So many people waiting for the lift to go up, so many of his friends. We walked up 5 storeys, reached the
Regency. Packed with people. We had to wait outside for people to leave before we could go in. A few wreaths stood outside the door -
"... your beloved son, Cheston"
"... the late Cheston"
Late.
The place was so packed. Mr Cheng and a couple of other teachers were there. Mr Sng was not there, Ms Charlotte Chua was pregnant and not feeling well so she did not come, Mrs. Alice Teo was not present as well and she did not reply Ping Yong's SMS.
We finally got some seats and waited for the rites to stop before all of us went to pay our respects. So many people in the row waiting to offer joss sticks, so many more behind us, so difficult not to cry. When it came to us, 4 of us, Ben, Ping Yong, Esther and I first paid our respects then we walked to the side. After a bit we crowded around the coffin.
He was lying in there with a black blazer and AJ tie. There was a pearl between his lips. His skin had grown dark in places and his lips were too. He lay in that seemingly small yellow-coloured coffin. He was so tall and thin, how could he have fit in? His framed picture was in front of him, framed with flowers. There was a guitar and a pair of drumsticks on top of the coffin, another 2 guitars by the sides, the latest one on his left, an electric guitar bought barely a week ago.
There are many versions of his death, the one I heard is from Jeremy, one of his closer friends. Saturday night/Sunday morning he had supper with a friend, at 3 am he went to bed. Sunday 12 noon saw his grandmother knocking on his door but there was no reply, so she did not disturb him. At 4 pm, she found it a bit weird and called relatives to come over and open his locked door. His whole family was overseas. That was when they found him. They know that it is asthma, but I have no news of how they knew it was that. I do not know how the expired inhaler fit into the story, I do not know if he was holding it or not, but whether or not he used it, it would have been no use. A totally unexpected asthma attack, childhood asthma, heard that he have not had an attack since secondary school. The report for when his attack occurred and how long it lasted is not yet out and might take approximately a month or so.
SMSes were sent out from his phone by Cheston's friend Ching Lee, telling all about the news. Disbelieves, questionings, calls, replies to the SMS pleading for Cheston to tell them it is just a joke. Tears, tears and more tears.
me: I keep thinking it is not real, like he will jump up and say "haha! It is just a joke!"
Jeremy: I wish it would happen, funny as it is, I really wish it would happen.
His mother looks so tired, bursting into tears at times and having to take care of so many people. I didn't see his father, Jeremy says his father is positive so far. His friend, Ching Lee, looks as upset and tired as the mother, and his girlfriend of a month...
We left soon after that because there are people starting to stream in again and the place was small.
I walk, I breathe, I walk, I eat, I complain, I smile. I think, all these things I can do he can no longer do. I see others laughing and some complaining, some wishing to die and I think how he must not have wanted to die. I think of those who waste their life away, and I think of how passionate he was towards his music. We can study, do the things we love, be with the people we love, see them, have them see us, laugh with them, laugh at us, throw tantrums. All these things we can do, all these things we take for granted. I see people my age around me in school and I feel indignant. Why are they living, why am I living, when such a passionate person is gone?
Jin Wei told me today I seemed a little angry, a little less polite, rough. I realize I had unconsciously transferred my thoughts into action. I had seen my those around me and my group mates so happy, see us with what we have and I wonder if they, we, all know how lucky we are to be living a life when he has passed away unwillingly. How much we can do, can we do better than what he might have done if he were still here? Would we make it more worthwhile than him?
Questions. Illogical questions with no answers.
I'm not that close to him, either I have accepted it or it's so surreal I cannot accept it. I believe to some of us he's somehow still here with us, not really gone.
This is the last post for this chapter. Inside, something has ended. I don't know what will happen from now, what will happen to this URL. I'll see you all soon.
*hugs* Thank you all so much. Every one of you reading this has made this blog what it is today, from a mere 10+ readers per day to 50+. Thank you for all your encouragement, my friends, thank you for reading through when I was writing rubbish to when I was emotionally down in the dumps. I hope I was entertaining enough, I hope you all enjoyed reading and I hope to see you all soon. Somewhere in this virtual world.
In memory of Cheston Chik,
16 September 1986 - 21 October 2007.
Always loved and remembered.
Labels: AJC, blog, cheston
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