels like, having somebody.

The wish that I said was fulfilled was really sweet and I hope to always remember it. That spontaneity. Holding me because he wanted to hold me, holding me first instead of me holding him first. It was the sweetest thing I'd ever experienced. I don't think I can thank him enough for making me feel wanted in that sense.

-----------------
My wish is to get married at 28 years old. Any older and there might be complications having children. If you count the years, I don't really have much time left to get hitched. Damn, I sound desperate and absolutely traditional.

Let's see how this goes:

If I meet somebody in this year and date for the next 3 years, I would be about 24 years old. If I date for longer and don't break up, I might get married to the same person. If I break up after 3 years, I would have 4 more years to find somebody else, assure he is a good guy and get hitched. If I do find somebody else again but break up again after a year, then I'd have 3 years left. Worse yet, if I date somebody for a super long time and then break up when I near 28, then I'd never get married by then. If I don't find anybody until, let's say, 25, then I would have 3 years to affirm he's a suitable person, and anything can happen in these 3 years.

But looking at the number of guys I've ever dated (which is actually uh... 0? I don't even know if I'm considered to have dated) and judging by the fact that I have 6 more months before I turn 22, I thought it is advisable to start thinking about having a child by myself. So I explored the topic a little with my mother. Unfortunately, the only 2 things she said were,

You think so far for what!

and

Don't ask me to take care of your children hor. I'm very tired already.

I don't know. Is it illegal to choose what quality you want your child to have? It kinds of reminds me of the book Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

I don't know why I think so far either. But if at age 28 I can't find anybody, I really will consider having a child by myself. Maybe such things will be more common then.

Or maybe I might actually be able to find somebody by then. I don't want explosive, passionate love. I just want somebody whom I can trust, rely on, talk to and feel comfortable with, somebody who don't make me feel anxious everytime I think about meeting him.

Haha, it sounds so ridiculous when I type it out but inside, my heart feels entirely different. My heart don't believe in love anymore, my heart don't believe there is anybody for me.

Thanks NTT for saying there are so many weird people in this world that there is sure to be somebody for me. -_-'''

First time out

到头来还是家最重要，最温暖。

Brother on the ferry towards Tekong last Thursday

Last night Brother booked out from camp for the first time since he first enlisted a week ago. It's only a week for him because Good Friday fell nicely in the middle of his initial 2 weeks period, so he came home after 1 week, but only for 1 day.

He took the taxi home since my father was working that evening and when we heard his voice at the door, I abandoned my computer with anime D. Gray Man still playing on my browser (damn, I had to replay it after that), grabbed my camera, decided it would take too long to load, then grabbed my phone instead and got out of the room. Olivia was already there.

We found him at the door in full uniform. I realized if it's your own brother, it really is nothing seeing him in uniform. Well, except for feeling a little touched and glad about seeing him again. I stopped him at the door and wanted to take a picture of him, to commemorate the first time ever he came home from the army. So he was grinning sheepishly at the camera. His girlfriend, Xiao Yun, was at the door with him. Think she went to Pasir Ris Bus Interchange to meet him.

Mum's hand pushing his hand off as he embarrassingly rubbed his head

The moment he took off his cap, he was saying he looked like an egghead and I immediately agreed. His body looked too big while his head looked too small. According to the father, most guys look like that when dressed in that uniform without his cap or hair. He looked ok once he was dressed in his normal clothes, though.

Olivia gave him a card she had made and a card she had bought. On the card says "Welcome home!", "I missed you!" and "Don't leave me again!" I think brother was touched. I groaned and told her not to write such mushy stuff =P

I was standing at the kitchen door, taking this picture and asking him about stuff in the army, like how his bunk mates are, what they did etc. He said those in his platoon aren't only JC students but also from polytechnic and other places. And boy, do the people there know how to swear!

Wah lao, a lot of bad words lah! All better than me!

I laughed at that. It was one thing to know that it was that way inside based on what your male friends tell you, but it was another hearing it from your brother's mouth.

I asked if there were water parades, he said yes and demonstrated how it was with the commands and having to recite the 7 what of the SAF what before drinking. He also said there were a lot of lectures to attend and it was really boring. He would fall asleep during the lectures. Once, his friend fell asleep and had drool dripping out of his mouth.

That aside, amazingly in his 7 days there, he never learned how to wash anything with washing powder. The only thing he washed was the brown shirt they had to wear in camp. So when he came home, he took out a ziplock bag with 4 pieces of underwear inside and asked me how to wash them. I looked at him in disbelief then instructed him step-by-step. No way was I going to touch those 4 pieces of cloth. And throughout his 7 days there, he never once washed his number 4 though he has worn it for marching several times. Either he don't perspire much, the uniform don't absorb perspiration that easily or they didn't wear it a lot of times because I sniffed it (gingerly) and found there to be no smell.

He also said he didn't want to wash because it was very difficult to fold up the sleeve. Whatever.

Anyway his girlfriend wanted to stay the night. I don't know who said she is to sleep in brother's room but my mother did not allow and said she is to sleep in my room if she is staying overnight. Mum came over to my room to tell me and mouthed to me "what if they make love, then how?" I rolled my eyes. As long as she doesn't get pregnant... In the end perhaps her father did not allow it so she went home.

Brother spent the rest of his time on the computer and phone that night, I suppose satisfying that Internet and phone craving. Then he went to bed nearing 12 midnight, earlier than usual.

This evening he had to go back in again and we sent him to the interchange, the entire family including Xiao Yun.

BOY, WERE THERE A LOT OF MEN-IN-GREEN THERE!!! As long as it's not my brother, I am happy looking at them all. Imagine a whole lot of them, all in Smart 4, all that testosterone! I could not help but grin a little to myself. I walked through a whole crowd of them! Left, right, front and back, I was surrounded by green! It was like a dream come true.

So we waited with him until one of his platoon mates came to tap on his shoulder to tell him they had to gather. I did not understand why all other platoons were standing in the interchange under light while his had to gather beside the interchange, on the grass patch, in the dark. Maybe they wanted to demonstrate the effectiveness of the colour of the uniform because I sure could not see who was who, especially since all of them had eggheads.

Olivia just started waving randomly to the group where we were standing, a distance away. Her rationale was that he would see us and wave back, and he actually did do that. Only that several others also started staring at us wondering why the kid was constantly waving at them. Xiao Yun also waved a couple of times.

He soon got on the bus and that was about when my father realized brother did not tell us what platoon he was from. So he's back there on the island, stuck for the next 7 days.

Hamsters mating

Last night I put the male hamsters into the big tank where the female and kids are. Within the 45 minutes I was watching them, the hamsters have mated a total of 7 times, no less. The first time I saw him mount the female from behind and start to hump at rapid speed, I could not believe my eyes and thought it must have been just cleaning the top of the female hamster head very quickly. After all hamsters do groom each other. The second time it humped, I looked at them closely and was absolutely sure they were mating. By then, I don't think separating them would make any difference any more because we are going to have the babies 3 weeks later anyway.

Oh man, hamsters sure hump very very quickly! The following is a brief description of the mating, please auto-skip if you are below 18 of age or have a very clean mind.

He chases her, he kinds of climbs onto her back, uses his paws to grab her, raise her ass up and hold her there while he humps (at inhuman speed). Think doggy-style for humans. For some reason, his eyes were wide and bright while her eyes were slitted and small while they were mating. That she would scamper away and proceed to groom herself, they would play around for a bit and fight a bit. He would chase her and they would sniff each other's butt and kind of groom each other, they would snuggle up to each other, put their noses against each other (are they kissing or something? Do hamsters kiss?), then he would chase her again, she would refuse then allow him to mount her.

It's kind of sweet and very amusing to watch them mate.

Applying statistical concepts

From cousin surfslayer's blog,

Few days ago,I was (again) complaining to Mum about my lousy results. I always believe that having distractions will screw my results even further.

But Mum said:

"How come your friends who have boyfriends got good results then?"

Ok..I was stunned that I don't know to reply till a few days later...

I replied,

"Mum...Correlation does not equal to causation."

Ar...The wonders of statistics.. ^-^

Ad behind toilet door

This is an advertisement found at the back of the door of a female toilet cubicle in NUS. Don't ask me why the advertisement is still there when the play it's advertising for was long over.

I believe estee once blogged about this and what NUS students nowadays think about marriage.

Something about the writings there bothered me but I did not know what it was until I was in the cubicle doing my business the day before and stared at the paper out of boredom. Then I realized one very important thing:

Did the girls who wrote the comments there did it before they did their business or after and if it was after, did they wash their hands before taking out their pens?

Don't think that girls who look pretty with make up and all are also hygienic, ok. What if these are the same girls who did their business then went on to rummage through their bag for their pencil case, took out their pencil case, search through it for a pen, wrote the comment, put the pen back in and the next day you borrow the same pen she had used? Imagine you then went on to put your finger in your mouth as you thought about a question...

Eew. Gross.

Anyway I seriously hope those girls washed their hands before they wrote anything, for hygiene purposes, though the chance of that happening is kind of slim simply because it's troublesome to go out of cubicle, wash hands and then go in again just to leave a comment. What if there was a long queue outside and she can't go wash her hands first before popping back in so she decides to just write on the spot, with her yellow-stained/chocolate-caked hands?

Heh, did I just kill the reputation of NUS girls? Anyway I have seen the unhygienic side of pretty non-NUS girls and it seriously isn't very flattering.

I took that photo with my camera with perfectly clean hands, by the way.

Of successes, wants and unwanted jealousy

Actually everybody to a certain extent wants to succeed in some way or other.

Have you ever watched your friends succeed and felt incredibly jealous, upset yet happy at the same time? I don't know, is it very bad to feel jealous and upset? I experience these emotions quite frequently. I feel guilty whenever I feel emotions like that regarding a friend's success, especially if that friend really deserve that success. That's a good thing right, it means my friends are really moving somewhere. Only that it's really nice for them, but not for me on the inside. Man, I feel like a complete hypocrite. Don't tell me politically correct things and say they are our friends and we should be happy for them. "Should" is not equals "are". We can think one thing but feel another... Which is what's really bugging me.

When we feel jealous or upset, it is likely that they are holding something we want but don't have. Sometimes I think I can never have that which I want, then I'll tell myself that if I want I can always work for it.

Remember that astro-palmistry master who once set up a booth in NUS over several semesters? You might remember that I once paid him to have my "fortune" told. It wasn't exactly my fortune, but let's just leave it at that. I was at one of my lowest points in life then and needed some sort of guidance, any guidance. He told me really good things, stuff like the sky is the limit for me and if I make the right choice at the right time I can make enough money by 30+ for it to continue accumulating on its own and he kept repeating that I'm really intelligent, blah blah blah. I think I just think too much and I think probably about half of the students there have it good as well anyway. At that point in time such remarks were kind of what I needed to pull me up a little, make me believe in myself, allow me to sit through an examination without walking out.

Somebody once said that knowing what you're capable of is a burden and I agree. Knowing what you can do but that you are not performing up to that mark due to various reasons (one of which might be your own laziness) is... demoralizing. It doesn't matter if the idea of what you can do comes from somebody else or from yourself. That belief is already integrated into ourselves. When I know I can be better, I am constantly looking up there. I might have said this before but I'll reiterate again: I suspect I am missing something down here. I want to be up there, but I'm not climbing and the reason I'm not climbing is because I've got my eyes up there and can't see what's right at my feet.

That's why it's so difficult to accept others' successes, especially when I think that I can do it. Think. Think. That's all I do. See? Repeatedly, I have questioned myself if I can really do it, then I wonder why am I questioning myself and not doing something about it.

Then I think more, start to feel tired and start to spout rubbish, like now. It's 12.42AM, I've almost finished this entry and I feel a little better. Have to go ravage through my Health Psychology readings for tomorrow's tutorial, now.

tstar. 21 years in age. Wishing she is older in mind.

Coversations with Olivia

On the weather,

me: Do you know why it has been so cold and so wet recently?
Olivia: *thinks* Because China is snowing?
me: Nooo! Why you say because China is snowing??
Olivia: Don't know. Anyhow say one. hehe.

On her going to after-school-care,

me: So do you like Child Care Centre?
Olivia: It's not "Child Care Centre"! It's "Student Care Centre"!
me: oops...

Theatre Idols Finals 2008

Theatre Idols 2008 Finals is here once again!

Theatre Idols is presented by ACTION Theatre which is under Theatre Oasis. 38 local playwrights from Action Theatre Playwriting Spa have entered this competition. In this final stage, only 2 playwrights, Jacke and Christine, are left to compete against each other with their plays, "Catching Adam Cheng" and "Numb". Click on picture to read the synopsis of both plays.

Jacke Chye is a Media Marketing Professional while Christine Sim is a NUS Law Undergraduate.

Theatre Idols is a way for local theatre to reach out to Singapore's public, by giving us a say in which plays we feel are good and worthy of a full staging. I think at every competition stage, the public can request for tickets to attend the readings of the scripts, but I have decided to attend the finals instead. Which play gets the full staging is decided purely by the audience's votes, which is us. You vote by SMS on the day itself. If I'm not wrong, the SMS has no extra charge.

I have attended last year's Theatre Idols finals and it was awesome. Although it was a reading of the script (literally, the actors sit onstage and read the scripts), do not think that it is only a reading. The actors did it so well and injected it with so much emotions that I felt it was akin to watching the full play. Plus it's free of charge! You can see which actors are involved in the reading this time round by clicking on the image.

If you're interested, do try to attend it and vote for your favourite play. Even if you don't feel like voting, you can still go down and watch it. Details as below:

Date/Day: 17th March 2008, Monday (tomorrow)
Time: 8pm
Venue: Esplanade Concert Hall
Price: Free of charge
Age requirement: "Numb" is rated R18

Get tickets by emailing info@action.org.sg with the number of tickets you want. Each person is limited to a maximum of 4 tickets. They will send an email for confirmation and you'll only need to print out the email and bring it to the Esplanade Box Office Counter to reclaim your tickets. It's a little rushed, but you can still send your email today! The last year I went, there were still tickets available at the counter even if you did not send an email.

Missing the Brother

Brother has been in Tekong for the past two days.

Last night, father came into my room and told me Olivia thought of brother and cried then she fell asleep. So poor thing.

I SMSed Brother and all he said was,

Boring here. Go back home better. This Thursday...

Don't know if he was touched or not.

And he replied at 5.37am this morning! Freaking early.

on MSN - enlistment 2

In response to having sent my brother off to the army, Yanwei says,

...bet you were like darn high...
...bet you are sad because it is not you who's in the army...

I love the green. And the men in them.

Enlisted

Today is a very important day. It's the day my brother is officially enlisted in the army.

Whatever the term is. I still haven't figured out what "school" and "company" and "platoon commander" means though I've been trying to for quite some time.

He called back just now. Said that he has shaved his head, did some administrative stuff, had to fall in, stand at attention and was screamed at. heh heh. I was probing him for details. Forgot to ask how are his bunk mates. Either he had very little time to call back or he spent a large amount of his free time talking to his girlfriend because when my mother tried calling back, he said he can't talk already.

From the top - this morning. We went to Pasir Ris Bus Interchange where there were buses there to pick us up to the ferry terminal. It was funny to see so many other young boys there with long hair, sling bags and looking, well, quite lost. Then of course there were families, including our whole family and our cousin, Yong Hao. The boys were told to tuck in their shirts even before they boarded the bus. I giggled quite madly.

I initially had a lesson at 10am in the morning but emailed the tutor and requested to attend the latest 2pm class just for today. Fortunately it wasn't much of a problem. In any case I would have gone anyway because firstly, I have never seen any guys off to army before and since my brother's the only guy in our family, he's the only one who I will be able to see being enlisted right from the beginning. The next person I will see off to Tekong would probably be my son, if I have one, but that would be ages away and I don't have the patience to wait that long. Secondly, he's my brother, so of course I must be there to see him him take that step into that very important part of his life which he will spend significant time talking to his friends about in the future.

I finally saw Pulau Tekong after 21 years of my life!!! I'm so happy!

Even at the bus interchange, there were quite a few men in green and some of them look really decent. =D Then at the little-island-off-Singapore, I saw so many men in green, including one in full battle gear at the erm, what, static display(?) that I would have died a very happy person today.

Except that my brother's now away from home for the next 7 days until Good Friday and it is kind of weird to not have him in the house. I even kind of miss him.

So once we reached Pulau Tekong, the boys, or enlistees, as they were called then, were separated from us while we visitors were taken around to see the place where they would be sleeping, training, urinating, eating and chao geng-ing seeking medical help from. It all looked really decent with proper beds, cabinets, mosquito nets, toilets, well-ventilated rooms and all, except that we all wondered how true all of these were. At one point, the usher said he would bring us to look at the room for leisure activities and my mother exclaimed rather loudly,

Huh, you mean they have free time ah?

And that guy turned and walked away with a slight grin on his face. Well thank you very much for that assurance, dear Mr. Usher. I started giggling really badly.

The place looked like a resort with the new buildings and nice surroundings. But it also looked like a prison because the recruits there were dressed in a biege-brown shirt with black shorts and they were staring at us from the opposite building/company.

I loved the static(?) display where they showed us the food rations, equipment, clothes, uniforms, bags and other stuff they will be using. Was extremely excited to see a soldier in full battle gear complete with camouflage cream standing there. Olivia thought he was a fake. I asked my father if I could ask him for his number. Everything looked really heavy. Cousin Yong Hao told us there is a total of about 13+ kg of stuff on the body.

Soon, we were herded off to the Mass Auditorium (MA) or whatever is the name of that hall. The moment we walked in, we saw the enlistees sitting in the centre portion, all very well-behaved, hands placed separately on each lap or knee, sitting up right and not talking at all. It was amazing yet funny at the same time. Cousin Yong Hao said my brother still seem a little resistant because his hands aren't exactly where they were supposed to be. Plus I think he was a little embarrassed that we were talking to him while we walked past him to our seats. He was directly in the first row, so it was easy to spot him. My brother's like that. Quite resistant.

By the way I loved the shaved heads some of them already had.

A video was shown, a speech given by a LTC Loong, followed by the Q&A. One parent said she wants the full powerpoint presentation to be sent to her, everything including the pictures. She said that it is their right as parents, or something along the lines of that.

What is the point in that? She wants to give presentation is it? Everybody was giggling away. I think the LTC was a bit fed up with her and we could all understand that. She insisted for quite a bit saying that she wanted the whole powerpoint with all the handsome army boys pictures inside though the LTC told her at least twice that the material are all inside the booklet given to us. At some point, he told her that the file is huge and if he did that it would make things very difficult but if she really wants to, he could take out the pictures and send just the content to her, though everything is already inside the booklet they had given to us and she could look for the pictures on their website. He sure has a way of making people feel guilty and embarrassed. Some parents are incredulous.

Following the Q&A, the recruits finally gave their pledge of allegiance. It was a little funny to hear the names and NRICs all mixed up into one big mess as they all spoke it at the same time. Other than that, I thought the pledge was quite strong. For those who had gone through NS, you might remember that the last line of the pledge is "with our lives", and the boys sure said it with gusto.

Within the 1 hour we had separated from my brother, he had learned how to say "Yes sir" in response to a question. What did they do to him?

Father to brother when we met him for lunch,

Now you hold great responsibility! You have to protect us!

Me to him when we met him for lunch,

me: What did they do to you just now? What did you all do? They teach you to say "Yes sir" ah? How did they talk to you? You all rehearsed the procedure just now?
him: Nothing much lah... Yes ass lah... A little bit only lah...

Immediately after lunch, they were told to gather and we said bye to him. Just like that, we aren't going to see him for the next 7 days until Good Friday eve when he gets to come out, which is really lucky because by right he should be in there for 2 weeks straight, then he has to book in on Friday night again.

I went to school, went through tutorial, went for test, came home.

My little brother is all grown up. He's in the army and I'm proud of him.

It's weird to know he's not at home.

Overly nice guy

It is freaking 1 am, I have a test tomorrow in the afternoon and I had initially pledged to sleep by 11pm. I am up because I have just spent the last 2 hours or so doing math in my semi-conscious state and finally I'm done.

The day before, I was on the bus to school with MZ when an overly nice guy got up the bus. By the way, NTU has really gone out of its way this time. It has refurbished an entire bus to mimic that of nokia, except that the seats are a whole lot more comfortable than nokia's and I am, thankfully, able to balance myself a little more while sitting on the seats. I was initially so angry when I realized another bus had been refurbished that through half the ride, I was mentally composing a letter to SBSTransit.

What are your opinions on this idea of refurbishing buses for advertising purposes and the timings the buses are on the roads? Do leave a comment if you have traveled on any of these buses before. Tell me if you like it/hate it/are neutral about it and why.

Anyway I was on the bus to school with MZ when this guy boarded the bus. I didn't even notice that he was standing in front of me slightly to my left until I tried opening my new bottle of mineral water. Attempts by both MZ and I to open the bottle failed and suddenly there was a voice from above me,

(words are not exact)

Do you want me to help you open?

I looked up and realized there was somebody in front of me and he was offering to help. Surprised but glad, I accepted it, handed him the bottle and thanked him. I was talking to MZ throughout the journey about several things, including how cold the bus is and commenting on some year 1's happy conversation. Soon after, the seat beside me was available and this guy who had helped me sat down in it. After a few seconds, he took out his windbreaker and asked me,

Do you want to borrow my jacket?

This time round I was really surprised, but politely declined and thanked him. I think he might have been aware that I was more shocked than surprised so he went on to explain that it's because I look really cold. I just told him it's OK and thanked him again, then looked in front with a frozen smile on my face and elbowed MZ who was on my other side. He did not talk to me after that for which I was secretly glad because I frankly wouldn't have known what to do.

Turns out he was a NUS student as well because he alighted at the Office of Estate and Development bus stop. I was telling MZ after that that perhaps he knew we were from NUS and was being nice to us. She said he was being overly nice.

WAS HE HITTING ON ME HUH??? Because if he was, this is my first time, ever. The other time was with MZ and Bao Ling so that don't count. =P So exciting (although he was actually balding) and funny. Or was he just being nice? Hmm, it might have been he being nice though. Entirely possible.

A mistaken second chance

Today I sat for a mid-term test which is 40% of the total grade. It consisted of 3 essays. There was one question I entirely did not study for because I had strongly believed that it would not come out. Well, in a way I could have talked something about Freudian theory to gain me a little marks here and there but truthfully, I was just so afraid of answering essay questions that I decided to just skip the entire question altogether to save me the trouble of freaking out. Plus I had slept a mere 5 hours before and needed all the brain power I could get for the other 2 questions from which I could squeeze at least a few marks from. So I decided to give up that question.

Initially I thought the question was only worth 12 marks, which was why I decided to forgo it completely. I only found out later on that it was worth 35 marks. Then just now I received an email from my lecturer to a few of us saying that we did not do one of the questions at all and since she had previously told us the test was going to consist of only 2 questions, she was going to give us another chance and sit for a make-up question worth 30 marks which we have to complete in 30 minutes.

What should I do? Tell her that I had opted to give up the question because I did not know how to do it at all and thus probably give up the chance for a replacement question, or take it up on the pretext of having misread the instructions, as did the rest on the mailing list? Doing the former is devastating because now I know for sure I'm going to fail this mid-term while doing the latter will make me feel extremely guilty and is unfair for the rest. At the same time, if I decide to do it again, I'll need to prepare myself for another essay, which I really fear greatly.

Deciding to give up the question during the test itself was bad enough, why do I have to make another similar decision again?

What do I do? Help.

Lend me a bag

Olivia, to me, sheepishly,

jie, do you have any bags? Because mine very lame...

She needed to bring a bag to Student Care Centre tomorrow and didn't want to bring her schoolbag (which she would then need to unpack) her barbie-doll sling bag, or any of the other bags which have some sort of prints on them (which are lame). This 9-year-old girl is growing up!

In the end I lent her my Nightmare before Christmas bag which I haven't been using nor intend to use in the near future. Kind of funny, exchange one type of print for another type of print.

Day 70

Day 70 of 2008.

I broke down, again, but I'm still up, alive and kickin. Phew.

Lovin' You by Jane Zhang

This song's original singer is Minnie Riperton but this particular version is by Jane Zhang and recommended to me by a friend. Can't remember if it's Nasrul or seraphim or somebody else. Initially I didn't feel the song was any good because I am sure there were some parts where she kept going out of tune. The song itself is beautiful though and apart from the out-of-tune issue, Jane Zhang does have a nice voice. The lyrics do differ slightly from the original, no idea if it's on purpose or she forgot in lyrics and did some subbing in. If she did subbed in on the spot, she sure did it well. In any case, enjoy the song.

Lovin' You by Jane Zhang



Lovin' you is easy cause you're beautiful
Lovin' you is all I wanna do
Lovin' you I see your soul come shinin' through
And everything that I do is out of lovin' you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do

No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old
And we will live each day in springtime

Cause lovin' you has made my life so beautiful
Every day of my life is filled with lovin' you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do

No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old
And we will live each day in springtime

Cause lovin' you has made my life so beautiful
Every day my life is filled with lovin' you
And lovin' you I see your soul come shinin' through
And every time that we oooooh
I'm more in love with you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do

Quotes at Band practice

Pearlin, after I mentioned to her we have 6 French Horns in the band,

The band is horny!

Me, after watching Pearlin rock on the balls of her feet, tried to do the same and found it painful,

I don't have any balls to rock on.

Kah Siang, referring to Pearlin and me,

They are like 881 sisters...

I'm flat, she's not.

(undesired) Band practice

Wah lao. Band today.

I just want to go home, study and play on piano for a bit. Solitary style of music-making today is desired, not in the mood for "the more the merrier". Unfortunately that will not be the case today.

Sigh. When did I start dreading band practice itself and the hours leading to it?

"Give me leh!"

Olivia, to my father,

你看这本书！一个男孩子给我的 leh！我叫他给我他就真的给我 leh！
(Look at this book! A boy gave it to me! I asked him to give me and he really gave it to me!)

Wah lao. She's only 9! Oi, one of you guys! Give me a laptop!

Hamsters

The female hamster ran out again last night, the same one which escaped on Leap Day. According to my sister, it

...ran around and around in the wooden pen that papa built, in lesser than 1 minute!

I think she meant it ran super fast. The hamster, a she, has since bit 3 holes in the cardboard box in order to get out and each time, my father or brother would tape another piece of cardboard over the holes.
See the corners where there's extra cardboard and the Oreo covering? That's where she bit/scratched through them. The Oreo cardboard covers the latest hole.

It even managed to use its water bottle as a way to get out by climbing all the way up to the top and then jumping out from there. She made the latest hole above by climbing up the bottle and then biting a nice, round, even hole from there when we blocked her way out above with... some basket.


We couldn't shift her into a new tank (not that we have any) because she had just given birth not too long ago and we didn't want to disturb the nest she had amazingly built using tissue paper and torn up toilet rolls.

Nest of tissue paper. All hamsters asleep inside now.

Yes it looks a little tattered but we did not intentionally want her to live in this box with no view of the world except of the nice, white ceiling and our curious, oily, pimpled faces blowing bad air towards it. We had temporarily removed her from the tank which she had shared with the other male hamster before her birth because it had bit her butt until there were two bare areas. Maybe the male hamster liked a little action in their sexual activity. In any case we put her into the first best thing which could hold her, which happened to be this mandarin orange box. A couple of days later she started building a nest (I thought she was just bored) and one day my sister shouted that she saw a red lizard inside.

At a later stage when the babies are a little older, have a little more strength and were able to squirm out of the nest

All 5 babies have since grown up and are about as active as her, running all over the place. A couple of them anyway. The rest just sleep a lot. In that sense they are very alike their father. She was previously a lot more protective over her babies, but now that they have grown fur and have started running around a little, she has not been pulling tissue paper over them as frequently as in the past. Sometimes she even lets us see her feeding her babies.

I suppose they will be her babies for a while more before they grow older and become potential mates. *wrinkle nose* Incestuous! Heh.

Father just said he saw a baby hamster eat from the food container. That particular one's fast! Do they have teeth already?

Childish NUS students

I have just met the most childish NUS students ever in my University school days so far. In fact, they are about as childish as secondary school students. Heck, they might be even worse than secondary school students.

There is this group of students in my math tutorial class, sitting on the left side of the tutorial room who keeps talking and talking while the tutor was going through the questions. In fact, the entire left side of the room was buzzing with sound while the right side of the room was quiet. It wasn't the first time this happened. The past few tutorials they were also talking amongst themselves but I just kept quiet and tried to bear with it. At last week's tutorial, I was so irritated I stared at one of the guys until he noticed, but I don't think he really knows why I was staring at him.

At first I thought it might be normal for people in that faculty to talk during their tutorials so I said nothing. After all when in Rome do what the Romans do, right? But then they were so noisy today the tutor had to tell them to stop talking. I have decided that next week if the same thing happen, I'm going to go up to them and request that they stop talking. Or would a loud "shh" be sufficient?

They were so childish I wondered if they are year ones. I'm sure even most year ones behave better than them! Seriously an utter disgrace.

Quote

From Desperate Housewives, Season 1, 1st half hour,

An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.

Courtesy of a shy friend who does not want to be named. Heh.

Random; $D , =d

I'm busier with watching anime and surfing the web schoolwork nowadays. This is to explain why my recent entries are logged at the ungodly hour of 1am or so.

------------------
Seen on Jeremy's MSN nick,

notice that shift+4d is $D

If you don't get it, there's the link between "4D" and "$D" which looks like money face.

Jeremy: even $d looks like "oooo.. money is yummy"

-----------------
I'm hungry. =d

If you don't get it, "=d" looks like a person with the tongue licking the lips.

On MSN

Saw a friend today in school, talked to him on MSN just now,

me: I see you (in school) super odd
friend: why??
me: weird lor...
like can't imagine you talking in real life the way you do on MSN
friend: can one la
me: cannot lah
haha
friend: yyy
=[
me: the once or twice I talked to you, you so zhen jing (decent)
friend: fake image nia
cuz u look so guai guai (good girl image)
I also dare not
me: Because I guai (I'm a good girl)
friend: you are not
.
.
.
.
friend: wanna get laid or not
.
.
.
friend: lemme know if you wanna get laid

I once scolded him for flirting with my friends.

Seriously, I'm not pretty enough. Here I wondered if guys are sometimes really so desperate they'll sleep with any girl. Should I be flattered here, or is it an indication that I still haven't gotten past that image? In a way I'll never get past that image.

And I do think I'm a good girl... Ok, quit rolling your eyes already. I'm seriously a good girl! See the "good girl" sign on my forehead?

Touched

Today, 5 minutes into Tuesday, I almost cried. Not because I am sad, but because I am touched.

Touched by the presence of love and friendship, touched by the meaning of saying "welcome home" to a friend and touched by art.

It's been a while. It felt right. It felt like I am home.

Quote - I rock

Cousin surfslayer after I helped her with something,

You rock! On a rocking chair! :-D

How do I?

How do I walk into a Counselling Centre and tell them I don't have a mental health problem, just that maybe I need some help and it really isn't anything major?

I terrorize myself.


SH, I'm sorry. For some reason, I freaked out. I didn't mean to freak out.

Singleton

21 years old.

At this point in time, I have given up on having a romantic relationship at all or even the thought of having a boy like me a little, little bit.

It's a little bit early, but I was pondering on the thought of what if I don't ever get married. Alright, maybe I was thinking a little too much. But really, what if? Then I started thinking about the possibility of choosing to be a single mum instead of getting married. That is, I'll select a guy with good qualities with only the intention of mating with him, then bear a child who is mine and only mine. Somehow the idea is more inviting than being in any type of relationship.

Well, a girl has got to plan for her future, right? Something tells me there's a high possibility of me being single for a long, long time. Sigh. Yearn for love, but fear of relationships.

Ok, mind off this! No way I'm going to be depressed over this. I can live off myself.


Dear,

To me, increasingly, you don't exist. Maybe I won't see you in the end after all.

Math

Again while doing (simple) math,

=

I'm too smart for my own good.

Depression and suicide

I look at my blog and the layout makes me feel very, very, very claustrophobic.

And I can feel the swing of my mood towards depressive again. Ok, there's got to be a long term way of dealing with this depressive part of me. Unless you've ever gone through one of these depressive states, you don't really fully comprehend how difficult and painful the whole episode is. I won't say I fully comprehend because I know of some people whom, I believe, have gone through lower mood swings than me.

I'm not talking about common low emotions here, but a state of mood that's so low and lasts so long that it's really scary (to the person).

It's not something that, how most people believe, can be easily dealt with the all-too-common phrase "just forget it and be happy". Trust me, saying that to somebody depressed or in a depressive mood is no help at all. In fact, minimizing it would only make the person feel worse because it indicates to the person that you don't understand at all or think it's simply stupid. Sadly, that's what most people believes, that when a person is depressed, the person is being stupid.

It might be very difficult to understand it at all, that much I know because I am also guilty of having minimized somebody else's problem before. The least we can do is to accept what the person is saying he feels.

I don't really remember how being, here I use the term loosely, depressed, felt and I really don't wish to experience it, not to that extent ever again. I believe some understand what I mean, the hopelessness, helplessness and lethargy. When I'm in that state, I force myself to do things. Things like walking, bathing, studying, eating, talking and smiling. Things like getting up from the chair and answering to a question. Anything that require moving any part of my body.

I had walked along roads and felt the urge to just step out in front of the vehicles. Somebody else I know has told me she once felt like that too. Some time ago when in normal state, I have made a pact with myself that if ever depressed and thinking of suicide, I will not ever do it, however strong is the urge, because I know I will regret it. It is the one thing I will keep in mind and abide by, force myself if I need to, regardless of how things are. Haha, sometimes single-mindedness does help a lot.

Once told cousin before that in any case she feels like contemplating suicide, to always remember my pimply face telling her to stop. I don't know how to explain it, in the beginning it's something like forcing yourself to believe in something you don't, then later on you (hopefully) simply believe in that sentence - "I'll regret it". I'd just keep repeating to myself in my head. I believe most people don't really want to commit suicide.

Which reminds me - if somebody ever tells you she/he is contemplating suicide, don't ever dismiss it. The more plans a person has made regarding his/her suicide, the more likely he/she will go ahead with it. If somebody tells you he/she is thinking about suicide, it really is a cry for help.