tired

Tired. Need to study but feel like sleeping. Brain so saturated. Sorry, no other entry for today. Exam's on Thursday so there might be a lack of entries until then. Do check back, ok? I'll blog when I can.
In fact, I'll blog about today, tomorrow. =)

Bye. Night. *Yawn*

STRESSED

I am stressed.

I am freaking stressed.

I AM FREAKING, VERY, EXTREMELY STRESSED.

I can't stand looking at my notes anymore, cannot do anymore mindmaps. It's physically suffocating. I can feel this thing going to explode out of me. I'm extremely quick-tempered nowadays, finding fault with EVERYTHING. Going out doesn't help, listening to music doesn't help, singing out loud helps a little, but the moment I go back to my notes the suffocating feeling comes back again.


Ok, stop talking and blogging and go back to the books. I've got tons to do.

Nathan Hartono

Gosh, Nathan Hartono's so good! Just realized I once saw him on Channel News Asia but didn't really pay attention. It was only when I heard this song "My Crush" on my mobile phone (the song comes with the phone) that I fell in love with it, did a little search and realized who he is.

Can't find My Crush online so listen to this song Life is Good.

I'm hopelessly hooked on his voice.

Motiono

There's this website like youtube, but named motiono. It even has a similar layout! Anyway here's a video I got when I clicked on the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. It's a Japanese show, something like Gags - for laugh. It might be already on youtube though. Talk about Informational Social Influence.


Motiono by iDocX

link

sorry

i don't like it when people flare up. don't like it when people scold me. don't like it when i do something and ...

i said before - i don't know how much is too much. i'm scared i do too much. that's why i apologize so much.

Weird dream

I had another dream last night. This time the dream was quite odd and funny and dwelled on one specific thought.

Last night I felt quite stressed for no reason and wanted some form of escape. Think the thought of clubbing was in the unconscious so when I started dreaming, I dreamt that we had moved house and our house was adjoining to a club. The most ridiculous thing is my room had a door directly linking to the club and a couple of clubbers were resting in my room. There is another door which is the exit of course but my door looked so much more inviting than the other one. Mingzhu was also there in the room and we were preparing to head over later in the night. The good thing about having a club just a wall away is you never have to worry about transport, plan what time to meet your friends taking into account lateness and then see what time you'll reach there. Your friends head over to your house and at any time they can go club or go rest in your room. It's like my own personal club! Which is completely ridiculous.

Anyway for some reason I left the right clothes over at the old house in my dream and I was wearing completely wrong ones. So I decided on another set but then realized I have not epilated my pits. In the dream I wanted to do it, but there were too many people in my room (clubbers, relatives, friends of friends) and I was too embarrassed to ask them to get out. So I was just standing there, listening to people chat, thinking how nice it would be able to epilate my pits, looking in the mirror, then somewhere along the way I woke up.

Weird dream. I can count the number of times I stepped into a club/pub with one hand. Parents don't even allow me out for supper, you think I can go out so easily?

Not expecting

You know what I'm really, really afraid of in any relationship?
Afraid of asking too much, of expecting too much from the other person. Don't know how much is too much, don't know what the other person want.

You know what's the easiest thing?
Don't expect anything, don't ask for anything.

You know what's really difficult?
Not expecting, not wanting anything.

You know what's the result from not expecting or wanting anything?
I don't know what I want anymore. Somehow it also made me less trusting of others too.

Promise to Self

Next semester I shall not be lazy and procrastinate.

Afterall I do like what I'm studying. Mostly.

Olivia's writing/drawing

Olivia suddenly told me yesterday or the day before that she loves me

I... love... Ng... Wan... Ah Bear!

Of course she was kidding about the Ah Bear part. =P Then yesterday she drew/wrote our names on a piece of paper:

It is all very sweet and nice, except for one thing:

One of the chinese characters of my name is opposite!

olivia: Yar what, correct what! Three日mah!
me: Yar, but it is opposite... haha...
olivia: Orh! haha...

Then she said to pin this on my noticeboard so that other people can see and if they ask how come the name is wrong, tell them that it is her who wrote it and she didn't know how to write it.

Children! They do the sweetest things sometimes while at other times they're utterly naughty. Sounds like "idiosyncrasy credits" or something. Forgot the name, cousin, please correct me. =)

Am studying Developmental Psychology now, so much information, have to learn to link the different chapters fast.

Exam Dream

I had a scary dream last night.

It was the examination period and I went to school for my paper. For one of the papers, Abnormal Psychology, I went into the hall late, sat down and flipped open the paper to find that the questions were unfamiliar. Then I checked the name tag on my table (I don't know why there's a tag) and realized I'm in the wrong hall. I was in the Advanced Abnormal Psychology hall and the girl who was supposed to be in the seat was my friend, Aimei, who in real life is in Business faculty.

Then I got out of MPSH 6 and was trying to find the correct hall. Can't remember what happened but I think I met Aimei and now we were supposed to be sitting for our JC maths9233 paper. I know it was JC maths because I remember in the dream I was thinking about Mr. Yeo, our JC maths teacher, but we were going to take JC maths in NUS. It didn't seem weird in the dream but now it does. Aimei had just decided not to sit for the paper this semester and at that point I started thinking of integration and formulas and realized that I was not well-prepared for it either - heck, I didn't even prepare for maths! So knowing that I wouldn't be able to do anything and not really wanting to go into the hall, I walked home with Aimei. But the school in my dream is not like NUS but a bit like the exterior of the place where my Secondary School was temporarily moved to a few years ago.

I remember thinking that I gave up 2 papers in the dream and what a waste it was. Then I met Ming Zhu and somehow she didn't want to take some paper (not sure if it was maths or abnormal psychology) either. And there was a baby in the scene and I think she was bending down to comfort the baby and somehow by accident she took the paper and she scored full marks for it. At the end of the dream somehow I had a piece of white, blank paper that had a huge red cross and with "0" at the bottom. I was carrying it around at home and was trying to hide it from my father.

According to Biopsychology, I had this dream in my REM sleep because the story is narrative. The reason why I could still remember the dream is because my REM sleep is most probably not too long before I woke up.

The dream actually seemed quite real to me. I hate the dream.

An email, a call and realization

Checked my NUSmail today and found an email from Dr. Hon, the lecturer of the module whose exam I walked out on on Tuesday. He asked me to call his office number ASAP, so with fear in my heart, I did.

He was very nice, asked me what happened that day and what I intend to do. I told him I'd just retake the module next semester and he suggested that maybe I can fill in the yellow form and he can consider giving me an "incomplete" instead of a "fail" grade, which would look better on the transcript. There's no way he could have passed me, of course, but I'm not sure if an "incomplete" would affect my CAP. It'd be great if it didn't because by calculation, assuming I didn't score too well for the other modules (I expect that), my CAP would have been pulled down by a lot if it was counted in. By a lot, I mean by 1.0. It's that much.

Suddenly I feel like a failure. Really very stupid of me. I'm not like others who have backups - I don't. I have only my grades to depend on and nothing to fall back on. Should have been more hardworking this semester. Even if I failed that module, the others would have maintained it.

But thanks a lot to friends and cousins who showed me a lot of concert. Am very touched. =)

Song - Together in Electric Dreams

Human League - Together in Electric Dreams

Don't know who sent me this song and it sounds a little old, but I really like it. Wikipedia says this song was originally recorded for the movie Electric Dreams and the movie itself was made in 1984. That means this song is about 23 years old! Wikipedia also said,

"Together in Electric Dreams" was a "solo" single for Philip Oakey (though credited jointly to Oakey and producer Giorgio Moroder) rather than the Human League. It has been included on Human League albums as if it were by the whole band, as it is popularly associated with the band, broadly mimics their traditional sound, and was in fact a bigger hit than many of the League's own singles of the period.

link

Enjoy!

Confession on empty paper

Actually I was kind of relieved to not need to write the essay. Now I can't stand writing essays. Don't know how I will cope with this upcoming paper.

Empty paper

The day started alright. I woke up and left the house earlier than usual, managing to catch the 7.05am bus for school. I thought I'd be early since I left the house 2 hours before my paper and also taking the earlier bus. Boy was I wrong. Somewhere along the way near Jalan Toa Payoh or something, there was an accident and we were stuck on that stretch for 20 full minutes. Think a lorry rammed into a cab. Stupid drivers. Why can't they drive more carefully? Don't know how to drive then don't drive lah! I was cursing them. Pissed, because at that time I knew I was definitely going to be late. Later on nearing school, the traffic became heavy again. The entire bus journey took an amazing 2 hours. Why did this have to happen today of all days. I mean I even left the house super early, with the expectation of reaching the place at least 20 minutes in advance!

So I reached school at 9am sharp, took the ISB to Sheares Hall, hurried in and sat down at 9.10am, looked at the question, tried to plan and realized my head was empty.

I walked out of the examination hall after writing 2 sentences, crying and telling the examiner I can't do this paper, 55 minutes after I walked into it.

Yes, I'm not lying. I couldn't do the paper because I wasn't well-prepared enough and I couldn't remember a single thing despite the fact that the two topics I chose to cover came up in the question. Couldn't remember anything at all despite having just gone through my mind-map in the bus, barely 15 minutes before I stepped into the hall.

I sat there and stared at the paper, mind totally blank during examinations for the first time in my years of studying. 10 minutes later I asked the lecturer if I could just don't do this paper. For some unknown reason I started tearing (as quietly as I can) though I really had no idea why. He looked quite surprised and asked if I would like to go out and rest for a bit. I refused and told him I just couldn't do it because I can't remember anything. He told me to sit and think around the issue and said he can't let me out until an hour has passed anyway. I asked if I failed this module would I have to retake it again and he said yes. So I sat there, staring at the question, looking at everybody writing madly away and wondering how they can be so smart. Sat and stared at the clock, wishing and wishing that I could walk out of the place at that moment.

At 10am, an hour after the paper has started, I raised my arm again and told him I can't do it. So he let me go. While everybody else were still writing away, I packed my stuff, stood up from my seat and left the hall, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. A couple of students near me were looking at me though. Hope I didn't disrupt them. I was relieved, but also a little heavy-hearted. Dr Hon opened the door for me and I thanked him. Outside, he asked why. Is it because I couldn't remember or I didn't know how to answer the question. I told him both. My voice was starting to break again and I knew if I spoke then, I was going to end up in tears again.

I took the bus home. At school, the paper ended and my friend called to ask where am I. I told her what happened and to my utter horror, I started crying on the bus. I didn't know why I was crying, really. I keep thinking that I don't want to study anymore. Really, maybe, I'll take a semester break for this coming semester.

Then I had lunch but I wasn't really enjoying it. Not sure what to do.

I've got another paper in a week but I can't study. I really cannot memorize anymore things. My mind feels like it's utterly saturated and I feel really stupid. Somehow inside me I know this is it. I can't do this again next semester and the next after next or the one after that. I've had enough of memorization. Don't plan to tell my parents what happened, either. They have such hopes on me.

A bit wasted, isn't it, this module? Couldn't last through 2 hours. Wonder if I have enough bid points to get this module the next semester I'm in school.

I have a headache and my eyes hurt. How did I become so apt at keeping tears back. I think I'll go sleep.

exams - abnormal psychology ; random

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M ONLINE!

Abnormal Psychology paper today was bad. Hope I don't fail it. Need to (preferably) ace (too high up) the next two papers. I have lesser than 24 hours left and effectively 9 hours to study (or lesser), so
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M STILL ONLINE!

This is by far my worst prepared exam. I surprise myself.

Apologies for the lack of entry yesterday. I think except for this one, there won't be another one for today.
Good luck to those taking their examinations! ...... What took me so long to realize the rest of you all have exams too and I haven't wished you all yet. Well, good luck to those (still) taking their exams! Don't worry, the earth will still rotate even if you do badly. =) How sarcastic. I've given up telling people to do their best when so, just do what you can! Even more sarcastic.

Bye. Off to study.

One down, three to go

Finished one paper this afternoon and the feeling's incredible! Like a weight off my shoulders. Of course now I have to prepare for the next 2 modules within 1.5 days. Ok, that didn't help.

Woke up halfway through my pleasant sleep, feeling hot and sweaty and could not really go back to sleep again. Drifted in and out of consciousness until sometime later when there was some commotion outside my door and my brother came in to switch on the modem and router (after which he left it on). Couldn't fall asleep after that either. So I laid in bed until 9am (alarm's set for 9.30am), hoping to get a little more sleep but to no success so I gave up and got up. Got up with a slight headache, feeling groggy and after a quick check of my mind, found out little of what I studied was still inside. Tried to sleep during the bus journey to school but was unsuccessful. It is one of those rare times I am unsuccessful at sleeping. Usually I sleep until somebody wakes me up at the interchange.

Headed to McDonald's, hoping to have lunch but gave up hope when I saw the queue extended all the way across the room. Think they didn't expect the exam period to be so packed and so were short-staffed. A quick check of engineering's canteen proved nothing to whet my appetite.

Headed to the Japanese shop at Yusof Ishak House and finally got my meal at 12.20pm. They were quite slow, but think they didn't expect so many people on a Saturday either. Rushed through it to 12.41pm (I'm a slow eater). Then with my heart pounding with fear and with the urge to shit, headed to MPSH5 where I finished 50 MCQ questions within half an hour, took 20 minutes to plan my essay (badly, because I was clueless) and rushed through it to the end - Not enough time to write. This is one of those times when planning didn't work and all I needed was to put my pen to the paper and start writing for the ideas to flow. As usual, didn't finish my essay. Only 3.5 pages though. Hope it was concise and good enough to warrant a good grade. Now that I think about it, it doesn't seem so good, but it wasn't as bad as I had expected.

Oh, saw Yihao, a friend from Engineering, while rushing to grab lunch and then saw him still seated at the same spot 2.5 hours later. Chatted for a while. Quite amazed he can sit there and just do work for 2.5 hours. If it's me I'd probably be gone 1.5 hours later.

Took the crowded bus home and teased somebody through SMS. =) It was fun.

Maybe next week I'll be meeting a male friend of mine. Hmm. Maybe something will happen. I wonder.

Dars Bitter Chocolate - to relief stress and feel horny

Very stressed.

Don't know how many times I typed those words already. I'm so stressed I didn't dare touch my notes although the clock on my computer is ticking happily away. Couldn't take it anymore and finally went to the mall to get some ice cream but ended up at NTUC, looking at the row of sweets and chocolates. Didn't take long to decide this time round.

Dars Bitter Chocolate

Not milk chocolate, not white chocolate (which I love), but dark chocolate. Dark chocolate must have more of whatever it is that makes people feel good, right? Yes that's my notes underneath the chocolate. Yes I study using mindmaps. Yes I do a mindmap for every chapter. Yes it's very tiring. FYI, it's Biopsychology - movement's mindmap that you're staring at now, eyes wide, jaws dropping. =D

While walking to the mall people were staring at me and I wondered why. I did a mental check of what I was wearing - shirt, check, shorts, check, bra, check. I'm puzzled. Maybe because my shorts look weird. Whatever.

Then I came home, saw Ridz on MSN and told him I bought dark chocolate. He said they are aphrodisiacs (quote, "asphrodisiacs, right?"). I asked what is that and he said, "something that makes you feel horny". =D That just made my day. So I twittered about it. Hey, good and funny things are meant to be shared! And like Ridz says,

that's in-line with the Ridz-Star Twitter Channel

By the way, he's right.

aph·ro·di·si·ac

adj. Arousing or intensifying sexual desire.
n. Something, such as a drug or food, having such an effect.

link

Ok, I'd better get back to the books.
I've ended up talking to myself on ping.sg -_-''

Almost there...

FIRST PAPER TOMORROW

Being environmental-friendly - plastics

Didn't know yesterday was Bring Your Bag Day, meaning shoppers of (major supermarkets?) have to either bring their own bags, buy an 80cents reusable bag or pay 10cents for each plastic bag to store their groceries.

However, what shoppers do later with the reusable bags is another thing. Will they continue using it, bringing it to shops when doing grocery shopping? Or will it be stashed away in one corner of the house, labeled as rubbish? Hopefully it will be the former.

It's a really good campaign because it's aimed at public awareness and participation. I'm glad this campaign from this year onwards would not be just a yearly affair but will instead be implemented every first Wednesday of the month. But what about the rest of the month?

Consider this: 1 day of each month means only 12 out of 365 days will there be a possible decrease in plastic bags being used.

That's a tiny amount! I think NEA should at the same time promote to retailers the use of biodegradable bags. After all, this is a 2-way thing and both shoppers and shops are part of the public. If the shops advocate environmental-friendly attitudes, then it will influence the shopper to take more notice of what he/she is doing. Also, what if there are some spontaneous last minute shopping to do, there are no reusable bags around and you do not want to get another because you already have 10 others at home? Then shoppers can still get a biodegradable plastic bag from the shop and not a normal plastic bag. Environment taken into account. I feel a reusable bag would be far better than a biodegradable one though since a reusable bag can be used for many years while a biodegradable bag would most likely be thrown away after use a couple of times, which means more bags being consumed, equating to more materials for making the bags needed and thus more needs to be taken from earth. Plus the environment don't stop being destroyed just to wait for you to become environmental-friendly. Sometimes I cannot stand all this discussing and signing treaties here and there. Sheesh, you think the earth stop rotating for you, is it? Or that while you take 10 years to discuss a treaty (and decide to sign it), global warming will stop for you until you decide to sign it? Please! We're just itsy bitsy ants in this huge (and expanding?) universe. Nothing stops for us, even if you're the President of some important country on a tiny planet called Earth among millions of other planets. Even the earth don't stop for us (or you). Save the environment? Just do it already!

Just wondering, what about the smaller stores, do they take part in the campaign too?

So everybody, use reusable bags whenever you can, ok! Or if you are just buying a small packet of sweets or some small stuff which you can put into your bags/pockets/hold in hand, please do resist asking for a plastic bag, or rather, tell the cashier you don't need a plastic bag.

I do quite frequently tell them I don't need one. Especially in NUS when we buy food from the push-cart vendors, we don't really need a plastic bag to put the plastic container and chopsticks in just to carry it 2 metres away to a table to eat. If you know that you're going to consume your food soon, please don't waste the plastic bags. Most of the time they get thrown away when they're not even dirty or spoilt. I'm quite uncomfortable with eating at Megabites too because of the large amounts of Styrofoam plates and plastic utensils used. Kind of wish they would be more environmental-friendly. I don't feel that NUS has done anything, whether encouraging students or vendors, to reduce the use of plastic. Oh well, maybe in this case there really cannot be much done because what else can you use to store food, right? I just feel really uncomfortable seeing university students not telling the vendors that they don't need the plastic bags, as well as seeing the many plastic containers in bins. Imagine this going on for one year! It's quite a lot of wastage. Actually things like that have been going on school, especially canteens prior to the closure of the arts canteen.

So this also means don't leave your computer on unnecessarily or use it for too long. Save electricity = save fuel = save the earth!

=P
Hey, there's an unwired life out there, you know! You just have to find it.

Morning

Good morning everybody!

It's a lovely Thursday morning! Not exactly blue skies since the sky's covered with grey clouds but the weather's still cool and it feels wonderful. Breathe in the crisp morning air, smelling slightly of rain later on and let it perk you up! It's wonderful what early mornings can do.

I've got a headache, though. And is that cigarette smoke I smell in the air?!

Random

Angry. Very angry. Very pissed. Very upset. Very unsatisfied. It's worse when I know the real reason why I'm upset. Then I get upset over being upset. Ha.

Can't stand studying. Just want to lose myself in something, somewhere. Maybe just long enough to make me feel worthy again, enough to make me feel wanted, make me feel me. Or maybe to make me feel not me.

Do you think people will notice or feel upset if I just disappeared one day? Maybe if I were everybody else but me, things would be better. But maybe not. I mean I have a pretty nice life. A life I probably don't deserve. Sheesh. What a bunch of crap. I should be treasuring it, right?

ARGH!

Lend me a shoulder to cry on? A hug? Anybody? Forget it. Don't deserve it.

Tag - meme

I suppose this is called The 12-layer tag?

Tagged by DK to do this meme because, I suspect, he has nobody else to tag after tagging some other people some time back. =P Which reminds me I have another one on Jenny's blog that I'm supposed to do but haven't. So anyway, here it is. (I don't like doing memes.)

Layer One:On The Outside
Name : Stephanie
Birth Date : the day before children's day - 1986
Current status : Whole body intact, no organs missing
Eye Colour : Black
Hair Colour : Black
Righty or Lefty : Right

Layer Two :On The Inside
Your Heritage : Chinese
Your Fears : Insects
Your Weakness : A guy's physical touch (not every guy)
Your Perfect Pizza : Hawaiian, eaten in a non-airconditioned room. I tend to puke if eaten in air-con room.

Layer Three :Yesterday, Today , Tomorrow
Your Thoughts First thing when I wake up : Do I have anything important today?
Your Bedtime : 11pm - 4am
Your Most Missed Memory : holding hands.

Layer Four : Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : Coke
McDonald’s or Burger King : McDonald's
Single or Group Dates : Single.
Adidas or Nike : Nike. (Bleh. I prefer New Balance actually.)
Tea or Nestea : Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla : Tough choice. Hmm. Vanilla
Cappucino or Coffee : I don't drink coffee. Cappucino, then.

Layer Five : Do You..
Smoke : No.
Curse: Definately
Take a shower : ...... Duh.
Have a crush : Yes
Think you’ve been in love: Yes
Go to school : Yes
Want to get married : If I meet the right person
Believe in yourself : To a certain extent
Think you’re a health freak : No

Layer Six : In The Past Month
Drank alcohol : *scratch head* Don't think so
Gone to the mall : Yes
Been on stage : No
Eaten sushi : Don't remember. Think so
Dyed your hair : No

Layer Seven : Have You Ever..
Played A Stripping Game : Yes
Changed Who You Were To Fit In : No

Layer Eight : Age
You’re Hoping To Be Married : Ideally, before 30. Looks tough though.

Layer Nine : In a Girl/Guy
Best Eye Colour : Uh, black?
Best Hair Colour : Black or with highlight
Short Hair or Long Hair : Short

Layer Ten : What Were You Doing
1 Min Ago : Doing this tag
1 Hour Ago : Multi-tasking - revising, surfing, SMS-ing, MSN-ing
4.5 Hours Ago : Sleeping
1 Month Ago : In developmental psychology lecture
1 Year Ago: Studying LAH

Layer Eleven : Finish The Sentence
I Love : my family
I Feel : scared
I Hate : cockroaches/beetles
I Hide : nowhere. I don't usually hide.
I Need : to know what I want with my life

Layer Twelve : Tag five people..
Yizhen
LiuYin
Yaoming
Jiaying
Chuwen

QR code / Zap

Ever heard of the QR code from Japan?

Quoted from chillycraps long ago,

Traditional barcode can only give you numbers, whereas a QR code can give you info like name, email, URL, message, etc... in fact it is a very common thing in Japan.

link

It has been quite some time since I last read the papers and apparently now The Straits Times has it too. Titled "Zap" where you can use your handphone to take a picture of the code which is then sent to a site to be decoded. The code in this case contains the day's headlines news or STOMP's Story of the Day or something of the likes. If you're interested, the code can be found on pages 20 - 22 of today's The Straits Times main section. It's awfully troublesome though because you have to take the picture at an appropriate distance away and have to ensure that your phone has a certain amount of memory left. Then you also have to pay for the GPRS charges. What for when I can just log onto the internet and read whatever I want off the webpage?

Random

I just realized why I've been blogging so little recently. Because I've been twittering too much. All my blogging material went there instead. Darn. Ok, have to reduce my twittering frequency now.

Really feeling the panic from examinations now.

No time to blog

I have no time nor mood to blog, which is surprising considering that for the past few semesters blogging frequency tended to increase with upcoming examinations.

Somebody else has been keeping me busy somewhere else too and he knows who he is. *grin*

Will talk about MZ's birthday celebration as soon as possible, when I've got sufficient time on my hands.

Ping.sg meetup #2

Almost didn't turn up for ping.sg's 2nd meetup because of the panic induced while looking at the amount of work I have to conquer. I even informed Uzyn that I would not be going but was convinced by him otherwise. So I went, and I was horribly late, which was perfect. I'll explain why.

Slight diversion. Realized yesterday that I didn't remove the umbrella for airing after the last usage during a rainy day and it stank horribly. Was wondering yesterday what was that stench, went home then realized it's my umbrella. Hopefully the others didn't sniff it. =P

Throughout the journey to Holland V yesterday, I was seriously wondering if Ridz would wear his army uniform after his twitter informed us that he would. Actually I wasn't doubting that he would wear, but it would still make an impact.
Ridz is a ping.sg user. Cut things short, he said he would wear camouflage cream if I turned up for the meet, because I like guys in army uniform, specifically number 4. Read here for the conversation on wearing uniform/cream to the meetup. I don't specifically remember how of all people it is Ridz who has to wear it.

So I happily entered Essential Brew last night, a little nervous. Spotted them, removed my shoes, walked in happily, saw Uzyn, recognized DK, waved a little hi and then through the blur of my dry lens, saw something green.

I cursed. Twice.

From ntt,

Taking a page from chillycrap’s blog… Here is the quote of the day..

Oh Shit!

- tstar (when she saw ridz84 wearing uniform at the ping.sg meetup)

(Link)

Ridzuan really wore his uniform.

They took that picture while I was frozen on the spot, grinning like an idiot and folding my umbrella. See why I said it was perfect I came late?

I did ask Ridz while seated if I could touch his uniform and he was laughing like crazy. Really really really wanted to run my hands over it, but it would be too embarrassing and not really nice, so I didn't. Darn.

Ordered Grilled Dory with Oolong Sauce (I think that's the name) and I didn't regret my choice. The fish was tender and the sauce on the small portion of rice was unique, like tea made into sauce. Lovely.

From left: DK, Uzyn, me, Ridz, Kevin, ntt.

Kevin and ntt left not long after I arrived.

Rinaz and ClappingTrees came soon after and they squished themselves into the much smaller space behind the table, against the wall. =D They are really very nice people and we chatted quite amiably. Glad, surprised and relieved that there was no awkward silence or anything. In fact, there was much laughter going around. Eastcoastlife came much later with her husband.

From left: Ebie (co-owner of Essential Brew), Uzyn, Clappingtrees, Rinaz, me, Ridz, eastcoastlife, dk

Desserts were on the house, courtesy of Ebie.

Strawberry Panna Cotta

Plateau Serenade

Names of desserts gotten off eastcoastlife.
Desserts were marvelous! I especially like the first one. First taste a bit like medicine, but the pudding below the strawberry was lovely.

What do bloggers do when they see beautiful food? They do what bloggers do best - take pictures to be posted on their blogs later. We were laughing at the scene of everybody whipping out their cameras to take pictures of the desserts. Although I have a 3.2 megapix camera, I also happen to be a very horrible photographer. Somehow my pictures were blur. Doesn't matter, the rest take nice pictures can already. =)

Then everybody attacked the dish on Uzyn's count of 3.

Left at 10.30pm. 3 hours sure flew. It has been quite some time since I felt that time passed so fast. On the way down I kind of got a feel of the uniform, a tiny little bit of it between my fingers. Ridz was saying that next time my brother's in the army, I can feel the uniform. But it's not the uniform only that I want. Somebody must be wearing the uniform and I want to run my hand over the entire *ahem* body mah! How can I molest my brother, right? =D
A few of us, including me, went home while the rest went to Starbucks for coffee. Coffee addicts, those! =D

It was a wonderful evening. Very long never felt so happy already. Glad I went and I sure don't regret spending that few hours! Thanks for the time, people! =)

Other accounts:
DK
eastcoastlife
rinaz
ntt
ClappingTrees
Uzyn (on ping.sg blog)

on MSN

Friend, on MSN,

I knew it, you horny hamster!

"Horny", I can understand, but hamster?! He said his friend invented it. Told him his friend must have watched hamsters masturbate or have sex, a lot.

Shocked

My friend just showed me something today. I was so shocked. Somehow not surprised. Maybe because I know something like that will happen to somebody I know? Don't know. Just...

I'm so blind, so stupid.

Letting go - comments

I know that I can do this - just let it go. I'm feeling it go already. It's more different than I expected. It isn't about forgetting, it's just about accepting and moving on. It doesn't mean that I need to have no feelings at all, just feelings in a different way. Won't deny that it hurts, but it is just better. I need more time though, a lot more.
Do I hate him? Sometimes a lot. But a lot of things have to thank him for.
Thank you all for the concern, but I think I would rather not have any comments on this entry.

And thanks very much, my dearest cousin! Just needed to know if the question I asked you last night was true or not. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. But people tend to take what I write here as truly me. I'm not shutting myself out from guys, like what cousin says I portray here. Some would know, how could I? =P Maybe I'm being a little bit stubborn, ok maybe a lot more and I don't even realize it. But I was angry when people just tell me to forget him, forget it, let go quick, too long already. I promise if I hear any more about it I'll bite your head off but not before digging your eyes out. That's how fed-up I am.

You are not me, you don't know me, you don't know how I feel. I don't care how many of you say that you all have gone through this, don't care how you all say that you all understand. Every freaking case is different in some way, I don't think anybody can fully understand how another feel. I don't care what you all think about this, this is my stand, what I believe and I'm standing firm on it. Hmph! *pouts* Now looking back, a lot of you all say that you understand -_-" haha.. But I'm grateful anyway.

Jenny's reply deludes me most, though. I'm growing up? What the heck does that mean? No, I don't agree with what you are saying and I really don't think you understand everything. =P Pissed? =D But I'm grateful for your concern and your listening ear.

Now I hope this will be up longer than the last one.

Chat

Just had a nice chat with cousin, helped me clear up some of my thoughts. Last time is I help her, now become she help me. =) Cousin growing old already. =P Now our knowledge base are about the same. Heard some pretty amazing stuff and laughed at some stupid stuff. Thanks for your help!

Cousin trying to say "potato chips",

...topato.. topato... potato! chips!

Cousin friend's formula to cheering one up,

You wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say "Hello sunshine! Today is going to be the best day ever!"

Cousin's fomula to achieving a depressive day,

You wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say "eerrr, nobody's wants you for the rest of your life! eeerrrr!"

Can't sleep

Good morning. It's 5am and I'm wide awake. Can't promise I will be later, though. Went to bed at 12am but somehow woke up at around 4am, tossing and turning until 4.30am. I simply could not sleep so I decided it would be better if I just woke up. Have not been sleeping well lately, as if my body is telling me I should be studying and forces me to wake up at more appropriate timings. Alright, alright, body, I shall listen to you. Not that there is anything I can do anyway.

Headache coming on.

test; mynah

I studied only 3 chapters out of about 12 chapters tested out of the textbook. The other chapters I read from lecture notes. The test was actually designed to be easy, especially if you had truly studied. Even for me who did not study properly, I scored a decent 30/43. Not marvelous, but it will have to do. Was amazingly calm before the paper and through it. Answers were shown straight after the test so we knew.
With a score of 70/100 for my term paper (mean=~68, S.D=~8), the real battle for me is now the finals.

Imagine traveling an hour to school to sit for a 50 minute test and then having a half an hour lunch and then spend another hour traveling home.

Was having lunch and watching this fat mynah tottering around, looking for scraps of food. I think it saw me because I was peering over the table at it and because I am ahem human and obviously bigger in size than it is. Plus my feet were under the table, it must have spotted my feet, right? I watched it for a while, bent down to eat some rice then stretched my neck again to look past the chair only to see the mynah suddenly fly up onto the chair. It looked surprised/shocked/startled to see a human seated there, stumbled a bit where it was perched and promptly plopped back down onto the floor. =D It was utterly cute! Could not help grinning after that. In that split instant 30cm away from me, I could see its' feathers, the startled look on its face and the way it kind of pulled back at the sight of me before it dropped down back to the floor. I think I must have felt as surprised as it. Human scare mynah, mynah also scare human.

A plate of rice : $2
Look on the mynah's face : Priceless

=D

Mugging mode - On

Just realized how little time I have left till the examinations, so from now on it's going to be mug mug and more mugging. There might not be consistent daily entries from now till I finish my exams on 3rd May or at least until 24th or 25th April. Of course factors determining whether or not you'll see an entry includes my determination to not touch the computer (very difficult), concentrate on my notes (difficult), to not take breaks every 5 minutes to check the internet (extremely difficult) and walk/look around (kind of difficult).
Anyway examinations screws up my mood like crazy, so you are all permitted to ignore me and my sudden mood shifts until examinations are officially over on 3rd May. Even if mood shifts are not due to exams, you all are still permitted to ignore me because you all have listened enough to my complaints and crying and stuff already. =)

To aid you all in studying, here, have a piece of chewing gum to keep you awake:

Oh. Wait. That's a correction tape.

Drawing gone wild #2

Have you received the email where desktop icons fight each other? This video is way better. A seemingly innocent stick figure with a personality, and a violent one at that.
Enjoy!


Link

Trying to study

I've been trying very hard to study because I have a test on Wednesday and I'm not even half-way done.

Keyword is trying. Really should go to library and camp there.

ha-sob-ha-sob

I'm not sure whether to laugh or to cry.

I scored an A+ for the fourth test in the module I S/U-ed.

It could have pulled up my CAP by a whole freaking lot! Well at least I definitely scored a Satisfactory.

*howls*

Song - Your body is a wonderland

This song is so cheeky yet sweet and the music's nice at the same time. Love it.

John Mayer - Your Body is a Wonderland

We got the afternoon
You got this room for two
One thing I've left to do
Discover me
Discovering you

One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue

And if you want love
We'll make it
Swim in a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be awhile

Your body is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body is a wonderland

Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it

You want love?
We'll make it
Swim in a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be awhile

Your body is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body is a wonderland

Damn baby
You frustrate me
I know you're mine all mine all mine
But you look so good it hurts sometimes

Your body is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder(I'll use my hands)
Your body is a wonderland
Your body is a wonderland

Lyrics

Can't help but feel odd after listening to this song.

BMI

Calculate your BMI here.

Don't think this is the Asian version so the indicator for overweight in the website is higher than it should be for us. The overweight mark for Asians should be around 23.

I'm about 1.57 m (or shorter) and I now weigh 44 kg. I'm underweight. On the bright side, I've gained ~ 2 - 4 kg since the last time I weighed myself!

Today and last week - Randomity

Damn. I was wearing a skirt today and Pearl said for once I was feminine. =D FYI, I don't usually wear skirts. In fact I own no more than 3 skirts. I'm falling for skirts though. They're pretty, comfortable and make me feel good about myself.

After SPU practice today Pearlin and I ended up at Han's just outside of Hougang Mall where we bought two slices of cake, one American Cheesecake and the other Tiramisu Cake. The place we bought it from wasn't exactly inside Han's but a little shop just outside of it, seeming to be entirely unrelated to the Han's it was beside and yet it was really an extension of Han's.

American Cheesecake

Tiramisu cake

I really like cheesecake but I don't usually eat them because they're really quite expensive (for me). Also, cheesecake is really cheesy, after a while you get sick of them. I don't have a strong stomach either so luckily Pearlin was there. She bought Tiramisu because I couldn't decide between cheesecake and Tiramisu, so I can have a taste of both cakes! =) Thanks, Pearlin!

My phone has a 3.2 megapixel camera but I don't know why the images are so blur.

Pearl came up to my house for a while and we chatted for quite a bit. I showed her my clothes in the cupboard, she pointed at one of the skirts and said, "Eh you have this skirt! Why didn't you wear this?!"
I looked at her and started laughing, "Because I'm wearing this other skirt already! You want me to wear all the skirts I have at one time and show you meh??"

Sometimes my friends are a bit weird. =P But I love them anyway.

Oh and I finally handed Pearlin that Christmas card some band junior wrote for her during the Secondary School days which was handed to me because Pearl had gone home at that time. I'm not sure which to be more amazed at - the fact that I had held on to the card for 5 years, that I can keep forgetting to give Pearl the card (for 5 years) or that the card is still in good condition, unsealed and not lost after all this time. I'm immensely glad that I finally gave the card to her, my responsibility to the junior is over. =D Heck, I don't even remember who the junior is!

I was telling Pearlin today that if Jeremy were still single today, I would probably go after him or something. Too bad he's taken, and very happily taken at that. =) Then again, if he were still single today, I would think twice about going after him. Some things are better left as they are, some people are better off as friends. I'm glad nothing started between us because if it did, then it might have ended up as how things are between him and me. I don't like how things are now but I've gotten used to it, can't do anything to it and I'm getting comfortable with it.

I saw another friend that day. She asked how are things between me and him. I wasn't sure what to say, so I shrugged and said "it's over", though nothing really started. She patted my hand and said, "As long as you're happy." I couldn't answer her. I'm comfortable with how things are, but happy? I'm alright, I guess. I smiled at her, nodded then left.

Last week I felt like I left something behind. Wrong. Took something out of me and threw it away. Or I outgrew it. I kind of wish I didn't do it but it was just waiting to happen and it felt right. Guys don't give me a second look in the real world, but online it's different. I like this attention. It makes me feel both good and bad inside.

Ow, there are two pimples on my head.

Mummy's words

Mom to me,

Don't marry for the sake of marrying. If you can't find somebody then nevermind.

Suddenly I feel so relieved.

On MSN - what have I been up to?

What have I been up to?

On MSN,

Friend says: haha I feel like making you suck some cock
Friend says: do you know how to give blowjobs?
Stephanie says: no. my mouth too small
Friend says: there's a difference between trying and knowing baby
Stephanie says: orh
Friend says: there's a first to everything. lol
Stephanie says: you've got blow jobs before leh
Friend says: haha. but i'd love to get it from someone who hasn't done it before.

Man, I sound so disinterested.
Now you know how innocent I am?

"Pick up"

Mom talking to sister,

Mom: The shop thought you haven't picked up your spectacles.
Olivia: Is it? No lah, I drop onto the floor only mah.
Me: HAHAHAHA! the shop call to tell you to pick up your spectacles from the floor! HAHAHAHA!
Mom: No, Olivia! "Pick up" means to take your spectacles from the shop.

Single

You know what's good about being single?
You can do whatever you want with 4 guys and nobody accuses you of being unfaithful.

You know what's bad about being single?
You look at couples and know you don't have that kind of relationship with any of them.

Troubled

*frowns*
Troubled. Maybe I should shut myself away from others for some time to get some sense back. Yeah.

My blog is was my diary

When I first started blogging, I told myself I will be completely truthful here. Every word that was typed was as close to the real thing as possible, every thought put down was carefully thought through and given as many perspectives as possible. It was a great way to think about certain things that needed dealing with. I kept to my word to be completely truthful. I have written entries that people probably would not write, bared my heart, practically put everything on my mind down into words. I have exposed horrid parts of my character, revealed my darkest thoughts, wrote of people I was angry with although they read my blog. Somebody even said that I really treat my blog as my diary and I was really glad about that.

Then one day I realized I cannot put everything down as it is because it will hurt others. I realized that no matter how hard I try to phrase my words or structure my entry to be as fair as possible, people read differently from what I intended. Things I thought would be alright to put down were not. So I don't put as much things down anymore. It upset me because this was not the original purpose of my blog. It was really my diary, created for the purpose of storing and sharing my thoughts in the most honest way possible. You know why I wanted to close this blog so many times? Or how I once childishly renamed it something else? Because I was utterly true to this place for so long and then when I had to start to sieve through my thoughts for appropriate ones to put here, it was quite devastating. As if I were lying to this blog.

So here I am with my blog as it is now, lots of things sieved out because it is for the best of everybody. I have allowed the rules of our social world and reality seep into this little space because afterall, this blog is public. Not many readers, but enough to need to practice discreetness.

So much I'm feeling, yet not one word I can put down frankly.

Ben and Jerry's Free Cone Day

Ben & Jerry's gives out one free cone (with ice-cream, of course =P) per person annually to loyal fans. Details below.

Date: 17th April 2007, Tuesday
Time: 12 noon - 7pm
Participating outlets:
Downtown East #01-08A
Great World City #02-40A
United Square #02-K1
Suntec City Mall #01-152
The Cathay #02-12
Raffles City #B1-80
VivoCity #02-135
White Sands #01-36

I'm not a loyal fan, can I still go get one?

Rain

It rained today, a lovely sudden downpour. Made it look as if there is a layer of mist covering everything. The weather is a marvelous system, one that I currently know almost nothing about but would really love to get to know better. However from what I've been exposed to, the learning process might just be a little dull.

Couldn't help noticing how the running water made this advertisement on the bus, supposedly transparent from the inside, look pink - the original colour of the advertisement.


On Twitter,

tstar: I need to run or swim...
ridz84: heh, if you run now, you can and swim at the same time =) it's raining kittens and puppies

Like real

Early this morning,

I think I'll stay away from stuff like that for a while longer.

Like real.

Random; ants

Fell asleep again just now for a couple of hours. Damn.
Pimples are sprouting up quite badly too. Damn. Looks pretty gross and scary. It's not good - it scares away guys. Not that there were any after me in the first place. Ok so I guess that it doesn't really matter.

-------------------------
Olivia, comparing ants,

Black ants are very friendly!

I'm sure they are!

Limits

Sometimes enough is enough. Why am I agreeing to do something I'm not comfortable with to the extent of feeling violated? Listen to a person I don't know and who do not seem to understand the meaning of respect? Which part of "no" is unclear? I already gave him more than what I am comfortable with and he still wants more. I must learn how men are, who to say okay to, who to reject, and firmly at that. I'm seriously pissed. Maybe I'm just too tired tonight, maybe I over-reacted, maybe I'm even wrong, but I think I'll stay away from stuff like that for a while longer.

On MSN

Last night on MSN,

Benison says:
looks I wont be joining you in nus psych

Benison says:
=)

Stephanie says:
REALLY

Stephanie says:
CONGRATS

Stephanie says:
WHERE

Benison says:
university of california los angeles

Benison says:
hahaha

He's going to UCLA, USA to study Psychology and I'm really, really happy for him. =) Though a bit upset that he won't be in NUS. Oh well, there's always MSN. Shucks, I'm missing him already.

Happy April Fools

Happy April Fools' Day!

Unlike SOME people like dk whose blog unfortunately got hacked by some cat named "aprilfool" spelt backwards, and ping.sg who also very unfortunately got hacked by, I suspect, the owner of ping.sg, my blog shall remain as it is.

Because today is LY's birthday!
Happy Birthday Liu Yin! Wishing you a happy 21st with many happy days ahead of you! Legally an adult already, that's why have a special type of cake for you. =D Just kidding!

I don't like April Fools Day. I get tricked too easily.