Can't sleep

It is 12.38am. I have been online for a long time as usual. I don't feel sleepy and I don't think I'll be able to sleep.

Sigh. Do I have to state explicitly that I am in a not-so-desirable mood? Not to mention that I am nervous about tomorrow (today).

Alumni percussionists

Bumped into Jiaxing, my percussion junior from both XMS and AJ last night, while on the bus to alumni practice. He decided to join us for a while and to look-see. This is the junior I was pissed at long ago for putting his religion over us and making it sound completely ridiculous. This is my batch's direct junior. And boy, can he still play.

Last night we had 4 out of 5 generations of percussionists in one room. In terms of seniority, Zhi Wei and I were the oldest there. Do you know how it feels to see percussionists from across generations gather in one room?

There were not a lot of us, only 6 altogether, about a person from each batch. It was a pity Alvin does not want to play anymore if not there would have been 5 generations.

There was still something missing, though. That link between us, that something which allows us to play as a section and be a section. I wonder if it matters to pull these 5 - 6 people together, but I would really like to feel that sensation again. It won't be me although I am currently the coordinator for the section. I lack the ability to pull people together and I know who can rise up to the role.

Ah, we only have 2 weeks left to performance time. Does it really matter?

I would really love to play with my batch again and some of those from later batches.

Is there really a possibility that I can experience that again? That euphoria and feeling as one.

Music - is it time to give it up?

When I first had contact with music, it was through piano. I was very young then, probably before I was even in primary school. Seriously, I suck at the piano. I took way longer than the other kids to read the notes (I still am) and it was demoralizing to see others advance so quickly. I can't remember if I liked going for music classes then. At that age it was classes in a huge group. I remember enjoying some portions of it, though, and I remember this concert we had to put up, a small dance section. I remember being nervous then. Even then I suck at dance. Haha.

Then I advanced to Grade 1 or 2 and from then on classes became smaller. I remember hating music lessons then. I dreaded going to classes because I was so slow at learning and reading notes compared to the others that my teacher would hit me and scold me. I remember that she would hit my back or my head whenever I play wrong notes. I don't think I told my mother than for reasons I cannot fathom. Maybe I thought that it was alright and it was supposed to be this way. I hated Sundays because that was when my lessons took place at Yamaha Music School. It's that school at Kovan, the one on the second level. Of course at that time it was called Hougang Central or Old Hougang Central or something.

Very soon after that I stopped lessons because of school. I was secretly relieved because now there was no need to be scared every weekend. Unfortunately under some circumstances I resumed lessons at Cristofori Music School at now-Hougang Central a couple of years later. That was for Grade 2, I think. I hated the lessons. It was on Saturdays. I can't convey the amount of fear and hatred I had. I'd tremble, feel extremely cold and want to shit before lessons and during it. The teacher hit my hand whenever I played something wrong. I remember liking playing the piano on my own but hating the lessons.

Last semester I was taking Physics. One of the physics tutor looked very familiar. I think she is the one who taught me piano so many years ago. If you'd like to know, I hate her. Because of the two female piano teachers I had who had no qualms about hitting me, I think I've got something against female piano teachers now.

I passed grade 2/3 and went on to the next grade. This time round I got a male piano teacher. He was a blessing to me. There was still fear when going for lessons but it was substantially lesser. He was so patient with me. Once, he fell asleep while I was figuring out the notes. =D When I passed grade 3, I decided to stop learning piano. It came as a relief to me but I was a bit upset to be leaving this teacher and felt like I had let him down a little.

Secondary school. Wanted to be in choir but didn't get selected. I went into band because I liked the uniform then. =P Blue and white military uniform. I didn't get in through the normal auditioning. In fact, I had no audition at all. The conductor then asked me what can I play and when she heard I can play the piano she dumped me into percussion. Just like that, it changed my life. I wasn't always happy in the section, as Pearlin should know, but it gave me great satisfaction. Somehow, although I had problems with my fingers at the piano, I coped marvelously well with drumsticks and mallets.

To feel the impact of stick on skin, adjusting the sticking to fit in, hearing the texture of sound produced, coordinating the arms, listening to others.

From there I fell in love with music, percussion and band. Friends should know the utter devotion I had to my CCA. Yizhen always recalled the concert when my batch graduated. She said I wanted to skip (or is it I skipped?) dinner just to practice my percussion ensemble part. I think they looked at it too seriously. =)

I brought this enthusiasm to JC.

And was greatly disappointed.

Everything was different. I didn't sense the urgency to improve one's skills, didn't sense the closeness we had in my secondary school band. I was still devoted but my skills just deteriorated. I could listen to the band but hear nothing, play the most emotional piece but feel nothing. Sometimes I regretted going to the JC and regretted joining the band. I lost so much.

NUS band. I went once for the tea session but didn't like what I saw or heard. Coupled with my declining enthusiasm, I decided not to join.

Pearlin invited me to join Studio Percussion Unit (SPU). Eager to get back what I lost, I agreed. Yizhen joined too. Yesterday she quit the group due to other commitments. My agreement's expiring in June and I'm hesitant about whether I should continue. What the group is heading towards is still blurry to me. To say what the group will be aiming for this year is one thing, to say how it will be 3 years from now is another. So far I don't like it there. The aims of the group are different fro mine though I've learnt a lot from them. The group's changing, but I'm uncertain.

I'm not ready to give up percussion or music completely. But yesterday Yizhen quit the group. Somehow things are changing. What do I do?

Drumming and Movement workshop

I went for a drumming workshop that Damien (instructor of SPU) signed us up for today, expecting something on along the lines of western drumming. What I got was totally unexpected.

This workshop is conducted by U theatre, titled Drumming and Movement workshop. I suspect because Damien cannot read Chinese or he hasn't been looking around properly, he didn't find out more about the group. I don't think he also realized that this is one of the groups who are performing A Touch of Zen.

U Theatre is from the suburbs of Taipei and they do their training in the mountains. Until now I'm a bit uncertain as to their background, training and what they actually focus on, but I do know that they're marvellous to watch. Their way of drumming is also very interesting and in a class of its own. I'm not sure if this is how Chinese drumming is supposed to be like, but I'm certain I have not seen anything close to what I've experienced today.
The large gestures, the use of the body and use of martial arts. Their drumming is an art on its own, a totally different world. By the time I finished the workshop, or should I say by the time the workshop was done with me, my arm and legs were aching, I was perspiring and I was deeply interested in learning the basics of this form of drumming. Unfortunately, I don't think I'd ever have the chance to do so.

The workshop was split into 3 sections. The 1st was the warming up, physically stretching in... let's say that they use martial arts basics. I loved every minute of it, although I was obviously very stiff. There was this section where the lady was practically in a split while all of us showed her a very shocked expression then tried hard to at least touch our toes. While she had her entire body flat on the floor between her legs, the rest of us were hunched with our legs spread wide. She showed so much flexibility that I was embarrassed of myself.

The 2nd section was called the Sacred Dance. This dance isn't about technicality. I think it's about concentration and showing your inner state. Putting it simply, it's about coordination of your head, arms and legs. He talked about having 3 centres - Intellectual, physical (I think) and emotional. The first two have to be linked and communicating well in order for you to do the simple dance/coordination of the head, arms and legs properly. Obviously my 2 centres were not coordinating well. In fact there was absolutely no coordination at all because my limbs were everywhere. I was not concentrating and could not concentrate. How accurate a description for my current state - the inability to concentrate, on anything at all, and also having no trust in my body.

The 3rd section was the drumming itself. We played on the Chinese drums and I got the huge one. Like I said, their gestures and styles were really nice. It wasn't only about using their arms and hands. It was also about the body, including the legs. It was also about grace. It's having grace within the strength. You have to watch to understand what I mean. I think Chinese drumming (or this form of drumming?) is really unique.

Thus, if you want, you might want to watch A Touch of Zen. It's by both U Theatre and The Shaolin Temple Wushu Training Centre. What I learned wasn't even a quarter of what they would perform. Zen would be performed at Esplanade Theatre on 3rd and 4th March 2007, at 8pm. Tickets are running out fast so grab whatever you can as fast as possible.

wet blanket

A wet blanket to the previous post.

Christmas is yet another over-blown holiday. Another excuse to spend and party, another public holiday on the calendar.

Oh all 3 sets of today's show was cancelled. So we got allowance for going there and sitting in the room to enjoy the aircon. Damien treated us to dinner at a Peranakan restaurant too. Fantastic dinner.

Didn't wish for Christmas to come because don't want 26th December, results day, to come too. Boxing day, indeed. I'm sure I'll get boxed by my results. Maybe should get a pair of sunglasses.

Pitstop cafe; show tomorrow

Went to Pitstop cafe with 2-four today. It's like mind cafe or settlers, only cheaper. They also provide a photo-taking service and gives you one free photo to paste on the wall as well as to leave a message (of some sort). Fun place to be at and one place where the staff don't tell you to lower down your volume when you get hyped up over a game. It was set up by students, by the way. Click on link above to take a look at how is the place like.

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Show outside Esplanade Waterfront Canopy tomorrow. Christmas Eve, meaning a lot of people if it doesn't rain. Unprepared and nervous, as usual. Kind of hope it rains.

Anyway do pop down tomorrow at 7 or 7.30pm at the Esplanade Waterfront Canopy to give me some pressure watch and give us some support. There are 5 of us on piano, drumset, vibes, marimba and some auxiliaries bringing you up to 20 Christmas pieces. It's 3 half-hour sets starting from 7 or 7.30pm till 10/10.30pm. There should be kind of an alternate show between us and another group at the Outdoor Theatre (the white, sheltered area). So the order's like us, them, us, them, us, them, till we've each done 3 sets.
Pray that I don't screw anything up.

Wishing all a Merry Christmas Eve eve! =)

Jammin'

Me - 8 years percussion experience
Olivia - 1 hour percussion experience.

Olivia: Come, let's jam!

Me: ... ...

Peanut butter jam, strawberry jam, blueberry jam...