Saturday, March 31, 2007

Pierced ears

He once told me that he doesn't like girls with pierced ears. Maybe it's changed now, but probably not. It doesn't matter anyway, just that the thought popped up into my mind when I considered getting a second ear piercing. It actually made me hesitate. Then I thought, why let a memory affect my life and my decisions? Nothing is going to happen, things are not going back to how they were, things are not going to change.

I learnt that some things in life even if you want to, you can't just let go like that. Some things cut for a long time. We just live with it. And maybe wait for it to fade away.

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New phone - N73 Music Edition

My family minus my brother all went to Hello! Singtel today. Initially with an intention to get a Samsung 3G phone, I ended up with Nokia's N73 Music Edition. I don't buy phones that are far too expensive and this one originally costs a whooping $498. After my trade-in and a change of plans, I got the phone for $263. Ok, so my father got it for me. Lucky me. A bit heartache but it's a real beauty with a huge capacity (somewhere in the place of thousands-MB), WIFI, MP3, 3.2 Megapixels camera, and er, a range of other functions I have not yet figured out. =D I just spotted an entire range of programs in the phone that I can find in the computer. Stuff like Adobe Reader.

I thought it was a bit of a pity for such a phone to land into my hands because I'm a bit of a technology-idiot. I don't keep up with news of latest phones with its newest functions, don't exactly know what GPRS do, have not used MMS before, didn't know what is WIFI, have an extremely limited collection of MP3 (not to mention I have not MP3 player) and I don't take photos or videos very often. And I'm considered the most tech-savvy in my house. Oh well, time to learn. I read manuals pretty well.

The first thing CW said when I told him yes my phone is camera and video-enabled, is

Take videos!

He did not mean videos of my surroundings.

Kind of miss my old phone though. Some of the messages inside could not be brought over so they are forever gone. Some stuff just cannot be replaced.

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Meditation

From Wulfe's blog,

Paraphrased from a National Geographic documentary, "Light at the Edge of the World" about Buddhism in Tibet. Here specifically talking about meditation.

"Meditating is about being still. And suddenly you realise that a whole lot of thoughts rush into your mind. Thoughts of the past, thoughts of the future... just everything except what is happening at the moment.

But these thoughts did not just come into your mind because it has become still, they have always been there all the time; below the surface. It is when you have become still that you finally notice them.

The mind is like a butterfly. It flits onto a flower, stays a moment and then goes away again. Nobody really knows why. Bring it back gently again. Control it.

But don't think that controlling your mind means a loss of freedom. Imagine a sailor on the sea. If he was just drifting along with the current, would you call that freedom? Only when he takes control of the helm and directs the boat, can he go where he wants. That then, is freedom."

At another part of the program, this was said:

"Imagine the mind as a calm lake and thoughts as the buffeting wind that whips up the waves. Control your thoughts, and still the lake. Be calm"

At the end he asks,

We are so proud of our science and our education; but for all we have learnt, we do not know more than people who live in the mountains. Why do we confuse knowledge with wisdom? I wonder.
Is knowledge equals to wisdom? What is wisdom without knowledge, though? What is knowledge? What is wisdom?
If you have a First class honours degree, a PhD, a Masters, do you really think you are wise? Do you know the meaning of life outside academia and work?

Nothing much, just thinking about stuff.

Wonder how meditation is like.

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Friday, March 30, 2007

Singapore National Barista Championship 2007

This is for coffee lovers. Actually not necessarily for coffee lovers either.

If you've read The Sunday Times last week, you would know that there would be a Singapore National Barista Championship 2007. It started yesterday and will last until tomorrow 2pm.

Date: 29 - 31 March 2007
Time: 9.00am - 5.00pm (29 & 30 March); 10.00am to 2.00pm (31 March)
Venue: Suntec Convention Centre Room 208 & 209
Admission: FREE

Think cousin would like to take a look?

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Last night - Olivia

Olivia last night, back after a trip to the mall with my father,

olivia: (shouting through the door grills to me) I bought a book with keys leh!
me: is it? Why got keys?
olivia: You know I was so scared you will scold me.
me: of course lah, buy for what? No need what.

Am I so scary?

Hold your thoughts on she being cute. Last night at 10.30pm, she still hasn't finished her maths homework although she had an entire afternoon to deal with it. She came to my room and sat at my table with me teaching her. Within a while, she was fidgeting, sighing and tsk-ing. It was really irritating but I didn't scream at her, just patiently waited for her to answer my question. Somehow along the way she flared up and went off.

"Too tired," she said. She laid down on the bed while I kept bombarding her with comments like "Tomorrow go to school let teacher scold nevermind, hor!" and "Tomorrow remember to copy from your friend ah!" (my mom hasuntil she couldn't take it anymore, took her homework and went over to my grandmother's place to do. But because my uncle and the TV is there, she couldn't really do anything. Distraction, you see. I went over and told her to come back and do but did not insist, just stated it then left. No point insisting because she herself knows who is right.

Some time later she came into my room sat there and said "nobody teach me", so after I have rebutted her a bit, I went on to teach her. After a while she gets fidgeting again then made a huge tsking noise, snatched her paper off the table and went out of the room where she threw a temper and lost her eraser - which was found eventually in my room. After cooling down her temper for a bit with Ah Bear and a bit of teaching on the bed, she was obviously too tired to think. A bit pissed but knowing that it wasn't any use, I took her paper and told her to tell her teacher that she could not finish her work on time and to ask for another day. She called mummy and mum said the same thing as me too, only that mum will tell the teacher she couldn't finish her work. Spoilt brat, she.

Anybody say she's cute again? Her temper is growing increasingly fiery the older she grows. It reminded me of one person - myself. I had a terrible temper when I was young. Really bad. The kind where I'll kick the metal gate, throw things at it in anger, scream, slam doors, lock myself in the room etc. Actually this temper extended all the way into adolescence but is not so bad now.

NO, she's NOT cute when she flares up. I don't think you'll tell other people your kid is cute when he/she (I know somebody who'd prefer the term "it") flares up in the future.

She's bold though, and what people would say with a high EQ. I, on the other hand, do not have that. My EQ must be extremely low and which falls with age. Now I'm actually afraid of coming into contact with people. Mum and I were saying that she wouldn't have trouble surviving in the world next time. Linus

Maybe I should just bring a security blanket along with me to work next time.

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Thursday, March 29, 2007

no post today

Irritating virus. Sorry, no post for today. Can't blog with internet access dying out on me 1 minute later.

wait, this is a post.

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Quoted

It's when I reach out and realize that there is nothing between the two of us. As if we are on different frequencies, in two different but parallel worlds. There is nothing to be built, nothing that can be built. No possibilities.

It is like the man in The Beautiful Mind.
The people most important to you and the things you thought you had, they don't exist. Everything is in your mind.

Do you see why I cry?
Because it was never there and it will never be.
It's empty. I'm grasping at nothing.

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Theatreidols Finals 2007

Remember this Theatreidol thing I blogged about not too long ago?

On Monday I went to watch it with a friend. Benison couldn't make it at the last minute, but luckily YZ could, so we met at Esplanade. She looked kind of formal in that office wear, a bit weird because I was in uh not-so-nice wear.
Anyway the show was marvellous. I haven't really been to plays before, not to say any dramatized readings. The first time I watched a play was in my seconday school days when we watched Macbeth at Victoria Theatre. Not much of an impression. But this, even the dramatized readings itself, were fantastic! I'm glad I didn't give it a miss and I hope YZ enjoyed it as much.

Chong Tze Chien's On Sundays the Kites Come Out to Play is plain funny, quite down-to-earth with a twist within it. It started with a house party/baby shower with some close friends which looked pretty good at first, until the baby said his first word - fuck. Then things went downwards from there. Various themes were explored, like families (a different sort), love, marriage, homosexuality. Things ended nicely in the end and since things started because of the baby's first word, of course it had to end with the baby's first word.

Hitting (on) Women by Ovidia Yu, however, was vastly different. Dark, it was unlike the other play. What I really really liked about this play was the way things were intricately woven together. You start off not knowing anything, then they feed you parts of the story and you form an opinion. You initially think that the play is about lesbianism and a woman's story about it, then all of a sudden with the woman's single line, it hits you that it's all about abuse. A lover's physical abuse, sexual abuse and emotional abuse. I thought this play was really awesome.

During the SMS voting, YZ went with On Sundays the Kites Come Out to Play while I was very undecided. Each play was so good, interesting, funny, sad all at once and so very different that I couldn't decide. At that time I voted the same as YZ, but after a couple of days of consideration, I think I prefer Ovidia Yu's play, by a slight margin.

The voting results for each play, however, were far from differing by a slight margin. Odivia Yu's Hitting (on) Women won with a percentage of 60+%, close to 70% of votes. So I guess the veteran won. The play will be given a full staging by Action Theatre.

So after the exciting night ended 2.5 hours later at 10.30pm (longer than a normal concert), both of us headed home. Hope YZ coped well with barely 5 hours of sleep before getting up for work. And thanks for accompanying me!
Benison: Tsk tsk! =P just kidding!

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Conversation

Last night while watching a chinese travel show with my sister,

olivia: that man who owns the house pour so little wine for himself,
right!
me: (absentmindedly) yar
.
.
.
me: uh, olivia, the owner of the house is dead leh.
olivia: (slightly surprised) huh? is it?
me: yar, that one is the tour guide! You thought is the owner is it?
olivia: yar... (loses interest and go back to the show)


YZ says she likes entries about Olivia.

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

sorry - virus

SORRY

Can't blog today. Virus in computer shuts down my internet connection after a few minutes. Will blog tomorrow from school. So much to update!

Sorry again!

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Monday, March 26, 2007

Halved

Seeing again. It was okay though there were some things I really miss.

Can't talk, can't look, can't listen.

Why?

Because I

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Sunday, March 25, 2007

Duck-thigh rice, please

Cousin YY standing in front of a chicken rice stall,

uncle: 小姐,你要吃什么?(miss, what do you want?)
cousinYY: uh, 一盘鸭腿饭。(uh, a plate of duck-thigh rice)

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Game - Spot the Difference

Gotten off Currytan.

This is an addictive game of the classic 'Spot the Difference' between two pictures, only that the pictures are moving, inverted and mirror-images of each other, making things a whole lot more difficult and interesting. Each level is named a different colour and I think the highest level is Black. As you advance to each level, you get a magic spot which you can employ to help you solve the pictures immediately. However, each time you use it the maximum you'll get for that task is a Brown, which is the equivalent of a Bronze. Also, new games might be introduced at each level.

Enjoy!
Spot the Difference

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Saturday, March 24, 2007

Oh, I have a tracker...?

me: I thought you have a tracker on your blog?
cousin: don't have lah, no tracker
me: eh.. I saw a tracker before on your blog
me: *cuts and pastes her tracker URL*
cousin: oh... I didn't know I have it...
.
.
.
me: I think your friend put it in for you
cousin: oh
cousin: I think I put it in de
cousin: without knowing what it is
cousin: -_-"

I'm not sure whether to laugh or be exasperated.

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Insistence

Friends, friends, friends! Pearlin, Liu Yin and whoever knows YZ!

Haha, this sounds like one of those people selling newspapers.

To put a face to the name, YZ is the 'dao'-looking girl in the last second picture under "Blogs" on my sidebar. =P I also happen to think that she writes quite well with a real talent for music but that's beside the point.

This guy has been going after her for quite some time now. Two months after she rejected him, he initiated conversation with her again and, guess what, he's still interested in her! Think she's irritated with him already, but I think it's nice that there are guys who are actually brave and thick-skinned enough to tell a girl that he still likes her. And it's kind of sweet.

but ..i like u thats y i approach u tat day

The conversation's kind of amusing because he directly asks if she's dating anybody else, then asks if she's waiting for anybody, then asks her out for a movie, got rejected but asks her out again anyway, tell her he likes her, then appeals for her to give him a chance and finally ends off with an upset sounding "nevermind".
What's really amusing me is that throughout the conversation, YZ was telling him that he is still young and there are a lot of other people out there and there is bound to be somebody out there for him.

Eh, YZ, you really sound very old like that you know.

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Video - The Happiest Monster



Link

Well, the monsters sure have a happy ending.

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Perhaps Love - J Howl

Once, long ago...

01. J Howl - Perhaps Love

Link

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Friday, March 23, 2007

Durians

Well, this is new. A guy selling durians just came to my door and asked if I'd like to buy some durians. Unfortunately, I was busy playing tamagotchi so wasn't really paying him much attention, only said no, gave a wide smile and he left shortly.
Don't know if you've had people selling durians all the way to your doorstep before but this is certainly new for me.

Kind of sad, isn't it? Last time durians used to be so popular, something like a luxury commodity that is only to be enjoyed during a certain time of the year. I think durian vendors then didn't need to source for customers because customers flocked to them. Nowadays though, I see durians everywhere so often that I hardly pay them any attention anymore. It isn't that I don't like durians, I really love them, but just not as much. Too much of a good thing, perhaps? Poor durian vendors have to search for customers now. There's a durian stall near my house where they open till quite late, trying to sell off the remaining durians that they have. My father once bought 10+ packets from him for $8. Not top quality durians, but it's still considered very cheap.

Is it possible that next time no more such durian stalls?? NO!! Ok everybody, go buy durians now!

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企鹅的笑话 - A Penguin Joke

有一位记者去了南极,想访问企鹅。他到了那,看见了一群九只企鹅就上前访问第一只。
“不好意思,请问你们平时每天会做些什么?"
企鹅回答:“吃饭,睡觉,打滚滚。”
记者问第二只企鹅:“不好意思,请问你平时每天会做些什么?"
第二只企鹅回答:“吃饭,睡觉,打滚滚。”
记者又问第三只企鹅:“请问你平时每天会做些什么?"
企鹅也同样回答:“吃饭,睡觉,打滚滚。”

记者一直问下去,最后到第九只企鹅。“你好,请问你平时每天会做些什么?"
企鹅哭了起来,记者吓呆了。他慌张地问:“我。。。我做错了什么?!”
企鹅哭着说:“我就是滚滚。”

A reporter wanted to interview penguins, so he went down to the South pole. When he reached the place, he saw a group of 9 penguins and started to interview them.
He asked the first penguin, "May I know what do you usually do everyday?"
The penguin replied, "Eat, sleep, roll around." (Chinese translation: “打滚滚”means to roll around. Literally though, the first word 打 is to hit, the subsequent two words 滚滚 means to roll.)
The reporter then asked the second penguin, "May I know what do you usually do everyday?"
The second penguin replied, "Eat, sleep, roll around."
He asked the third penguin, "May I know what do you usually do everyday?"
The third penguin also replied, "Eat, sleep, roll around."

And so the reporter kept on asking until he finally reached the last penguin. "Hi, may I know what do you usually do everyday?"
However, the penguin started crying. Surprised and at a lost as to what to do, the reporter asked, "Wh.. what did I do wrong?!"
The penguin said, "I am 滚滚。"

Note: 滚滚 is the name of this ninth penguin. Hope you get the joke!

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Video - Mitch Hedburg

Mitch Hedburg is an American stand-up comedian with a bad case of stage-fright. He also appeared in several TV shows as well as movies, was popular and making a name for himself. However in 2005, he died from an overdose of drugs.


Link

Mitch Hedburg's official site

Video courtesy of Benison =)

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Theatre Idols 2007 Finals

Theatre Idols 2007 finals is this coming Monday, brought to you by Action Theatre.


2 plays, Hitting (on) Women by Ovidia Yu and On Sundays the Kites Come Out to Play by Chong Tze Chien will be given a dramatized reading on 26th March 2007, Monday, 8pm at Esplanade Concert Hall. There, the audience will be able to vote via SMS the play they want to see a full staging. It's free admission but you'll have to get tickets by emailing info@action.org.sg your name, your contact number & no. of ticket(s) you require. Note that there is a maximum of 4 tickets per person. Schools and tertiary institutions may request up to 50 tickets to Theatre Idols Finals for your students - subject to availability and on a first come, first served basis. There are adult themes involved so it is only for 16 years old and above. For more details read here.

Here are a bit more details about the plays you'll hear:


So it's a dramatized reading this coming Monday at Esplanade and I'm going to listen. Anybody interested to go too?

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The Game of Love - by Michelle Branch

Carlos Santana fea...


Link

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

child-like

Eerily silent.
Complete silence.
Not a single word.

Like a child trying to gain the attention and affection of her parents.

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Question; no longer there

Father to me after I asked on the phone if the maid has cooked dinner,

Why? Your boyfriend bringing you out to eat ah?

For once I wish some guy would hit on me, face-to-face.
*looks in mirror* Very unlikely it would happen. Sigh.

---------------------------------
YZ messaged me just now asking if I'll be attending AJCSB's concert. Concert? What concert? I asked, Can give me the details? Later on I got to know through Jeremy that there's supposed to be an alumni outing on that day too. Alumni outing? I didn't even know that there's a concert, nevermind the outing.

Frankly, I'm a bit not happy about it because I was not informed about anything at all, as if I'm not even in the alumni, not part of the band. YZ said that it might be because they have not announced it to everybody yet and she might be very true. That thought did cross my mind. Actually even if there were no outing I wouldn't have gone to watch the concert. Even if they asked if I want to go for the outing, I wouldn't want to go. For a long time now, my heart is already not with AJ band. Deep down inside I'd already known it but I was not willing to admit it. Today, I finally admitted to the fact and I felt quite relieved.

I still feel something for the percussion section of the bands (Secondary and JC) that I were in and feel something for my secondary school band and alumni band. However I don't think I could have bothered as much what happened to my JC band as to the other two bands. Do note that being attached to the percussion section says nothing about how I feel about the band. Somehow me and them are in two different dimensions and it wouldn't matter one bit whether or not I bother. Of course there are some people there whom I really respect and like, but for the others, how they treat me is how I treat them - invisible. It isn't something that's only now, it's something that has already been happening since JC, only that with time, people just drift further apart.

My heart is no longer there. Not too long ago I was still willing to devote my heart, but they killed it.

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black-faced tamagotchi

My father is taking care of my sister's Tamagotchi.

Looking at the current evolved state, he asked me,

为何它的脸黑黑的?刚睡醒啊?
(why is the face black? Is it because it just woke up?)

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World day of sleep, my head

Today is apparently the World Day of Sleep.

World Day of Sleep, my head! I overslept two hours and now am at home still, on the internet! Looks like I'm going to have to miss lecture.

If I can, I'll write a short post in the near future about sleep in general and how it helps us.

And why is dk responding to my twitter through his twitter?!
Just asked him and this time round it's utter coincidence, not like what I did yesterday. Yes, yesterday's potato chip twitter was a response to his. Still feel like having some chips.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Parental love control

I studied late in school today because I have a test on Thursday and it is absolutely useless to study at home because of the numerous distractions. Now it seems as if I can't study late in school either because firstly, there are other distractions and secondly, my parents don't like it.

I SMSed my mother at about 5pm to tell her that I'll be home late and I'll be in school. At 8.30pm my father called to ask where am I and why am I not home. At 10pm, my mother SMSed to ask what time am I coming home. I told her about 11.30pm and that I'm already waiting for the bus. She ask why don't I take the train, it's faster. I told her I don't want to but didn't tell her the reason. At that point I was starting to get frustrated. 11.19pm, I reached the bus interchange. Mum sent another SMS, asking me to tell her when I'm about to reach so that my father can go down and wait for me because it's very late already. Tired from the ride and now quite frustrated, I chose to ignore her message. My home is 7 minutes walk away. 5 minutes later she called me. The moment I picked it up, I said I'm downstairs and will be going up soon, then I hung up. Told myself that when I go up I will be calm and won't say a lot. Once I speak, I'll just flare up. I don't want to quarrel because I know they're just concerned about their daughter.

On one hand, I know how they feel, one the other hand I'm frustrated with all these. Although I don't have a kid, my sister is close enough to that. When she grows up and comes home late, I think I'll worry too. Even now, if she comes home late or goes somewhere without informing, it's quite worrying. It's the same thing, just worry and concern. I think they're worried because I'm probably the most vulnerable of the 3 kids. My brother's a guy (duh!), so there isn't much worry about him. My sister though young is quite intelligent and street-wise. I'm quite easy to cheat and play around with. I will hardly turn down a person's request, even if it's a stranger because I don't know if the person truly needs help or has ulterior motives or not. I'm a female, the oldest (read: first child) so I guess they're bound to feel anxious about me. Even among my friends I'm kind of like the kid.

It isn't that I don't appreciate their concern - I really do. I'm glad I still have my parents with me and at least they care about me. But when is it really too much? When is it enough? 11.30pm in my opinion isn't very late. MZ said that they are having too tight a grip on me. I am reminded of YZ, my junior. I feel like I see myself in her. Sometimes I feel quite choked. I can't go to clubs, I can't go to pubs, I can't exactly drink, I can't go out until too late (11pm is late), they're not happy if I stay overnight at a chalet or at friend's house. My friends once told me to lie to them about the timing I'm going home - tell them 1am, go home 2am, but I don't like lying to them. I know they trust me so I should not lie to them, but...

Maybe just a while more. A while more before they'll relax a bit more. I was thinking about it and wondering if it is because I'm nearing 21, so they're taking their last chance at controlling me. Odd view, huh?

So what should I do or think? Am I wrong to feel like this? Should I just come home earlier next time?

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e for extremetracking...

You know you have been using the internet and visiting blogs a bit too often when you look at an alphabet on your handphone's keypad, thinking whose name starts with that and instead be reminded of a commonly typed URL.

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Dangerous photos

Picasa is good for organizing photos, though it takes some getting used to. I haven't touched my Picasa for quite some time now - close to a year. Yesterday, this software was updating my photos like crazy. =)
Despite its goodness, there is something bad about Picasa. You know what it is?

It shows all your photos clearly on the screen - even those that you'd rather it not be seen by others. You get it.
Of course you can click to get to some other picture folders quickly, but sometimes it's the scrolling down while searching for pictures that is feared, especially when your family members are just beside you. So with a bit of sadness (just a tiny bit), I deleted one very dangerous photo. Thus, I think I'm relatively safe now.

I just hope they don't find out the other bunch of photos I have.

What? You think I can bear to delete everything?!

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Monday, March 19, 2007

Wrong time

It is the completely wrong time of the month to read something like this and then having your imagination go wild. My period is not too far off, you know! Argh!

Oh wait. I am like that every other day of the month. Oh well...

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Conversations

Shuxuan: Eh, wait... So you're a year 2? I thought you're a year 1!
me: Yar, year 2. Haha, I know I have a face that's two years younger than my age, haha...
Shuxuan: Yar!

I thought I improved already and look closer to my age. Just that day a family friend asked if I have already graduated. I thought she asked if I've graduated from university, but she looked so surprised when I said I'm studying at NUS that I realize she meant either graduation from JC or Polytechnic.

They really don't want to know the dirty thoughts behind this innocent-looking face.
-------------------------

Me: Wah, not bad, you know how to listen to the notes and tell which is which!
(I suspect she's pitch-perfect)
Olivia: *giggles happily and runs away*

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Visual neglect

Visual neglect occurs when one side of the parietal lobe in the brain is damaged, leading the person to only perceive areas opposite to the damaged parietal lobe. It does not necessarily mean that the whole left visual field cannot be seen if the right parietal lobe is damaged or vice-versa because both lobes receive information from both eyes. If a patient is asked to draw what he/she sees, he/she is likely to draw the below:

Images taken from here

A man with visual neglect may shave only one side of his face, encounter objects which suddenly appear and so on. He is usually able to identify the half-drawn image, i.e name the image, but simply cannot draw the whole image nor imagine the other side.

Visual Neglect - Visual Imperception

Cerebral injury from stroke or other trauma may cause visual imperception also called visual neglect, hemispatial agnosia, visual/spatial neglect, and hemi-imperception. It is a passive unconscious decreased awareness of part of the field of view or other stimuli to one side of the body. It usually occurs with a visual field defect, but may occur without loss of field.

A person without visual imperception, but with a visual field loss would still be aware of the area of loss and be more likely to make compensations. A person with both visual field loss and visual imperception would unconsciously neglect the area of the field loss and thus be less likely to compensate for the defect.

Damage to the right side of the brain may cause both visual field loss and visual imperception to the left side. Right brain injury neglect is usually more severe than left brain injury neglect. The most common site for visual imperception is the parietal lobe, but damage to frontal lobe and even the deeper structure (thalamus and basal ganglia) may cause visual imperception.

The treatment of visual imperception is still limited. It begins with teaching the patient to be aware of the neglected side often through occupational therapy. If the patient has a visual field defect, visual field awareness prism may be beneficial, followed by intense occupational therapy.
Extract retrieved here

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Song - I wish you love

I Wish You Love.mp...


Heard here, gotten here.

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

Amplitude

Attended Amplitude just now at UCC, NUS. Amplitude is a performance by choir and a cappella groups of NUS Halls of Residence as well as NUS Choir and Resonance (a cappella). It is part of the Exxonmobil Campus Concerts as well as the NUS Arts Festival 2007.

I'm crazy, right? Go back to school on a Sunday just to watch some performance. I was actually undecided between going back to school or staying at home to watch Phantom of the Opera (a classic!) and Ugly Betty. Due to certain circumstances, I ended up going to school. Can't say that I'm glad I went because although most of the performance was pretty alright, there were some sections that really spoilt the whole experience. Not to mention that I was seated beside a girl who would shake her head so hard I could feel her through the chair and who just shook her head even harder when she clapped. In fact, her head was twisting about when she was clapping and it was kind of scary. I was also, for a short period of time, seated in front of a guy who was slapping out the beat on his thigh.

The performance itself was alright, not excellent but passable. I was surprised there were so many a capella groups in school. There are some real talents in there. There was this girl in Sheares Hall choir who look really sweet and neat and somehow I traced a really marvellous voice to her. Really liked watching her and would have liked to listen to her sing solo.

On the other hand, Sheares Aca's performance of "This Love" by Maroon 5 started out nice but at the end the girl was singing so loudly into the mike, I physically shrank into the seat and stuck my fingers into my ears.

Another group, a choir, sang songs from Les Miserables. It started out interesting with obviously strong and loud voices as well as interesting movements. But the soundtrack was far too loud, so loud that I could hardly hear them and almost gave me a headache. It was utterly horrible, not really because of the headache but because it was obviously too freaking loud for the choir. I was so pissed off with that and with the fact that somehow nobody in charge was noticing it, that I was on the verge of asking the usher to please inform whoever was at the sound controls to lower down the freaking volume. Or I'd walk out there and then. I'm fired up now even just thinking about it. Anyway the costumes for this group were too excessive because there were not a lot of moving around or acting. Would have preferred more acting and real soloists instead of having one person stand in the spotlight yet having everybody sing the part. For goodness sake, you're singing a well-known musical! Do it well or don't do it at all! I was just praying for it to end quickly.

Sorry. I realize I might be a bit too worked up, but all these really gets on my nerves. Anyway those 2 performances were the ones I had the worst impressions of. There were others, but I'll just skip over them. Of course there were also very good ones like Resonance and others whose hall names I can't remember. =P

There was also guest a capella group Regu A, one of Indokustik winning groups. I don't know about them, but they're really very good and I enjoyed it a lot. Of course this is the part when the girl beside me started her clap-hand-shake-head ritual.

Glad that Regu A ended the night. Cheered me up considerably.

Here's "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence. This song was performed by the guys of Sheares Aca and that particular performance was quite good.



Link

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Song - Jessie Paints a Picture



Link

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Saturday, March 17, 2007

PSIConnection; life

PSIConnection, Psychology Career Talk today. I'm one of the aisle ushers. It was interesting and I learned a lot of stuff. By the way, JY, if you want to know about the career of a psychologist in the police force can just ask me out, though I think you'd be more interested in work as a police officer or CNB officer. =) I have a few ideas about how it is, and will tell you what I know.

Two of my cousins attended the talk today. One is from James Cook University (JCU) and the other is pursuing an Honours degree in NUS. 3 cousins, 3 psychology students in the same room. Only left one more psychology-student-cousin, don't know doing what at home. =P

Talked to a friend of mine during the break today. I shan't divulge much, just that I'm shocked and surprised, but really admire him for his courage to have carried on so far. His pain I can never understand but I wish that he'll continue to have the courage to live on bravely. Music is his escapade and I sincerely hope it will help him heal.

So much in a life. What you become is shaped by what you go through, but also by your point of view and how you deal with things. So much to say but don't know how to say it. I'm feeling so much inside, but in the end it really doesn't matter except to wish him well.

Extremely tired, but how can this tiredness compare to that which he feels? My tiredness is a physical one, easily cured of by sleep. His is a mental exhaustion which can only be cured of with time.

How little I know.

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NUSSO's Concert - Sturm and Drum

Apologies in advance. This is going to be a long post because it's about a concert I've attended and I tend to talk a lot when it comes to that. =) If you like, you can just skip this whole section, scroll down to the end of this post and read the last few lines.

Last night I attended NUS Symphony Orchestra's Sturm and Drum, part of NUS Arts Festival 2007, at the University Cultural Centre. It's been only the 3rd or 4th time that I entered the concert hall within UCC. First time when I was still in JC, the other times were vague.

I like concert halls and the smells that come with it. Sometimes carpeted floors, sometimes polished wood. Cushioned, folded seats, dimmed lights, the orchestra on stage. It brings back memories and I realize that it has been a long time since I last attended a proper, paid concert lasting more than 45 minutes, excluding times when I was the performer.

I think UCC put up this structure on stage especially for orchestras or bands because the ceiling of the stage is very high with velvet hanging around the edges. The structure is like a wooden shelter, only much higher and much larger. The main portions of this "shelter" is the roof and the backing. It enables sound to be reflected off and up front instead of it getting lost and absorbed by the velvet and high ceiling. It reminded me of Nanyang Polytechnic's Auditorium where I've performed before with the Xinmin band. NYP Auditorium has this horribly high ceiling which absorbs so much sound that we sound really small on stage. We want the sound to reach the audience, not for the structure to fill its hunger.

Last night's concert was great. It was good to hear how an orchestra sounds like and how an orchestra concert is structured. It lasted very long, starting at 7.40pm lasting till close to 10pm. They played 5 pieces not including the encore piece. 2 of the pieces were played with a guest viola soloist, Anatoly Zelinsky. He's born in Russia but Ukrainian by origin and travels around quite a lot, playing in different orchestras and recitals. He's currently Principal Viola at Christchurch Symphony Orchestra in New Zealand.

I don't usually attend orchestra concerts because of my band background, so I'm not sure about the structure of an orchestra or how exactly it's supposed to sound. Nevertheless, last night's concert I enjoyed tremendously. It's been a long time since I've last enjoyed a concert. However on the overall I felt like something was missing, something that I should be feeling but which I wasn't.

Here's the list of pieces they played:

1) Russian Easter Festival Overture by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov

2) "Trauermusik" for Viola and Orchestra by Paul Hindemith

This piece is actually a funeral music Hindemith composed on the occasion of the unexpected death of King George V in London and performed a day after its completion. There are 4 movements to this piece. This piece is incredibly sad and mournful. I feel that this piece is something like a lone voice against the rest of the crowd, with the solo Viola being the former and the rest of the strings being the latter. All are upset, but... you know scenes from musicals where there are a lot of people in the background singing in harmony and there is one single person who sings loudly above the voice of all, representing truly and echoing how the others feel? Well that's how it feels to me.

3) Grand Sonata for Viola and Orchestra by Niccolo Paganini

Completely amazing piece, with sounds from the solo Viola that you wouldn't usually expect to hear in a concert. Makes you wonder if the soloist made a mistake or is it truly as written in the piece. By the way, the latter is true. Even a layman like me can tell it takes a lot of technique to play the solo Viola part. Even thinking about the sounds now, I'm still amazed.

4) Symphony No. 6 in F Major, Op 68, 'Pastoral Symphony' by Ludwig van Beethoven

This piece was composed simultaneously with Beethoven's more famous Fifth Symphony but was never quite as popular as it in the past. But now it's one of the central works of the symphonic repertoire. It's an interesting piece, portraying a a thunderstorm with rain, thunder and lightning, after which the storm eventually passes and there is a rainbow at the end, with what I feel is happiness and joy at the world after the rain and wonder at the storm. The program booklet says that the final movement represents "the shepherds' song of thanksgiving". Much as this piece is grand, I feel that some element of ferocity and much feelings are not portrayed enough to the audience.

5) Symphony No. 2 in D Major, Op 43 by Jean Sibelius

I don't remember much about this piece except that I didn't like the slow movement but found the transition okay and the fast part in the first section quite interesting.


If you've been reading this blog for a long time, you should know that I lost my ability to listen to concerts properly back in JC. If you've followed this blog from even further back, you should know that when I listen to music or attend concerts, I experience a lot of visual effects in my head. The string of notes, accents, dynamics, emotions, everything in my head were transformed into colours. Some vivid, others dark, some huge splashes, others are scattered spots and some come in long strands. These colours dance and mix in a way I found amazing. Best of all, nobody saw these colours, only I did.

Last night I didn't see any colours, which was not surprising because I haven't seen colours in my head for a long time.

I heard sounds mixing and matching instead. It wasn't clear and I was trying to figure out this new way in which my senses interpreted what came to me, but it was interesting.

Sometimes I think I try too hard to make sense of music so that I become so stressed out, I can't enjoy it anymore, and I think that to a certain extent it is right. Yet, I can't enjoy music without thinking and listening to it in detail. There's so much to be heard in a concert, so much details to pay attention to and so many things to put together that I used to wonder how can people fall asleep while listening or say that they prefer concerts where bands play pop music or theme songs from movies. It completely eludes me. Pop music and movie themes are plain. They have no complexity in them, no tact, no details etc etc. They are, in my opinion, completely boring. I hate it when we have to perform pop pieces or anything like that because I feel that it degrades the band and the meaning of a band concert. I shudder whenever we have to play one. I'm not sure - maybe it is because I grew up playing classical band pieces and am used to it. Now I better understand how it's like, what others really hear and why they will fall asleep (cos' I did too =P).

Oh and this guy in front of me nodded off halfway through the first section while another Caucasian guy had his head bowed throughout the entire concert. And I think I heard somebody snore once very loudly behind me.

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The Unfortunate


Link

This video reminds me of Elmer Fudd the hunter and Bugs Bunny, where the former is always trying to kill the latter but never succeeds.


Hmm, this also reminds me of Sylvester the cat and Tweety.

The unfortunate, indeed.

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Friday, March 16, 2007

Exciting term paper

@#@#$@$^%^^&($%#!!!!!!

My developmental psychology term paper is so exciting! I have less than 24 hours left to hand it up and effectively 3 hours (including lunch time and toilet time) left before I have to stop typing. It's so exciting that my hands went out of control and started typing utter rubbish.

Note to self: Test next week, please study and don't procrastinate.

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

Random - on MSN

Yesterday my friend MSN me with a one-liner "hey, you know that I have a gf?" Unfortunately, I was asleep then. Thought something bad had happened, like they broke up or something, so today I initiated conversation.

Stephanie says:
sorry, yesterday fell asleep

Stephanie says:
what's up with you and your girlfriend?

Stephanie says:
no I didn't know you had one

female friend says:
yup

Stephanie says:
still together?

female friend says:
yup

Stephanie says:
eh... orh
(I start to get suspicious)

Stephanie says:
so that's all you wanted to tell me?

female friend says:
ya

Chey.

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Not liking it

It hurts anyway. I don't like it when it hurts. But it gives me a sense of reality. Like things are how it should be - not pretty, not going right.

It hurts. I know why. I don't like it.

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Another musical instrument in the house

As I've mentioned before, my brother's learning the erhu from his school's Chinese Orchestra (CO). Today he brought home the higher pitched instrument of erhu, called gaohu or something, to practice. So just now I heard something squeaking in his room and quickly ran over to see what it was. Ended up sitting there and learning how to play it.

DK says that it's easier to play the erhu than the recorder but I still think that a string instrument is more difficult. However I can't compare anything this time round because I tried out the gaohu. My brother says that the gaohu is usually for more professional players and it's apparently more difficult to play. No, my brother isn't very professional - he's only started learning 2 days ago, but he brought this home instead of the erhu because his the CO room was closed or something. =)

After a while of playing I can tell that there are a lot of skills to playing it, not just a simple affair of pressing and pulling bow. It's just like any other musical instrument, needs practice and more practice to perfect. But it is very fun, I like. =) I think I'll take up learning erhu/gaohu /whatever-hu. He was asking me what letter is "do, re, mi". First time he ever asked me anything related to music. I suspect he might have a little bit of musical talent in him after watching him play just now although he still can't hold the recorder properly. At least he can tell when the note's out of tune and he can actually play for a while without squeaking.

He's squeaking away in the next room right now, together with my little sister.

I guess this answers my question, huh? =)

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Need

I need to sing and I need a recording device.

(link)

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Presentation

The Abnormal Psychology presentation was damn screwed up. One of the worse I'd ever done and I'm disappointed.

Awfully tired.

However, now I know there's one person I'd really like to work with and that's one of this guy in my class. His presentation rock and his standard of work is really quite high. If there's another chance I'm in the same tutorial class as him again and there's another group project, I'd really like to work with him. But that's if. Oh and he's really sweet, accompanied me to return the speakers after the presentation. In the meantime, there's much to be learned from everything, everyone and every event. Successful or not, at least there's something learned.

Very tired now. Have to work on term paper. Will talk more tomorrow.

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?!

Brother told me,

Eh, I joined CO (Chinese Orchestra) leh.

My eyebrows went up. You can tell from the title of this post what I'm feeling. He's learning the erhu. This is the boy who can't even hold his recorder properly.

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Monday, March 12, 2007

Sleeping; funny things

Sometimes sleeping on the bus is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

This morning on the way to school my stomach felt weird and I wanted to puke for no reason. For the first part of the ride I was reading my book but some time later I could not continue anymore. The moment I shut the book, my body started alternating between hot and cold. I could feel the sensation of the heat from my seat and the coolness from the air-con above and it was not making me feel good. At some point I wonder if I should get off the bus halfway because I thought I was really going to vomit there and then. Kept on praying that I won't spew my insides out. When a girl plopped down into the empty seat beside me thus blocking my way out, I started to panic slightly. But knowing that if I panic, I'll start thinking of vomiting and that might really bring it about, I told myself to cool down and breathe.

It felt like motion sickness. The odd thing is I've never had it until the last couple of years. I knew what I had to do. I needed to sleep right there and then and I need to fall asleep fast. Sleep didn't help. When I close my eyes everything was magnified 10-fold. Somehow I survived until the bus reached my stop.

On the way home just now I used sleep as an escape again. Gastric was so painful I could not sit straight. Spent the entire journey in semi-consciousness.

---------------------------
Today is a day of funny things.

I watched a mynah tilt its head as it surveys the drain the edge of which it is perched on. After a while I realize my head is tilted too and hurriedly straightened it again.

A girl was watching the fire extinguisher while busily eating something.

Another mynah was so intense on inspecting this tiny covered up drain along the corridor of AS1/AS6, it seemed genuinely surprised when my legs were inches away from its beak and skittered a slight distance away, sliding slightly on the smooth, tiled floor. Then it stood there and continued inspecting the drain.

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Photocopying genius

Only I can be so smart that I can screw up the photocopying machine with the press of one button by my very magic finger. Not to mention that it screwed up when half my copies were inside it still.
And only I can photocopy a document single-sided when I had previously printed the original as 2-sided so that I can save some paper.

Plus I'm still in school. At freaking 7pm. With a gastric pain.

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Vigorous typing

The person beside me at the computer lab seems to be very upset or fed-up. She's thumping so heavily on the keyboard that I fear she's going to destroy some of the keys. Every so often she hits the backspace key with such vigour, it's amusing yet scary at the same time. I've never thought typing could be so loud.

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Sunday, March 11, 2007

I don't like it when...

Troubled.

I don't like it when we have financial concerns or when my sister spends unnecessary money or indulges in luxury like the air-con every other night.
I don't like it when my mother work so hard after office hours just for that few hundred dollars.
I don't like it when she gets frustrated and then flares up at everybody.
I don't like it when we get frustrated at the maid and treat her not-as-decently-as-I'd-like, especially since now she's short-sighted and there are a lot of unhappiness with that and other issues.
I don't like it when my father splurges on not-so-necessary things when we need to save although I know he just wants the best for us (like, my computer screen is big enough, thank you, no need for a larger one.)
I don't like it when I have to spend more than $20 per week. Or more than $10 for that matter. Why do you think I'm trying to learn how to cook.
I don't like it when I look at the psychology internships at IMH and realize I have to pay for it. $4000. Ok, that's a kind of relief too. Frankly, I'm scared of working.
I don't like it when I realize I might have to give tuition a shot again.
I don't like it when they take away our arts canteen and put in place a relatively more expensive place, a.k.a Megabites, as well as other vendors which sell less food at a higher price. As if we arts students are rich. Blasted, always have to walk all the way over to Business or Engineering to eat. If the arts canteen is going to be air-conditioned, I'm going to hate it.

(My friend came to my concert that time and now he's having his. I know it's basic courtesy to go but I don't really feel like going. Am I holding the purse strings too tight?)

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Music - is it time to give it up?

When I first had contact with music, it was through piano. I was very young then, probably before I was even in primary school. Seriously, I suck at the piano. I took way longer than the other kids to read the notes (I still am) and it was demoralizing to see others advance so quickly. I can't remember if I liked going for music classes then. At that age it was classes in a huge group. I remember enjoying some portions of it, though, and I remember this concert we had to put up, a small dance section. I remember being nervous then. Even then I suck at dance. Haha.

Then I advanced to Grade 1 or 2 and from then on classes became smaller. I remember hating music lessons then. I dreaded going to classes because I was so slow at learning and reading notes compared to the others that my teacher would hit me and scold me. I remember that she would hit my back or my head whenever I play wrong notes. I don't think I told my mother than for reasons I cannot fathom. Maybe I thought that it was alright and it was supposed to be this way. I hated Sundays because that was when my lessons took place at Yamaha Music School. It's that school at Kovan, the one on the second level. Of course at that time it was called Hougang Central or Old Hougang Central or something.

Very soon after that I stopped lessons because of school. I was secretly relieved because now there was no need to be scared every weekend. Unfortunately under some circumstances I resumed lessons at Cristofori Music School at now-Hougang Central a couple of years later. That was for Grade 2, I think. I hated the lessons. It was on Saturdays. I can't convey the amount of fear and hatred I had. I'd tremble, feel extremely cold and want to shit before lessons and during it. The teacher hit my hand whenever I played something wrong. I remember liking playing the piano on my own but hating the lessons.

Last semester I was taking Physics. One of the physics tutor looked very familiar. I think she is the one who taught me piano so many years ago. If you'd like to know, I hate her. Because of the two female piano teachers I had who had no qualms about hitting me, I think I've got something against female piano teachers now.

I passed grade 2/3 and went on to the next grade. This time round I got a male piano teacher. He was a blessing to me. There was still fear when going for lessons but it was substantially lesser. He was so patient with me. Once, he fell asleep while I was figuring out the notes. =D When I passed grade 3, I decided to stop learning piano. It came as a relief to me but I was a bit upset to be leaving this teacher and felt like I had let him down a little.

Secondary school. Wanted to be in choir but didn't get selected. I went into band because I liked the uniform then. =P Blue and white military uniform. I didn't get in through the normal auditioning. In fact, I had no audition at all. The conductor then asked me what can I play and when she heard I can play the piano she dumped me into percussion. Just like that, it changed my life. I wasn't always happy in the section, as Pearlin should know, but it gave me great satisfaction. Somehow, although I had problems with my fingers at the piano, I coped marvelously well with drumsticks and mallets.

To feel the impact of stick on skin, adjusting the sticking to fit in, hearing the texture of sound produced, coordinating the arms, listening to others.

From there I fell in love with music, percussion and band. Friends should know the utter devotion I had to my CCA. Yizhen always recalled the concert when my batch graduated. She said I wanted to skip (or is it I skipped?) dinner just to practice my percussion ensemble part. I think they looked at it too seriously. =)

I brought this enthusiasm to JC.

And was greatly disappointed.

Everything was different. I didn't sense the urgency to improve one's skills, didn't sense the closeness we had in my secondary school band. I was still devoted but my skills just deteriorated. I could listen to the band but hear nothing, play the most emotional piece but feel nothing. Sometimes I regretted going to the JC and regretted joining the band. I lost so much.

NUS band. I went once for the tea session but didn't like what I saw or heard. Coupled with my declining enthusiasm, I decided not to join.

Pearlin invited me to join Studio Percussion Unit (SPU). Eager to get back what I lost, I agreed. Yizhen joined too. Yesterday she quit the group due to other commitments. My agreement's expiring in June and I'm hesitant about whether I should continue. What the group is heading towards is still blurry to me. To say what the group will be aiming for this year is one thing, to say how it will be 3 years from now is another. So far I don't like it there. The aims of the group are different fro mine though I've learnt a lot from them. The group's changing, but I'm uncertain.

I'm not ready to give up percussion or music completely. But yesterday Yizhen quit the group. Somehow things are changing. What do I do?

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Saturday, March 10, 2007

Ungirly thoughts

My period has already been over for a couple of days and I shouldn't be feeling this, but I do.

I feel extremely horny.

In fact I've been to the school's toilet, watched some not-so-innocent sites for a few consecutive days and have woken up from sleep with some not-so-innocent first thoughts.

This is not good. I'm supposed to be innocent, remember? Help? (help in the form of offering s** is NOT appreciated. I promise I'll jab your eyes out if you offer it)

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Fly me to the moon

Fly me to the Moon

by Frank Sinatra
by Utada Hikaru



by Julie London



Listen to it Bossanova style, by Olivia Ong in Girl Meets Bossa Nova.

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Friday, March 09, 2007

Sushi

I made sushi today.

Well, I tried to. First I tried to cook rice without the rice cooker because the rice cooker is over at my grandmother's place and our house don't have one. My father insisted I put too little water into the pot so I trusted him and put more water in.

While waiting, I realized I had no ingredients for the sushi. No cucumber, no right egg, have tuna but no mayonnaise and no salmon. Mother came back from work and she pointed out the other type of mayonnaise to me.

I decided to check on the rice.
It turned out to be porridge.

Now, you can't possibly make sushi with porridge, right? So I went over to my grandmother's place where the maid already had some rice cooking and took a bowl of rice then mixed in some of the sushi powder. Either the rice was cooked inappropriately or the sushi mixture an utter fake because it didn't taste right. The taste is slightly there but it just isn't right. Next time just buy the vinegar especially for this, might really taste better.

Boiled crabsticks and prepared the tuna.

I laid the sushi mat flat on the table top and placed the very-expensive-seaweed on top. Spread some rice on it, put the sliced crabsticks on top and added a little tuna. I started rolling the sushi.

The rice started falling out and getting all over the place. It looked as if half the sushi was on my hands. I ate the grains off my hands and continued rolling. I was starting to think that paying $1 for 2 pieces of sushi is very worth it. It didn't look too bad when I was done, though it was a little loose. Mother cut the thing into pieces for me. I called my brother and everybody to come try. Mother demonstrated how to roll a sushi for me. Even hers wasn't great but at least it was pretty tight and it looked neat, unlike mine which had rice grains on the outside of the sushi.

The rice ran out and I got my sister to get another bowl of rice for me. I rolled two more sushi rolls. When I'm done, there was rice all over the place. In total we rolled 4 sushi rolls and everything took 2 hours. Buying the same amount of sushi outside would take me about 10 minutes.

It's really not easy, making sushi, because there are a lot of skills involved. Paying the amount we do when we buy sushi is not only for the ingredients, it is also for the chef's skills. It's the same as when we pay to go to a concert, it's not only to listen to the music or the sounds, but we're also paying for the skills of the musician(s).

I'll still be making sushi at home though. I reckon it's a lot cheaper. I mean it will be when I stop spilling rice all over the place.

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To get 4.0

Overheard at school, two guys talking,

I calculated already. To get a 4.0 next semester (to graduate), I only need a 3.33...

Suddenly I felt very inferior.

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IT show; Psychology Career Talk; cheating

In case you don't know yet, the IT show 2007 is currently ongoing at Suntec City Exhibition Centre, on levels 3, 4 (halls 401 - 404) and 6 (601 - 603). It'll be there until 11th March 2007, which is this Sunday.

Please try to get out of there in one piece and in your original shape.

-----------------


The NUS Psychology Society (NUSPsyche) is organizing a career talk on 17th March 2007, Saturday. If you're are an aspiring psychologist and would like to learn more about the different careers in this field, do pop down for a look. Or go down and disturb me because I'm the aisle usher. Tickets are priced at $4 for NUSPsyche members and $6 for non-members. Tickets allow you in for all sessions from 9am to 4pm. The event is held at NUS, LT29. For enquiries, contact Wei Wei at 94232863 (NUS). For tickets, contact Jamie at 97412147 or jamiethong@nus.edu.sg

Schedule and Sessions:

9 - 9.30am Registration

9.30 - 10.45am Session 1

Ministry of Education
Singapore General Hospital/Clinical Neuropsychology

11am - 12.15pm Session 2

Singapore Prison Services
Research & Teaching

12.15 - 1pm LUNCH

1.15 - 2.30pm Session 3

Addictive Behaviour
Dyslexia Association of Singapore

2.45 - 4pm Session 4

Gleneagles Hospital/Clinical Counselling
Singapore Police Force

*Schedule subject to changes

Heh, cousin must be looking at the Singapore Police Force with interest. =) Go down take a look? Maybe can combine what you're studying now with where you want to work.

See the red circle at the top? That's LT29. Click image for larger version.


See the star in the middle of the picture? That's LT29. Click image for larger version.

Don't know route can ask me. I'll try not to let you get lost.
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Seriously, are NUS professors that dumb? It's ridiculous. Read here. Hope the person will get his grades.

On a side note, if it were you, you are to write a letter and you are very angry about this matter, would you let your emotions show in the letter? Or would it jeopardize your chances of getting what's yours?

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Screaming realization

Last night I screamed at my sister. Before I start telling my story, just a few other words. I think raising kids are really very tough. You need to have immense patience. If you have kids like me - very rude, insensitive and thinks I know all/best - then you need to be able to take a lot of shit, need to be extremely patient and strict at the same time. I think I'll be a very lousy parent.

So last night I screamed at my sister. My mother was out late and she called and asked me to prepare my sister's night contact lens. The hard lenses are those that you wear overnight and then the next day you don't have to wear spectacles. My mother gave me brief instructions on how to prepare the lenses and so I did it according to how she told me. Then Olivia came in and told me I'm doing it the wrong way, don't know what saline need to put where, must screw the bottle cap back on, say mummy don't wash like that one and basically implied that I don't know how to wash. I flared up, told her that she should thank me for washing her lens for her and if she knows how to, why don't she wash it herself. It soon escalated into me slamming my room door, opening the door, screamed at her and slammed it again. I said something along the lines of "your fucking lousy eyesight, spend fucking money on your fucking contact lens to maintain your fucking degree and then it still fucking increases. Stupid girl! I hate you!"

Everything inside me told me to stop, that what I'm saying is wrong. I shouldn't be scolding that word in front of her and I shouldn't be saying I hate her. The whole thing reminded me of myself when I was extremely young. It was then I realized the kind of shit my mother had to take, of us flaring up for no reason and of them doing things for us yet not receiving a single thank you. Frustrated at my sister and also frustrated at myself because I just did what I said I would never do to my sister/kids.

Gross. Mushy. *shudders* Well anyway treat your parents better.

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Excited

Taken from Sibeh Sian, here. The photo is not Sibeh Sian himself.
If you don't understand the photo, look at the bump there. Somebody made SBS's friend's little boy very happy. haha. Actually I think it's just the pants.

Erm by the way guys, if you're in public please don't look down there when you are having an erection. Look all you want when you're at home, but when outside, you're telling everybody that you're very excited. So unless you really want others to know, try not to look. Walk on normally, people usually won't notice. Well I don't notice, so if I don't, I guess a majority of others don't either. Even if others notice, well, be proud of it lah! It can still stand! =D

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Spotted; idiot

I saw averii today. She looks exactly like how she is in photos. Don't know if she saw me though, though Yan Ting did point me out to her.

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This guy stood crossed the road while the cars were coming fast. One honked at him, he froze, motionless in the middle of the road. One car passed behind him, the other passed right in front of him. Then he quickly ran across the road to safety.

He's a complete idiot.

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Classical conditioning

Do you believe that your genes are what solely shapes you?

Watch this video on youtube on an famous psychology experiment done by John Watson on an orphan Little Albert.

Every sound in this video was subbed, including the clanging noise because at that time videos made had no sound at all.

This particular experiment is called Classical Conditioning where a particular response can be elicited by the presence of a particular object. For instance, you give your dog a biscuit, your dog salivates at the biscuit. You keep giving your dog a biscuit everyday and every time, your dog salivates at the biscuit. Soon when your dog sees you, he salivates. The biscuit is called the Unconditioned Stimulus (US) and salivating is called the Unconditioned Response (UR) when the dog salivates at the biscuit. Salivating naturally occurs when the dog sees the biscuit. If you keep giving your dog a biscuit and the dog now salivates at the sight of you, you are now the Conditioned Stimulus (CS) and salivation is now the Conditioned Response (CR). Salivation is now called CR because salivation occurs when the dog sees you and not only at the biscuit. Of course after a while when you stop presenting the dog with the biscuit, the dog will stop salivating at the sight of you.

This is exactly the same thing for Little Albert. The loud noise is the US, the white rat is the CS and the fear is now the CR. Unfortunately we don't know if after that Little Albert still has a fear of furry things since he was adopted before he could be re-conditioned.

There's also operant conditioning. Think classical and operant are the two types of conditioning. Watson called it Behaviourism - where the environment solely shapes the person. However, now we know that both genes and environment interact to form the person.

Watch a funnier version of the video here.

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

On MSN

Friend on MSN:

Im a Fooper! says:
just finished my mock exams

Im a Fooper! says:
mock = not counted = vegetarian
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That perverted guy MSN-ed me again the moment I unblocked him. Don't know why I unblocked him. I instantly blocked him again. A part of it is out of fear, the other's plainly because I'm tired.

That day my male friend was feeling a bit *ahem*. Somehow we started exchanging porn websites. Hmm, not sure if it's normal that a female can talk about these kind of things with her male friends. We were chatting and I told him that I really enjoy watching videos of lesbians, especially those of females kissing. It's way better than watching people have sex. Seriously, there's nothing more arousing than watching people kiss, especially girls.

He asked if I'm turning lesbian.

I laughed and told him no, though friends have teased me about being one in the past. Never was and never will be, I told him, hopefully.

This is so sick. I didn't mean to talk about porn or even centre my blog around it but it seems as if I'm talking more and more about it. I need to clean my mind up a little.

Just a couple more things.
Today in the bus on the way to Clementi this couple in front of me was so intimate, playing around. You know when couples just have that vibe radiating from them when they're sexually aroused? You can tell from their actions and the way they couldn't be bothered that everyone else could see what they were doing. Their faces were so close. In fact I think they did kiss once but I was trying very hard not to look. So tempted to watch but I pointedly directed my gaze out the window. It was so amusing I think I was smiling to myself at one point. Smiling because of that and a little something else from memory.

There's this really hot girl in my psychology group. Bronzed and slim and not bad looking.

Need to clean up mind.

I wonder if things will ever turn around, that I'm the watched instead of the watcher.

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Earthquake

Apparently there were two earthquakes in Padang, Indonesia this afternoon.

Singaporeans experienced two rounds of tremors in the space of two hours on Tuesday, following two earthquakes in Padang, Indonesia.

Singapore's Meteorological Services Division said the first tremors were felt at about 11.50am after an earthquake measuring 6.6 on the Richter scale struck Padang on the island of Sumatra.

The second round of tremors occurred around 1.50pm after another earthquake, also measuring 6.6 on the Richter scale, struck Padang.
Taken from Channel News Asia. Read it here.

Argh, I missed detecting this earthquake despite me being in school and hearing that others have felt it. Even Ngee Ann Polytechnic was evacuated. I really don't know how come I didn't feel anything. The last time there was an earthquake I think in Indonesia a few years back and the tremors were felt in Singapore, I was sound asleep and my mother thought my snoring was shaking the bed. I never woke up to join in the excitement though. Today at about the time the tremors in Singapore were reported, I was in Macdonald's and I certainly didn't feel anything. Of course it could have been because I was too absorbed in reading my book. Hmm, later in the LT I thought I did feel some trembling, could it have been it?? Or was it some handphone vibrating...

Well there was another tremble that I was absolutely certain of - my stomach's. I went to the toilet during break time thinking I would take a piss but ended up spending 10 minutes inside, letting the *ahem* flow out. Anyway this is not the point of this post.

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Monday, March 05, 2007

Missing chapters from photocopied textbook

Damn.

The girl I bought the photocopied textbook from didn't tell me that it doesn't include some chapters. I feel cheated. That b****.

Then again how could I have been so stupid.

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Surprise visit & Computer settings

My cousin YY turned up today at my place with her mom and sister unexpectedly - a pleasant surprise. She also brought with her two pieces of chocolate cake from Bengawan Solo. It was delicious! Sinfully rich and chocolatey, exactly what I felt like eating today. Her reason for getting the cakes? Because I helped her to check if any of the books in her booklist is sold in NUS Co-op. Which reminds me that Clementi Bookshop might sell them. Hmm, would I get another 2 pieces of cake for that? =D Just kidding.

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I just changed the wallpaper of the computer since it's now technically my computer, as well as some other settings of the computer to suit my taste. It's now a picture of the Spinelli's cheesecake, taken a long time ago. It's one of the best pictures I have, the fork is aligned nicely at the side and fits perfectly into my screen so that it looks as if it's ready for consumption.

Er no, it doesn't mean anything else, I just really like this picture. Looks perfect, doesn't it? Reminds me of the word "classy". =D Of course I did try this other picture for the wallpaper:

Well, I thought it was very interesting but my mother vehemently protested against it. Oh well.

I also downloaded a few themes for my firefox browser and it's now a sweet red and silver, titled rubyFox, modeled after the iFox theme.

Absolutely love it. I also changed the cursors to something along the lines of music. Now I feel really good whenever I switch on the computer, cheers me up instantly.

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Sunday, March 04, 2007

So screwed this sem - again

I realize that every semester I'll blog and say that I'm so dead for that semester. This semester don't seem any different.

I thought my essay was almost done. I haven't really got any references except for the textbook and this particular journal article that our lecturer gave us. Then my course mate came and said that she has got a few journal articles and another one has books for references.

I really don't know what I've been doing this semester. Thinking that I'm safe when in fact I'm totally not - that's really the most dangerous.

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Eye (and ear) candies

Can't help myself.
These past few days there have been more than a few eye candies around. Not only eye candies but erm, ear-candies?!

I happen to think that the current band president of my JC is really pretty and sweet. Plus she's capable - she's the president of (not Singapore) the band! Then there's another JC1 student there too and she looks utterly sweet. Think in school for the past couple of days I also spotted a couple of pretty ones. Suddenly they're all appearing out of nowhere. Being able to blend into the crowd has its advantages - you can watch those eye candies for as long as you want without being too conspicuous. Of course being a female helps too.

Yesterday while at Eugene's house, my cousins and father were talking about another cousin and calling him soldier. Argh! I almost went crazy then. You all should know how great an impact that word has on me.

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Back - past days

Apologies for having been gone. While I've been silent, I got in touch again with the past inside me. I miss blogging, but blogging can reveal the most private parts of your life. Writing seems to be a way out for me, yet sometimes also seems to be a path to destruction. Somebody asked me that day, "Weren't you mature in JC?"
"No," I told him, "I wasn't." I still aren't now. It would probably take me a lot longer than others to do so, but thank you for those who have been marvelously patient.

28th February 2007, Wednesday


I needed a break. Wondered if things will be different after this, will things change.

1st March 2007, Thursday

I survived.

2nd March 2007, Friday

What would you like to hear first?

My sister's got my brother's old handphone, a better phone than mine. Don't know why she would need one but she has got one.

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Went back to AJ for a farewell party for our band teacher-in-charge, Mdm Foo, who's retiring. Things were alright. We had catered dinner/buffet, a short performance by Jeremy, Zhi Xiang and Desmond, a short presentation for Mdm Foo, the presentation of gifts for her and a cake. I was... where I was. Kind of wish I didn't go back because I don't really like gatherings or socializing. Thank goodness Jeremy, Jin Yue and another girl was there. They made my non-existence a little more bearable. Just kidding. Sometimes I think that these kinds of things should just be for the leaders. But it was very sweet of Joel to organize this whole thing.

Saw the J1s from first 3 months in their secondary school uniforms and it brought back so many memories. I don't know a single of them now. The band is so small now with barely 40 people altogether. The band room hasn't changed much. The red carpet's still there, dirty as ever, and the wall mural is still there.

The school hasn't changed much either. Save for the canteen where they reorganized the seats and put in more seats behind the canteen itself (beside the toilets), as well as the barrier at the main gate, things look pretty much the same. Buildings look the same, parade square still there (haha), lockers still the same. It was odd to be walking the corridors again and I really felt like walking back to the locker I had, the one near the very end. I saw Mr Sng, my physics teacher, but didn't go up to say hi. He looks the same still. I reckon I still look about the same.

I walked to the bus interchange alone. Hadn't walked that route since I went back to take my A-level results 2 years ago but my feet knew the way. It was like going home from school after band practice again. I crossed the same traffic light and the same pedestrian crossing. It was odd to be taking 72 again. My feet really knew the way.

Throughout, I was thinking.

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My friend's parents are getting divorced. I shan't say who it is because I think the person would rather keep it private. I was shocked, I still am. Thought about the future, would there be more divorces in Singapore? If I'm not wrong, the numbers are already increasing.

I wish that my friend will be fine and be strong.

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Brother received his A-level chinese results. A horrid D.

3rd March 2007, Saturday

It is a good day. Went to Eugene's house, lo-hei, watched my cousins, uncle and brother play mahjong. I survived.

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