Thursday, January 31, 2008

Good boys. Not.

Boys.

Even if they say they're a good boy, look like a good boy, act like a good boy, think you know them to be good boys, in the end a lot of them are the same - they would go for you if you show a little leg, a little skin or tease them a little. Then after that when they get tired of you, think they've seen enough of you (or your body), had enough of you, they ignore you and leave you to wonder what's happened.

And I'm still that stupid girl anyway.

Learned a little more about him and it isn't what I expected. I'm so stupid.

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Song - Beautiful

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Beautiful by Christina Aguilera

Spoken:
Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, I saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay

And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today

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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Song - I've Never Been To Me

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When I first heard the lyrics to this song, I thought the girl in the song was a prostitute. She had to be tough, bitter and sorrowful yet a very nice person. I thought the girl in the song had to have had an abortion.

It is a very nice song, loved it the moment I heard it. Hope you'll like it too.

I've never been to me by Charlene

Hey lady, you lady
cursing at your life
you're a discontented mother
and a regimented wife
I have no doubt
you dream about the things you never do
but I wish someone had a talk to me like I wanna talk to you

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
Took the hand of a preacher man
and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces
Because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady please lady
don't just walk away
Cause I have this need to tell you
why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
still living in your eyes
won't you share a part
of a weary heart that has lived a million lives

Oh, I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece
when I sipped champagne on a yacht
I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo
and showed them what I've got
I've been undressed by kings
and I've seen some things that a woman ain't s'pose to see
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Spoken:
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie
a fantasy we created about people and places
as we like them to be
but you know what truth is?
it's that little baby you're holding
and it's that man you fought with this morning
the same one you are gonna make love with tonight
that's truth that's love

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children
that might have made me complete
but I, I took the sweet life
I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I spent my life exploring
the subtle whoring
that costs too much to be free
hey lady I've been to paradise
but I've never been to me...

I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...

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Quote

A/P Chua Tin Chiu during GEM2901 Reporting Statistics in the Media lecture, going through a hypothetical news article with us,

"... (reads news article) If I would do it again, would I want to be the same person?"

No...

Why can't I keep my hair...

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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Old friend

The 2 best things I can have:

1) Family
2) Friends

Talking online with that group mate of mine back in Year 1 semester 2, that malaysian guy I twittered about today. Wah, feels very good to be talking to people I haven't been talking to for a very long time.

OH OH OH! I remember why I keep thinking that my friend looks like somebody else! Kevin, that handbells instructor from Hong Kong, looks like my friend! No wonder I have that nagging feeling in my mind the whole of today.

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One very small goal

I don't know how to make an impact on the world. I don't know how to influence those around me to want to change something about themselves, to aim for something higher, to rethink their wants and goals. I don't have such great power, I don't have such a good heart, I don't have the ability, the charm and the wit to make others remember or respect me.

I used to think of a lot a lot of things and I still do. I used to want to achieve a LOT, but I think right now I think it's too much. I don't know if I'll ever be able to complete all those huge goals that I have - that I still have. Maybe next time I will be able to, or maybe I won't ever be able to. I don't know.

So now I only have a few very small goals.

1) Graduate from NUS
2) Read more on financial stuff
3) Talk to my uncle more

I would love to be able to find my uncle a job. He's in his mid-40s, is diabetic, has lost a leg, has deteoriating vision and according to my father, has low IQ. He has been staying at home, doing nothing except for the basics plus reading the papers, watching television and most of the time, sleeping, for many, many years already. I don't know if he's bored or not, but if it were me I would be. My cousin, Junxiang, was very wise and kind-hearted to have especially come down to my grandmother's place just to talk to him. I don't think I would be able to do anything much regarding the job thingy, so I guess the least I can do is to do what my cousin did - talk to my uncle a little bit more.

I can't impact many. Maybe I can just make a single person's life very slightly better.

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Monday, January 28, 2008

NUS - Going (more) green

Couple of weeks ago, the University adopted a 25 degree Celsius central air-conditioning policy as part of the move towards being more environmentally friendly. I could not be happier because now I don't have to freeze in the LTs anymore and my heart don't have to ache so much at the thought of how much more unnecessary gases are released into the atmosphere, just so that shops like "Winter Wear" can earn more.

Anyway, received NUS Students' Union newsletter in my mail just now. Here are parts of the email:

Rebate2Earth Campaign – Reduce the Use of Plastic Bags on Campus

Surveys have shown that about 40,000 plastic bags were used per month in the past year in the NUS Co-op stores alone....

... NUSSU Students Against the Violation of the Earth (NUSSU SAVE), in collaboration with the Office of the Provost, the Campus Sustainability Committee and NUS Co-op, will launch its Rebate2Earth Campaign on Monday 4th February 2008.

With effect from next Monday, NUS Co-op will no longer be dispensing free plastic bags for purchases made at its stores. Instead, plastic bags will be available at $0.10 each. The proceeds collected from the sale of plastic bags will be deposited into a coin box at the cashier’s counter and will go towards supporting future environmental projects in NUS.

Over the next few months, more partners, stores and canteens in the University will participate in the Rebate2Earth Campaign....

So from 29th January onwards, if you want to either save your 10 cents or contribute a little to saving the environment, remember to bring your own bag to the Co-op when you all buy things ok! If bringing a bag/plastic bag/extra bag is too embarrassing, actually you can just stuff your books into your normal school bag.

I realized there are actually quite a few environmentally-conscious ones among those I know. Never thought I'd hear my friend tell me we should recycle the plastic microwave containers that the food we bought from the canteen were stored in.

The Recycling Bean may emphasize on recycling, but he also approves of any other green moves

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Sunday, January 27, 2008

Musicovery

Just tried out this website - Musicovery - a website where you can listen to songs, something like an online radio only without the DJs.

Musicovery covers a huge range of music all the way from the 50s to the current hits, as well as most types of music genres. I think it's only English music because I have yet to come across music in any other language while using it and have not been able to find any options allowing me to select song language. Would be lovely if I can listen to Chinese music on it. In any case it has been pretty fantastic so far, especially for somebody like me who knows only a small library of music, and I guess that is where the name Musicovery comes from - for people to discover new music and to re-discover songs long forgotten.

You can either use Musicovery for free or sign up for a fee of $2.10 per month. Don't know if it's in US$ or S$. Probably US$. The quality of music you hear if you decide to use it for free is lower while the latter is of good quality. I think both allows you access to the entire Musicovery music library. I don't know how's it like when you sign up because cheapo me opted to listen to it for free without registering at all. The quality of music is fine by my standards too.

The design of the website is rather interesting. This is what you'll see when you first enter the site:

Photo source (because my computer's resolution do not allow me to capture the screen in full)

I like the white colour scheme and the simplicity of the design.

To select your mood of music, click in the grey rectangular box in the approximate area that corresponds to the mood of your selection. For instance, click somewhere in the space between "dark" and "calm" to get music of that mood. Click slightly more towards "dark" if you want more of your music to be of that mood. You can also select the decades' music at the top, the genre at the coloured boxes, whether your tracks are commercial hits, non-hits or those you have never heard before.

Once you have made your selections, the radio will only play when you choose the mood of music - at least that is what has been happening for me. The songs appears in a spider-web/mind-map concept:


The good thing is that you can change the choice of music you want to listen to any time by making your choices on the "controller" on the left. This time round no need to click on mood for music to start playing. Watch the mind-map change! You can also pause the music, buy the music, ban or favourite your songs (only if you are a member).

The bad thing so far is that I am unable to scroll further up or down the "mind-map", so once a song goes out of screen, the best I can do is to click on the round knob on the "controller", bringing me to the list of last songs played but which plays only approximately 20 seconds of the music. And no Chinese music!

*edit* You can scroll up and down by clicking on the white areas and dragging it around. Thanks, Frederic! Frederic is the creator of Musicovery.*

There are lots more stuff. Read it here and explore it at musicovery.

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Saturday, January 26, 2008

“不敢见到你”

喜欢一个人是什么意思?喜欢一个根本没留意到自己的人,喜欢上一个这一生也不会再喜欢上我的人,很笨对不对?我笨了还廷久,就一直忍着。朋友说我无药可救。哈哈!现在还不错,多多少少控制得了感情。但不敢见到他因为怕我忍不住又再次陷入“无底洞”。

不知道为什么无缘无故会有点心酸,感觉空虚。做些事来分散注意力吧!

有时后简单还是最美。

Ok, maths homework.

(Translation: What does it mean to like somebody? To fall for someone who does not notice me, who in this lifetime won't ever fall for me. Utterly stupid, isn't it? I've been stupid for quite some time then. Some friends say I'm hopeless. =D Things are still okay now - I'm controlling my feelings relatively well. But I don't dare to see him again for fear of falling deeper in.

Feeling heartache and emptiness for no particular reason. Shall do some stuff to take my mind off things.

Sometimes simplicity is still the best.)

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Yiang Shan and Pearlin in studio, with their arms linked,

YS: Why are you pressing my arm to your...
Pearl: ....
Pearl: Sorry!
me: Tsk! Aiyo! Pearlin! Why you so perverted!
Pearl and YS: (in Chinese) I learn from Stephanie one!
me: ??!!

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Ruifang's 21st birthday celebration

Attended one of the funniest birthday celebrations yesterday. Ruifang's turning 21 very very soon, in less than a week.

I was the first to arrive there although it was already 15 minutes past meeting time. Ruifang arrived next, sporting a very nice haircut.

"My face look very round hor?! Maybe if I do this then face looks slimmer..."

She asked me to delete the photo above. Hehehe! =P

Very, very slowly, people started to arrive. YZ came from work, in full black attire - Shirt, pants, shoes, blazer, watch, bag, mascara - everything was black.

RF, me, YZ

The red shirt is the gift they got me for my 21st birthday.

8pm. This is about 3/5 of the number of people who were suppose to arrive:


Halfway through conversation, RF's friend-in-striped-tee doing that "what the fuck" hand-sign. Eh I thought this hand sign was only known in ping.sg? Is it universal or something. RF's friend-in-orange-tee posing at the back. I don't know what is Frankie doing.

Frankie, Friend-in-orange-tee, Friend-in-striped-tee

As you would be able to tell, I have since forgotten all their names. Heh. In fact I forgot their names 30 seconds after they told me.

RF's female friend 1, Frankie, Friend-in-orange-tee

Friend-in-striped-tee and RF's female friend 2

I only remember this very pretty girl's name - Amelia.
I think.

Top of Gui Zhi's head

Two of the dishes:
YZ's some-salmon-dish

Her salmon was bigger than mine, so I was warming her dish with my camera flash.

Gui Zhi's some-grilled-dory-thingy

Had some finger food after that while waiting for 4 others to arrive. We couldn't order heavy desserts because there was the cake later on which RF didn't know about. Gui Zhi called the friend-in-orange-tee on the handphone although they were only 2 metres away from each other, to discuss some matters regarding the cake and finger food because they didn't want RF to hear. I was very blur, didn't know the cake was a surprise and was asking why are they talking on the phone.

Finally the staff of essential brew brought the cake up and we started singing only "Ha-------" (pronounced "heh", the first syllable of "happy"). When we lunged into the song, another group of people at the other end of the area started singing with us. Because both our group and their group are situated at extreme ends, it seemed as if the whole level of diners were singing. Oh this group of people is somehow related to our group I suppose. Ruifang and some of them with us knew one of them in the other group.

Immediately after we finished the song for RF, another cake was brought up for another another group of people, tucked away in a little corner. So we sang them a birthday song too. =D

"No no! You must make a wish!"


Hope she had an enjoyable early birthday celebration. Glad that she likes the scarf we got for her.

Cake was fantastic. A layer of chocolate fudge on top.

By the time I finished the cake, I could not stand the air in my stomach (a side-effect of gastric pains) anymore and went to the toilet to let it out and also to shit in the process. By the way, our table was directly in front of the toilet and I kept seeing the inside of the toilet.

And the group of people in the room in Essential Brew were making funny sounds. Male go "woo-woo" then after that a female screamed. People at our table started thinking all over the place. Tsk, young people these days! *shakes head*

----------------
I walked the entire of Vivocity yesterday for 4 hours while waiting for 6pm to come so I could head to Holland V. Legs very tired.

Was Plateau Serenade a dish at Essential Brew? Had it once with pingsters at an outing there, but when I asked them again they say they don't serve the dish. Hmm. Why? For then only?

Holland Road Shopping Centre, though small, has some very nice shops inside. Some of the prices there are slightly lower than other places. Others are not.

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Quote

Found in "Social Work in Context - A Reader",

Subsidised services do not just pop up arbitrarily like mushrooms...

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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Almost the lousiest day

It was almost the lousiest day today.

Because academics means a lot to me, because it is a big contributor to my self-esteem, because I have super high expectations of myself, because I am now in possession of a CAP of which I have never thought I would be at, I am now a very bruised person. I avoid talking as much as possible about grades and CAPs (especially mine - not because I'm one of those who hide my grades away, but because I am too embarrassed and tired to face all of this again) and the modules I'm taking this semester (because I have to repeat repeatedly to others which modules I'm taking and when they realize I'm taking 6 modules, I have to explain for the nth time that I have failed a module before), all of which are very very very demoralizing for me and I don't exactly wish to talk about it anymore. I've since taken to either missing out on mentioning a module I'm taking so that I can avoid going through the 6-module-conversation, or simply saying "No lah, I have to take 6 modules this semester" and leave it at that.

It's not their fault when people start asking about which modules I'm taking. Firstly, it's a basic conversation starter and secondly, basic curiosity. How would they know my mood anyway.

Side-track a bit. I usually am never interested in what modules others are taking unless asking is absolutely necessary to ease a question in my mind. Didn't quite see the point in asking, but nowadays I've realized that it serves more than these two functions. It's really also something like networking. You talk to them, take the same modules, get them on your side, you have a couple more friends to do stuff with in lectures/tutorials... Oh, utter rubbish. I couldn't be bothered with all these in the past few semesters. Then the older I got, the more tired I am in initiating conversations and starting everything on a clean slate with somebody new. It was simply easier to pick up where I left off with somebody I presently know.

Ok, coming back. It isn't people's fault when they start asking what modules I'm taking. I'm just a little tired of having to dish out the same reply over and over and going through that disappointment over and over again. If I could, I would avoid the topic unless I ask for information from somebody, then I'd volunteer my own information, in courtesy and respect of the other person.

So today I met 2 of my JC mates, SL and PY, for lunch. Was good to see them again. SL's friend, Janice, I think, joined us in a while because she happened to walk by. I came back to the table first so Janice and I struck up a conversation while waiting for the rest. Conversation drifted towards the event that she attended prior to lunch - a recruitment talk by some government bodies. She was telling me that they don't accept anybody below 2nd Upper Honours and conversation went along the lines of if-you-are-below-that-level-you-are-so-dead-and-you-have-no-future-anymore and how she's feeling the pressure to maintain her CAP, and which government body she wants to join... And all I could think of was "oh god, I'm a 3rd class, where does this leave me?" and "can this conversation stop please?" Very down, very sad, very heartache, felt very useless.

A filling lunch, but left with a very empty heart.

Constant reminders and encouragement by myself that things can still get better, that there are other things in life, that there is still time, that everything really is in the mind, that the self is one's own worst enemy. Yet when faced against reality and the achievements of others, every word and belief crumble. I cannot believe that I am looking at the accomplishments of others instead of concentrating on my own. Cannot believe that I'm comparing myself against others. Cannot believe that this is where I am.

Seeing,
the goal but not the steps.
Falling,
reaching out by instinct to grab.
There is only sand
and it slips through the fingers.
Scared.

Never found the need to look up. Too proud? Too blind? Too naive.

Now I think I can understand a little more how some feel in this position that I am in now. To hold that confidence I once had. To see others have chances delivered to their doorsteps when I have to source for them. To be down here, or rather, to have my eyes cleaned out, to see where I always was. Haha. I laugh at myself - all the positivism, negativism and the unimportance of all I've said.

Individualistic.
Egoistic.
Narcissistic.

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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Sore knee

Cham. 1 pill per day like not enough. Still limp and painful. Is it tolerance set in already or is it not strong enough or I'm thinking too much. Very upsetting leh. =(

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Quote

你的美让我感动

-- Kevin, 天使的纸飞机 (Angel's Wings)

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Saturday, January 19, 2008

Plastic Bags

When you go shopping, have you ever taken notice of the plastic bags that you carry? The colour, size, handle and how the plastic bag is structured to fit the items it is meant to carry or even to make it easier for you to bring along the rest of your trip.

Was cleaning my room today and found a lot of plastic and paper bags. Also dug out the entire stack of plastic bags in my piano chair. I don't know how that many bags managed to squeeze itself into one small space - in a chair, no less. I found myself getting very fascinated with the number and types of plastic bags there were. There were similarities between the different bags and there were also differences between similar-looking bags. Yes I interest myself in funny things.

As such, this post will be about some of the plastic bags I saw in the pile. If you see my toe or fingers inside, please forgive me. Usually I'd have never allowed this to happen (perfectionist streak) but for some reason my limbs decided to be very vain today. And my toe nail is slightly black because I once dropped the entire case of bells onto the toe during a show sometime last year. Black's always fashionable anyway, right.

Found this completely blank plastic bag, a rarity because shops usually like to print their names onto the bags. Decided to keep this simply because it's blank. Anyway, I realized that plastic bags have certain similar styles. A lot of them are styled after this - a handle, folds at the side and completely straight at the bottom.


Similar but different sizes and different colours:



Similar, yet different. Similar handle but different plastic feel and fold:

Same design from This Fashion:

Transparent with a handle on top, made with the same type of plastic but with different foldings. This one is folded only at the bottom. When opened, it can stand and, I assume, made also for accommodating the items it is meant to hold.

Why does This Fashion need the bag to stand? Or why does the bag needs to be structured so? The clothes inside are not exactly clean - imagine, they've been thrown all over the place by people who handle the clothes (all over the world) and worn by multiple people trying them out. Not to mention that the clothes don't have a square, rectangular or hard bottom that needs to sit at the bottom of the bag in the manner that the bag is structured. The previous 2 types of plastic bag have bottoms that are vertical and cannot open much - by right they're sufficient for clothes, as the one by Giordano is:

Giordano's, however, has no folds by the side, which means you can't expand it as much as the other two. Hmm, maybe because customers from the other shops buy a lot more than from Giordano at one time? Ok, rubbish answer. Probably because it's cheaper to buy this in bulk than the others. But simplistic - I like.

Notice the handle is no longer extending out from the bag, but is within the perimeter of the bag itself, a round hole to put your nice, small hand in.

Another similar style by Robinsons - round handle, same shape, different colour and size:


Ero Lingerie's plastic bag

Round, within-bag-itself-handle

For a shop selling nice lingerie, its plastic bag sure is ordinary.

Also round-handled, but with the folded bottom:


The above is from a Duty-free-shop, within Airport premises, I think. For this, I understand the need for a bottom like that, but for This Fashion and Esprit? Do the pants come with a free butt inside that needs to sit? Ok, darn sarcastic. Sorry.

Then there are huge plastic bags. So huge that it covers my entire piano seat:


Here's a comparison with the Ero Lingerie plastic bag:
Round-handled

In contrast, a small one with the same design:


So small I can fit 2 onto one seat and still have space to spare:

Super cute. I like small plastic bags.

Then you have plastic bags that are long. Almost as long as the seat...

Comparison with Giordano's

... but still round-necked.

I don't understand why shops selling clothes need to have long plastic bags. Aren't long plastic bags for things like long boxes, liquor or whatever that needs to be kept standing straight and stiff for fear of spillage? Hmm, sounds like something else... Anyway this type of plastic bag for clothes is completely non-functional and only for aesthetic purposes.

Then you have those with cute cute prints:

I don't like cute cute prints. The above is ugly anyway.

Quite like this design from Body Shop, don't know how long ago already.

Don't know how much it can open up also and don't know if it's useful or not because I don't shop at Body Shop. HAHAHA! It just reminds me of the plastic bag from that doughnut shop in Hong Kong and that plastic bag is big and interesting because it can store a huge, rectangular box of doughnuts! Sadly, I have forgotten how the bottom and sides open up to fit in such a box.

A more rarely seen type of plastic bag. Note the handles:

I don't recall seeing this type of plastic bag and handle very often now. I think The Wallet Shop still uses it, but I don't exactly remember other shops having this design, except perhaps for jewellery shops. Then again it could just be me since I rarely go shopping.

Plastic from Tangs with that particular handle, don't know how long ago


Of course then you have those ordinary plastic bags you take home from the market and provision shops. Go and look in your rubbish bin if you've forgotten how it looks like. Your parents would ordinarily line the bins with it. If you've forgotten how it looks like, it also means that you've either been shopping uptown or online too often.

Can't believe I actually did a post entirely on plastic bags.

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張惠妹 - 解脱

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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Hamsters escaped and 1 other photo

Yesterday father built a larger enclosure for the hamsters to run about at night. Last night I found the enclosure and tank empty and wondered if I was blind or if they had escaped. I kept pushing one of the houses inside the enclosure and something kept squeaking. Took me a while to realize that it wasn't the hamsters protesting but is really the sound made by friction between cardboard and tiled floor.

Wondered stupidly if the hamsters had escaped, but could not figure out how. Walked out of the balcony and immediately saw two fur balls hunched in two different corners of the house. Woke father up and he caught one with no problem.

The other one happily ran under the damn fridge to hibernate. We kept trying to get it out by shining a non-shiny torchlight underneath the fridge, then switching off the kitchen light and using long sticks and broom and anything else we can use to try and chase it out. I told my father it's a hamster, not a thing that can be swept out.

We finally woke my brother up (because they are his property) although he has to wake up for work at 4am. He sat in front of the fridge while I had my face plastered to the floor, trying to see where I'm poking the stick under the fridge. Then the stupidly-intelligent-mouse ran out, only minutes after my brother sat in front of the fridge. I think it must have smelt its master's body odour or something.

Brother promptly slapped a cardboard box over the stupid mouse while father stood behind my brother, in an American football position, in case the stupid mouse ran off again. I stood to my brother's left, some way away from the stupid mouse that is trying to escape from the weak cardboard box, telling somebody to put the door mat into the gap between fridge and floor.

My father cleverly put the toilet roll, which the stupid mouse really likes, in front of it. Stupid mouse ran into the tube and we dumped the whole thing into the tank. Brother went back to sleep.

I have renamed them from "mousey 1" and "mousey 2" to "stupid mouse" and "stupid rats".

This morning I found one of them sleeping like that:

A clearer look

Wah lao!

Yes I'm afraid of small furry animals.
------------------

Cousin YY found piggy so cute she decided to take photos with it.


So I took a picture of them taking a picture together.

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Another perverted nick

In relation to the previous post, seen on another's MSN nick,

point and shoot

Am I perverted or are my friends perverted.

Ok, don't answer. I know what you all are going to say already.

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Perverted quotes

On MSN with friend,

"Hey, what's up?"

"My dick."

With same friend, talking about my running nose,

friend: Just put a plug in it
me: Wait it explode, or I breathe it in, or it get stuck how!
friend: hahaha
friend: you have to learn the blowjob technique, how to get it in but not too deep
me: .........

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Back from temple

Just came back from the temple. Hope you all don't mind me talking a little about religion and my luck for next year.

Was told (by the deity?) that my luck won't turn for the better until June.
Sigh, I'm really tired already, still have to go through this torturous time for another 6 months.

Studies-wise, I was given some very practical advice. He said that I can't concentrate and forces myself to study when I can't absorb anymore, and advices me not to 读死书。Translated into English, it means something along the lines of "don't just memorize your material". But the overall meaning of his advice I feel that he's trying to tell me that it's very dependent on me.

Listened a lot to my father and aunt in the car talking about Taoism and Buddhism. I've always been interested in these 2 seemingly similar yet different religions, but for us it's really overlapping and both are one. I don't know if it matters whether I subscribe exclusively to one or the other, but perhaps it really don't, at least to me. Have always wanted to learn more about the praying practices of both Taoism and Buddhism and the reasonings behind them. This want stems from 2 sources - one, my own interest, two, the fear that these religions would die out with the older generation. There is so much learned, discovered and gathered over the years, centuries, that to lose all of this within a few decades would be a pity.

Tonight, my elders said something that made me ponder - does education really affect our views of religion to such an extent that it's detrimental? So that our belief has lessened, simply because we are very much trained to be like scientists, to only believe what we can see and proof. And simply because we do not experience certain things, because we cannot see certain things, we both unconsciously and consciously decide that they do not exist? Or if we believe that they exist, this "scientist" mindset has perhaps strongly reduced the belief?

The above is written with the idea of deities from Taoism and Buddhism in mind. I don't know how is it for the other religions simply because I do not understand them and I do not wish to generalize my feelings and thoughts about the educated who supposedly belong to Taoism or Buddhism, to all of the other educated in other religions. Also because I have the general idea that it is fairly common for people over several age groups, education level, ethnicities and religious beliefs to doubt the existence of deities in Taoism and Buddhism.

See how I lumped both Taoism and Buddhism together? I admit I don't quite differentiate between them because my family don't really differentiate between the two. I'm also one of those who hold doubts about the existence of deities. After listening to the talk of my elders tonight, however, some of that doubts might already be erased.

From the beginning, I may have expressed belief that religion is a purely subjective idea. Perhaps along the way I might have started expressing disbelief. However, whatever happens or have happened, I know I could never be an Atheist.

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My University education - chances lost

Seriously, I could have cried when I see what I have done with my university education, only that crying don't exactly help anything. So what to do? Do what I can now and salvage the situation lor. Sometimes you really have to spend a lot of money to teach a person some very simple things, or spend a lot of money while waiting for the person to grow up. My heart aches over all that money wasted.

Some chances only appear once. Sometimes you can create your own chances. Other times there are other routes to the same goal.

I hope I still have a long life ahead of me because there are still a lot of things I haven't done and I need a lot of time for them. Have wasted so many chances these past 2.5 years, don't wish to waste any more.

Need to step across the barrier of fear and uncertainty.
Need to be a little less anxious because if not I'll stumble over everything (how ironic in accordance to this post).
Need to find my heart - to know what I want.

Ok, now need to sleep. Good night.

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Monday, January 14, 2008

What I learned, and miss

Do you know what I learned through these past few years?

The best person to trust is yourself.
You need to learn to trust yourself.
You need to have self-esteem.
No matter what life throws at you, you can get through them.

The last year made me realize some things about myself. I never knew I was this weak, this aimless. I realized for me everything starts in the mind. If I truly believed I could do something, I could achieve something decent.

I learned to make myself sit through times when giving up seems easier. I'm still figuring how to take away that "make myself".

I saw politics in the music scene and realize politics is everywhere, as long as humans are around and there's work to be done.

I threw somebody's heart quite brutally around, and ended up getting my own stepped on. Multiple times. I'm glad the guy was nice to me during that short while, though we haven't spoke for 3 months since my birthday. Haha. Thank you. This heart has belonged to somebody else already for a long time, but not for too long more, I hope.

I know better which area of Psychology I'm interested in now. It isn't extremely specific, but it'll take me through this last 1.5 years nicely.

I still stutter when I talk. Haha. And sometimes I still talk too fast. If you see me stop talking suddenly and taking deep breaths in the middle of speech or making "argh" sounds while talking, I'm actually trying to make myself talk slower.

Do you know how much I miss those Secondary school days? I miss being naive and silly and being surrounded by friends and music-making mates and loving music whole-heartedly and going to band straight after lessons and getting gastric attacks as a result of that.

And for some reason I'm thinking of Cheston and my eyes are kind of filling up.

I'm in an emotional and nostalgic mood today.

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Notes from first day of school

  • Woke up. Throat uncomfortable.


  • Was late for the first lecture.

  • Keep sneezing in lecture.

  • Module had the smallest number of students I had ever seen.

  • Stomach growled very loudly in lecture.

  • Lecturer is a very pretty German lady.

  • I decidedly like that module.

  • Had second lecture straight after first lecture.

  • Went to computer lab to access CORS to bid for 6th module.

  • Was reminded how nice it would be to have a laptop.

  • Was reminded how many shows I'd have to do to afford a laptop.

  • Second lecture was in same Lecture Theatre as the first lecture.

  • Was late for second lecture.

  • Friend bought packet of bee hoon for me to eat in lecture. =) It's nice to know somebody in lecture.

  • Feel very old in second lecture. The rest all feel like kids.


  • Met a couple of persons to hand to and get textbooks from.

  • Think 1st years are very different from us - some so talkative and bold. Ok, different from me at least.

  • Sneezed a few times.

  • Irritated with the 2nd seller because she kept changing locations and timing. I don't care if you have to carry that few-cm-thick book around for the whole day, stick to the bloody timing and quit wasting my SMSes on confirming timing and place. You were the one who set the timing in the first place anyway. And the book is really very light.


  • Got my 6th module in AS7 computer lab.

  • Took bus home.

  • Sneezed in bus.

  • Fell asleep in bus.

  • Fell sick.


  • Bought Chrysanthenum drink.

  • Sneezed some more.

  • Farted some also. Very smelly but very comfortable.


  • NUS students, hope you had a good first day at school. I feel old in school already.

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    Sunday, January 13, 2008

    It's back to school

    Yay! I'm going back to school tomorrow!

    Remember when I was in Primary school, school reopening means having to head down to Bata to buy white school shoes. Then we have to pack our schoolbags, but I always pack a lot of stuff inside because I didn't know what would be used. A bit nostalgic.

    Cham, now I don't feel like going to school. Want the holiday to last longer. Brother is in his room, relaxing away. Ok, he has to work tomorrow, I think.

    -----------------
    National University of Singapore (NUS) has changed its president.

    President Shih Choon Fong has been named as the Founding President of the King Abdullah University of Science and Technology (KAUST) and will be leaving National University of Singapore (NUS) at the end of the year...


    ...“Professor Tan Chorh Chuan will succeed Professor Shih as the next President of the National University of Singapore”...

    I must be very ill-read because I don't understand what does the phrase "Founding President" mean. He founded KAUST? Does that mean he will be leave Singapore for Saudi Arabia? Puzzled.

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    Saturday, January 12, 2008

    Romance and Beauty (World)

    I think in all the things that I've done and experienced (which really isn't a lot), the one I failed most in is probably in love and relationships. I mean it's even worse than in terms of my academic and music life lor. Seriously, I don't even know how it really is in a relationship. All of mine are.... in the middle of nowhere. Is it so difficult to find a serious and good guy who likes me and whom I like back? I don't even need him to be ultra good-looking lor. By the way, I think my friends will agree that I have bad tastes in men anyway. They think the guys I'm interested in are not good-looking. Excuse me! I look at the heart okay! This is called the inner beauty! Walao. *multiple pokes*

    Ok, going to watch Beauty World this Wednesday or Saturday. Hopefully YZ can make it, if not I'd have to go watch alone again. Anyway it's nice to watch a musical alone, nobody to disturb you and you get to submerge yourself fully into the whole atmosphere as well as in your own thoughts of the musical after the musical.

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    Suki Sushi

    My family went for dinner at Suki Sushi just the other day. Admittedly, I've never heard of this place before.

    Suki Sushi is a Japanese restaurant set up by a Singaporean. The first restaurant is located at Ang Mo Kio, the other one at Punggol Plaza, and it is the latter, and the newer one that we went to. The main draw of this place is the fact that the sushis cost $0.99 per coloured plate, which is a whole lot cheaper than other Japanese restaurants with the same dining concept. There are 2 other prices for sushis on the conveyor belt - $2.99 for white plates and $5.99 for the red plates.

    I'm not an avid fan of Japanese food, nor do I visit such restaurants frequently so I won't say that I know how to judge the quality of the food fairly nor say that my comparisons to the other restaurants stand. I'll just tell you what I feel about the place and the food that we tried.

    We went at about 6pm+, so I don't know if it was because of the timing where the sushis were being replenished after the lunch buffet time (if there is one!), but I found a large enough variety of sushi on the belt as compared to the few others that I've went to. I also loved the salmon they had - it was fresh! And it was on the $0.99 plates! My brother had so many plates of the salmon because he's a sucker for salmon, like me. I felt that a nice amount of the good stuff were on the $0.99 plates and of course some were on the $2.99 ones. Frankly though, there were so many varieties on the coloured plates that I did not have time to venture into the white ones. Ok, I'm a small eater =P

    The belt was constantly replenished so we often had to find a way to squeeze the container of wasabi back onto the belt. I remember I was at another sushi restaurant with Jenny the other day for a late lunch and the belt was so empty or the same few varieties were going round and round that I was sick of looking at them. Dinner at Suki Sushi was different from then. Well, it might have been the timing...

    The kitchen is located right smack in the middle of the cozy restaurant and entirely open so you can see the chefs prepare your order or the sushis on the belt. It's kind of nice because you can tell the waiters/waitresses what you want and after the chef is done, there is one helper inside the area who will lean over the belt and directly hand you the plate.


    Worth a try. Good for satisfying that Japanese-food-craving and goes easy on the pocket!

    Have you ever seen what a real Japanese sushi restaurant is like? I haven't, but I wonder just how fresh can sushi be.

    Read reviews of Suki Sushi, the Ang Mo Kio branch, on Yebber.com.

    TheGodFasha (on Yebber.com):

    Didn’t know about this hidden place until my gf brought me to it. Wah... I can only say it’s every pennies worth! Eventhough their standard is not that fantastic, it’s also not that bad. Could see they are very generous with their servings! As in the other reviews, I affirm that the price is the most attractive factor! Cheap and good I say! With $50 bucks you can feed 4 mouths!! What a deal!! Anyone with a cheapskate mind like me should go! (I mean it in a good way ah...Hahaha...)

    Suki Sushi 4190 Ang Mo Kio Ave 6 #01-B KBox Plaza Tel: 6456 8191

    AND

    Suki Sushi 168 Punggol Field #B1-05 Punggol Plaza
    Tel: 6387 8192

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    Getting attached

    I asked my friend how he got together with his current girlfriend.

    Friend: Knew her from camp last semester. Just ask her free for lunch?
    Friend: like that =D
    me: huh! wah lao, so unromantic!
    Friend: ehhh u teach me one lehhh >.<
    me: ISIT? I DID?
    me: shit, I'm so unromantic
    Friend: you say get to know girl just ask them out for coffee
    Friend: or something like that X_X
    me: hahahaha
    Friend: then I did lor >.<
    Friend:
    I guess that worked X_X

    I'm flattered, he actually took my advice!

    me: Then?? What happened during lunch?
    Friend: wah liew, then I shy like mad lar
    me: Isit!!! hahahaha! you will shy ah
    Friend: Don't know how to talk sia
    Friend: Then she more shy than me sia
    me: HAHAHA
    Friend: The first time we ate lunch together, both damn stressed
    me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
    Friend: She kept looking at her bowl, then I don't know where to look, don't dare to look at her. Wah liew, stress until I sweat

    They sounded so cute that I was giggling like crazy on my side of the computer.

    How about yours? For the guys, did you ask her to be your girlfriend or was it a silent, mutual consensual kind of thing? Or if you're a girl, were you the one who asked your boyfriend to be your boyfriend?

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    Thursday, January 10, 2008

    X-winds rehearsal

    Yiang Shan, my XMSB percussion junior and current X-Winds percussionist, messaged me today,

    Tomorrow band practice at 7! Please don't pang seh me (already)...

    I haven't been to practice ever since they started rehearsal again back in November 2007. Didn't know she still obediently goes back every week. Heh. Ok, X-winds percussionists who read this blog, should we all go back for rehearsal tomorrow and keep her company?

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    Ping.sg outing at Finalmente

    No photos yet. Will update when I get my hands on them from Claudia.

    At finalemente today, the most asked question:

    How big is the pizza?

    Posed to me at least 4 times.

    It was a nice dinner with some pingsters - Eatyourmath, NTT, Chillycraps, DK, Claudia, Daphnemaia, Sylvdoanx, ironicgamer, adamzhang and his 2 korean friends. Adrian could not make it in the end and Uzyn fell sick so could not turn up. Haven't met the pingsters for quite a while and it was nice being around them again. Am glad they really liked the pizzas too. (And relieved because DK took 2 buses and a train to get there and commented that the food had better be worth it. I don't want a black eye). We practically went through the entire pizza menu because we had 12 mouths to feed.

    If you haven't been to finalmente yet, you should. Every one of the pingsters there gave the pizzas a thumbs-up, especially the 5-cheese pizza, simply fantastic, a must-try. They just jacked up their prices a little but it is still very affordable and considered cheap for such good pizzas. We had at least 10 pizzas in total and only paid $16.50 each. Individual pizzas range from $8 to approximately $25.

    Adamzhang tried one of the desserts and said that it was really good. Desserts are at $6 per piece/slice.

    Looking forward to the next ping.sg outing.

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    The Recycling Bean

    I just created "The Recycling Bean"!

    Inspiration drawn from Jing Hong's MSN nick and the "Bring Your Own Bag" scheme. I drew this from scratch using Microsoft Paint because I have no other drawing software and it turned out quite alright anyway.

    I'll be incorporating this into my sidebar to show that I support recycling. It's also damn cute can! If you want to use this "bean" to spread the word of recycling, please go ahead and do so. Any suggestions on improving The Recycling Bean's look is welcome (because I quite suck at design).

    Oh, and would the name "The Recycle Bean" or "The Recycling Bean" be better? Or would there be no difference? Or would you suggest any other name?

    Even better, create your own if you want to!

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