Statistics makes me happy

I know this will sound very weird.

Statistics really make me very happy. I think math in general makes me very happy. But I'm not very good at them both and very often I am confused and blur when trying to analyze them, but it's nice to deal with them anyway.

So yar, statistics make me happy.

Engine raring

I am finally ready to start being busy again. Some rest I had, abandoning tasks assigned to me. Or maybe I just needed to warm-up. In any case, it feels good.

First day of school

It's the first day of the new semester, a spanking new semester. My final year, finally here. So many ups and downs over the last 3 years with the highest of the "ups" the last semester and the lowest of the "downs" 3 semesters ago.

The first thing that happened today was my handphone battery went flat and somebody in class tripped over my charger wire, bringing my phone smashing down to a terrific crash from table to floor. And everyone turned to look at her. My phone still works. Heh.

Somebody behind me in the queue at arts canteen said she feels good to be back at school. Wanted to turn back and tell her "me too".

The arts canteen has added electronic cash registers at each stall and as a result, higher price for our food. Everything now becomes slower though, because auntie has to key amount into the machine. Shouldn't they charge us lower prices for the extra time spent waiting? I don't like the new prices, too expensive.

Friend says,

everything price hike
but standard nv hike

Had lunch with Ming Zhu. =) She says she's a little nervous, like when it's our first day at Secondary School during Sec 1 and 2. A little apprehensive, a little excited. I don't wish to graduate, she can't wait to graduate. It's her final semester.

Stepped into first class, Evolutionary Psychology. Said hi to a course mate I've seen around in school and he hands me a survey to fill in for his research. I giggle.

Waved hi to few more people. Jinwei comes in then Kai Qin comes in, so we sit together at the front row. Fidelia comes in next and sits next to her friend.

The 3 hour seminar starts. A/P John Elliott starts his lecture and I feel like I'm back in Developmental Psychology, only that this is a lot more interesting.

I wonder how will this semester turn out.

It really feels good to be back at school.

School's starting... and ending

I'm looking at the class rosters for the modules I'm taking this semester. Saw some very familiar names, some familiar, some recognizable, others nagging at the back of my mind. A wave of nostalgia suddenly overwhelms me and there is the urge to cry. I don't know most of them yet I feel like I know them, both at the same time.

If everything goes well, I will be graduating in a year. I miss school and my course mates already, though I hardly know them. *wipes away a tear* This is so silly.

That level-5000 module

I have a male cousin who's doing his Master studies in Psychology at NUS. Today I SMSed him about the textbook for a level 5000 statistics course, thinking that perhaps he had taken it in previous semesters before or something so I could borrow the book because the book is horrendously expensive.

He gave me the most horrific answer I have heard today,

I'm taking the same module as you this semester. Hee.

*points to sidebar* Me is undergraduate, and a very lousy one. He is Master student. I need to do some revision before going to class.

Depression and suicide

I look at my blog and the layout makes me feel very, very, very claustrophobic.

And I can feel the swing of my mood towards depressive again. Ok, there's got to be a long term way of dealing with this depressive part of me. Unless you've ever gone through one of these depressive states, you don't really fully comprehend how difficult and painful the whole episode is. I won't say I fully comprehend because I know of some people whom, I believe, have gone through lower mood swings than me.

I'm not talking about common low emotions here, but a state of mood that's so low and lasts so long that it's really scary (to the person).

It's not something that, how most people believe, can be easily dealt with the all-too-common phrase "just forget it and be happy". Trust me, saying that to somebody depressed or in a depressive mood is no help at all. In fact, minimizing it would only make the person feel worse because it indicates to the person that you don't understand at all or think it's simply stupid. Sadly, that's what most people believes, that when a person is depressed, the person is being stupid.

It might be very difficult to understand it at all, that much I know because I am also guilty of having minimized somebody else's problem before. The least we can do is to accept what the person is saying he feels.

I don't really remember how being, here I use the term loosely, depressed, felt and I really don't wish to experience it, not to that extent ever again. I believe some understand what I mean, the hopelessness, helplessness and lethargy. When I'm in that state, I force myself to do things. Things like walking, bathing, studying, eating, talking and smiling. Things like getting up from the chair and answering to a question. Anything that require moving any part of my body.

I had walked along roads and felt the urge to just step out in front of the vehicles. Somebody else I know has told me she once felt like that too. Some time ago when in normal state, I have made a pact with myself that if ever depressed and thinking of suicide, I will not ever do it, however strong is the urge, because I know I will regret it. It is the one thing I will keep in mind and abide by, force myself if I need to, regardless of how things are. Haha, sometimes single-mindedness does help a lot.

Once told cousin before that in any case she feels like contemplating suicide, to always remember my pimply face telling her to stop. I don't know how to explain it, in the beginning it's something like forcing yourself to believe in something you don't, then later on you (hopefully) simply believe in that sentence - "I'll regret it". I'd just keep repeating to myself in my head. I believe most people don't really want to commit suicide.

Which reminds me - if somebody ever tells you she/he is contemplating suicide, don't ever dismiss it. The more plans a person has made regarding his/her suicide, the more likely he/she will go ahead with it. If somebody tells you he/she is thinking about suicide, it really is a cry for help.

Project Love Box; Volunteering

Christmas is 2 months 6 days away. Every Christmas most of us would receive gifts from family and friends. This Christmas, why not do something special and grant a kid his/her wish?

Project Love Box is an initiative by Every Nation Church (Singapore) helping disadvantaged and needy children in Singapore have their Christmas wish come true with the help of the public. It don't matter what age you are, as long as you feel that you would like to and is capable of making a kid happy this Christmas, then you can help.

Every Nation Church (Singapore) has collated a list of items the kids would like here. Each wish comes with the name of the kid, age and the level of education the kid is receiving now. The gifts are pretty standard actually and mostly affordable, if not individually then shared among a few people. It's kind of funny to see the younger kids requesting for identical items, I think they probably have a list of items to choose from or these items were suggested by the in-charge of this initiative.

In any case that you are interested, click here. Or if you are not, you can still check it out. The steps are as follows:

1) Select the gift you and/or your friends would like to sponsor,
2) Fill in contact information at the bottom of the page,
3) Confirmation email will be sent to you with a Gift ID (to be printed out and pasted on your gift), when and where to deposit your gift (collection point),
4) Shop for the gift you have chosen to sponsor,
5) Wrap up your gift and tag it with Gift ID. Feel free to include a personal note to the child in the gift. If you leave your mailing address, the child might be able to write back to you,
6) Bring the wrapped and tagged gift to the specified collection centres on collection dates.

Actually this is only a small group of children. There are lots of needy and disadvantaged people out there whom we can help over the course of the year, not only during Christmas. This isn't the largest initiative, there are lots of other initiatives around worth taking part in. I just thought I'd blog about this and bring to everybody's attention that besides receiving, we could also give and it is about time we did.

Coincidentally, a friend was doing a project on volunteerism. I'm sorry to say that I have not volunteered before in my life, unless you count compulsory Community Involvement Project (CIP) as voluntary, which I do not. One of the questions his survey asked was why I'd never volunteered.

I said that it is scary.

Explained to him that from the time I went to IMH for the introduction to volunteering there, I realized how truly afraid I am of the patients and of volunteering as a whole. I am ashamed to view them as an outcasts and as "crazy", despite knowing about their mental illnesses. Every fibre in me wanted to get away from them, yet my mind told me it is wrong to feel this way. How ironic when you consider my course of study. I feel like I'm turning my back on everything I've learnt and my beliefs, lost this trust in myself. That day at IMH, I had looked at the volunteers with respect because they were doing something I don't know if I'd ever be able to do. Then there were also others there whose expressions I believe mirrored mine - uncertainty, fear, disbelief and yet more fear. That was the day I wondered why am I studying what I'm studying if I cannot bear to face these patients, if I am even fit for this vocation or anything related to it.

My friend told me that it is very normal to feel this way about people who were different from us and that he feels this way too. He told me that his Vietnamese group mates thought that for Singaporeans to feel this way is very odd and callous. For them, this sort of "abnormality" is everywhere. It is no more an abnormality but instead part of everyday life, something they deal with, I think. Whereas for us, those who are not normal by our standards are segregated, put out of sight and thus out of mind, until the day we are forced to face this reality and the rejection comes naturally. I believe it isn't only in Singapore that this happens, that in many developed countries this is the norm.

Maybe we are all too caught up with our pursuits of achievement to look around and realize that the world don't revolve around only us. Maybe we could all take that tiny step out, do something against that fear.

I once talked to somebody vaguely about what I felt. He knew where these patients came from and if I'm not wrong, he said I can't help them. I didn't understand what he meant then, I'm not sure if I understand what he meant now but I agree that I can't help them in terms of curing them. All we can do is to make life a little bit better for them and help the nurses there a little as well.

There is much to learn.

Awake

It's 6.34am, Saturday, 13th October 2007. Public Holiday.

Accidentally fell asleep at about 11pm the night before and woke up at 4.30am today. Not even 7 hours of sleep. Why am I awake (and opting to stay awake) so freaking early?

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Awake - a man named Clive Wearing, sufferer of one of the worst cases of memory loss. Suffering from retrograde amnesia, the inability to remember the past, yet also unable to form new memories about the present. He sees something or talks to someone, but barely remembers it for a few seconds. He blinks and the next moment he forgets what that thing is for, who that person is, or that they had a conversation. For him it is "Forever today".

Desperate on wanting to make sense of what was happening, he started keeping a journal. However, every line and entry was similar. Hundreds and hundreds of such pages.

But his journal entries consisted, essentially, of the statements “I am awake” or “I am conscious,” entered again and again every few minutes. He would write: “2:10 P.M: This time properly awake. . . . 2:14 P.M: this time finally awake. . . . 2:35 P.M: this time completely awake,” along with negations of these statements: “At 9:40 P.M. I awoke for the first time, despite my previous claims.” This in turn was crossed out, followed by “I was fully conscious at 10:35 P.M., and awake for the first time in many, many weeks.” This in turn was cancelled out by the next entry.

Read more about him through this article titled "The Abyss - Music and amnesia" by Oliver Sacks in The New Yorker.

Think Big - Quote; Following

Follow the tugs that come from the heart. I think that everyone gets these gentle urges and should listen to them. Even I they sound absolutely insane, they may be worth going with.

– Victoria Moran

Last night my mother said that I should not have studied Psychology because there is nothing to do in Singapore and that one has to go overseas for further studies to practice it.

Hurt and angry, I indignantly told her that I wanted to study it. She got pissed off with my response. What was I supposed to answer then? Answer with a nod? I'm very stubborn, when I think I'm right, I really think I'm right. When I was younger, I already knew that I wanted to study Psychology. I have no idea how I knew, can't remember when it was either. But the moment I knew there was such a thing, I knew I would be studying that. Choosing which faculty to enter in University thus was never difficult although I came from a science background and my grades allowed entry into faculties with a science-basis.

Veering away a bit, if I told you now that Psychology is really a science, would you believe it? Or would you raise doubts? How can a course studying human behaviour, as varied as it is, be a science? It is because we have theories and models, we have statistics, we conduct experiments, we try to be as "clean" and "science" as possible in analysis. You'd be surprised at how human behaviour can be really standard at times, how things can be explained step-by-step. Yet despite its rigidity, there is flexibility within. At times when it is flexible, it is really flexible. From "error size" in statistics we move to continuums, where mental disorders cannot always be classified, where patients have such varied symptoms, criteria typically set and agreed on are but a gauge and not to be taken word for word.

A talk with senior Alvin left me fairly clear as to what I should do and where I should be headed. I have wasted time and paid little attention to my studies, I realize now how important this is to me. Mine is a specialized field and if I'm studying it, then I might as well go all the way. Wow, the realization sure came late. Right now I don't know what I can achieve, don't know what will happen, don't know how far I can go with my grades. All I know is that I can't stop my studies at Bachelor's or Honours level. I don't know if I can achieve it. Frankly, I doubt my own abilities and I fear that I will never get to further my studies, instead reduced to the same status as everybody else, keeping to a (mostly) 9 to 5 routine with an hour lunch break or so. Have I ever mentioned how I hate the smell on my clothes after coming back from lunch break after work?

Something inside me is telling me this is not the end yet. Ok, let's see how far I can go.

Psychology Talk by SPS

The Singapore Psychological Society (SPS) organizes a public talk, The Human Brain - A Journey of Discovery.

Date: Sun, 22 Jul
Venue: NLB @ Bugis
Time: 2-3pm
Cost: $4 per person (Please proceed to lvl 5, Imagination Room, to register and make payment)
Contact: Book a place at edutalk.sps@gmail.com

What is the purpose of the talk?

The talk is a response to increasing interest by the public on what psychologist do. To increase the general public's understanding of our work and areas, SPS is bringing forward a series of talks with relevant and considerably "lighter" topics.

Why is this talk interesting?

It's about clinical psychology. Dr Donald Yeo from SGH is our guest speaker and he can provide you with excellent intro to the world of clinical psychology. (His specialised area is Clinical Neuropsychology).
You can also stay after the talk to enjoy the refreshment and to chat with Dr. Donald Yeo to learn more from him.

Who are encouraged to attend?

Everyone is welcome. Your friends and relatives can all attend.
I'm proud to invite those who are joining us in pursuing psychology to join the talk! Before you start lesson, it might be interesting to expose yourself to psychology talks to widen your horizons.
For those who ARE doing psychology now, this may be irrelevant to you, but if your friends and family are interested or want to learn more about what you are studying, they are welcomed to attend the talk!

Pain

When I get really upset, sometimes I inflict a little pain on myself. It helps in a thwarted way. Ironic, isn't it, that I who study Psychology turn to this.

The skin on the underarm is softer and easier to penetrate. The skin on the outside of your upperarm is tougher. There is more pain and it feels better if you go for your underarm since it's more direct than your upperarm skin. I don't like legs because too much flesh and the pain seems too far away.

Where do you prefer?

Random (work, dinner & dreams)

It is 11.22pm. Am aware I have to blog and I do have stuff to blog about but I have work tomorrow and I am tired.

Crap, I just realized I forgot to call home today to ask somebody to return my library books.

Work is still work, nothing much to talk about. Helped LY a little on the recruitment aspect because she lost her voice almost completely and was not at work today. Let's just say I realized I would really like to take up a sales assistant job again. Odd, but I actually miss the interaction.

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Met Ridzuan for dinner again. I don't understand why we ended up at mcdonald's at Forum when there were at least 2 others along the stretch from MRT onwards. Finally returned him a treat. Then we chatted. Rather, he talked and I listened. It is so complicated that I am frankly amazed at what he is thinking about. I don't understand why things cannot be simple. No. I understand why things cannot be simple, but why must things be so complicated? Or is it that because people view it in more complicated ways?

Politics and business. I don't think I can ever go into either of these. Too naive. So naive that I can be backstabbed and I probably wouldn't know.

Frankly amazed. I mean he's my size leh, though two years my senior, but *scratch head*... Age really do a lot of things. Ok, I am just frankly amazed at seniors who have particular type of mindsets.

Adrian's rum brownie is actually nice. Though I don't really like sweet cakes, his rum brownie is sweet but not too sweet, and the rum taste is strong. There was a warm sensation in my throat after having a few bites. Slightly crusty upper layer too with some ingredients inside the brownie that I forgot.

I don't think I have ever eaten a brownie before. It seemed cruel to eat one of the fairy folks.

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I am glad that DK has made his choice of quitting his (much hated) job and picking up a skill while he is unemployed. The first very crucial step in chasing his dream.

I don't have a dream. I'm very easily happy. I just want to continue blogging, read more on mental illnesses (provided I can stop fidgeting enough to sit and read) and have a job I don't dread going to then I am happy.

Ok, I lied. My dream is to be good enough to be a Clinical or Counseling Psychologist, preferably the former. Not just study enough to be one, but to actually be a decent psychologist. First steps are always important. My first step at volunteering had no response from the institution. I have to take more first steps. Need to have more confidence in myself and less fear. Too much fear.

Kids again - conversation

Taken from cousin's blog,

Dad: "Tie the plastic bag (so that fruits will not drop out) and just put them on the floor..."

Me:" Aiya..let brother take with him since he sitting at the back..."

Dad:"Oh..then just put at the backseat lor..."

Brother: "Then need to put seatbelts for the fruits ma?"

Haha!

Jenny says my blog got Olivia, very cute. But since it's only my sister, I have decided to incorporate what some other kids say too to give it some variety.

Actually I feel that Piaget's form of education is quite good. Not to force upon the child adult concepts until their cognition is well developed enough to cope with such thoughts. If we force, it'll only bring on frustration and tension in the relationship because we try to make them understand something they simply cannot understand, and I really see no point in that. OK, make no sense to you all, I know. =P

Anyway, what my cousin's brother (who is also of course my cousin -_-") just displayed might just be termed animistic thinking, the attribution of life-like qualities to inanimate objects because of the child's inability to see from another person's point of view, i.e egocentrism. In this case he is unable to see from the fruits' point of view (I mean the fruits has no eyes, but it's something like that) and so assume that everybody and everything thinks the same way as him. Of course this is according to Piaget.

Now you all know what I study in Developmental Psychology. No, it is NOT cute, what I'm studying. Try to multiply that sort of information by 10,000 times. That's the amount of information I have to remember. And it includes things like step 1 of learning language: categorical perception of speech.

Visual neglect

Visual neglect occurs when one side of the parietal lobe in the brain is damaged, leading the person to only perceive areas opposite to the damaged parietal lobe. It does not necessarily mean that the whole left visual field cannot be seen if the right parietal lobe is damaged or vice-versa because both lobes receive information from both eyes. If a patient is asked to draw what he/she sees, he/she is likely to draw the below:

Images taken from here

A man with visual neglect may shave only one side of his face, encounter objects which suddenly appear and so on. He is usually able to identify the half-drawn image, i.e name the image, but simply cannot draw the whole image nor imagine the other side.

Visual Neglect - Visual Imperception

Cerebral injury from stroke or other trauma may cause visual imperception also called visual neglect, hemispatial agnosia, visual/spatial neglect, and hemi-imperception. It is a passive unconscious decreased awareness of part of the field of view or other stimuli to one side of the body. It usually occurs with a visual field defect, but may occur without loss of field.

A person without visual imperception, but with a visual field loss would still be aware of the area of loss and be more likely to make compensations. A person with both visual field loss and visual imperception would unconsciously neglect the area of the field loss and thus be less likely to compensate for the defect.

Damage to the right side of the brain may cause both visual field loss and visual imperception to the left side. Right brain injury neglect is usually more severe than left brain injury neglect. The most common site for visual imperception is the parietal lobe, but damage to frontal lobe and even the deeper structure (thalamus and basal ganglia) may cause visual imperception.

The treatment of visual imperception is still limited. It begins with teaching the patient to be aware of the neglected side often through occupational therapy. If the patient has a visual field defect, visual field awareness prism may be beneficial, followed by intense occupational therapy.

Extract retrieved here

PSIConnection; life

PSIConnection, Psychology Career Talk today. I'm one of the aisle ushers. It was interesting and I learned a lot of stuff. By the way, JY, if you want to know about the career of a psychologist in the police force can just ask me out, though I think you'd be more interested in work as a police officer or CNB officer. =) I have a few ideas about how it is, and will tell you what I know.

Two of my cousins attended the talk today. One is from James Cook University (JCU) and the other is pursuing an Honours degree in NUS. 3 cousins, 3 psychology students in the same room. Only left one more psychology-student-cousin, don't know doing what at home. =P

Talked to a friend of mine during the break today. I shan't divulge much, just that I'm shocked and surprised, but really admire him for his courage to have carried on so far. His pain I can never understand but I wish that he'll continue to have the courage to live on bravely. Music is his escapade and I sincerely hope it will help him heal.

So much in a life. What you become is shaped by what you go through, but also by your point of view and how you deal with things. So much to say but don't know how to say it. I'm feeling so much inside, but in the end it really doesn't matter except to wish him well.

Extremely tired, but how can this tiredness compare to that which he feels? My tiredness is a physical one, easily cured of by sleep. His is a mental exhaustion which can only be cured of with time.

How little I know.

IT show; Psychology Career Talk; cheating

In case you don't know yet, the IT show 2007 is currently ongoing at Suntec City Exhibition Centre, on levels 3, 4 (halls 401 - 404) and 6 (601 - 603). It'll be there until 11th March 2007, which is this Sunday.

Please try to get out of there in one piece and in your original shape.

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The NUS Psychology Society (NUSPsyche) is organizing a career talk on 17th March 2007, Saturday. If you're are an aspiring psychologist and would like to learn more about the different careers in this field, do pop down for a look. Or go down and disturb me because I'm the aisle usher. Tickets are priced at $4 for NUSPsyche members and $6 for non-members. Tickets allow you in for all sessions from 9am to 4pm. The event is held at NUS, LT29. For enquiries, contact Wei Wei at 94232863 (NUS). For tickets, contact Jamie at 97412147 or jamiethong@nus.edu.sg

Schedule and Sessions:

9 - 9.30am Registration

9.30 - 10.45am Session 1

Ministry of Education
Singapore General Hospital/Clinical Neuropsychology

11am - 12.15pm Session 2

Singapore Prison Services
Research & Teaching

12.15 - 1pm LUNCH

1.15 - 2.30pm Session 3

Addictive Behaviour
Dyslexia Association of Singapore

2.45 - 4pm Session 4

Gleneagles Hospital/Clinical Counselling
Singapore Police Force

*Schedule subject to changes

Heh, cousin must be looking at the Singapore Police Force with interest. =) Go down take a look? Maybe can combine what you're studying now with where you want to work.

See the red circle at the top? That's LT29. Click image for larger version.


See the star in the middle of the picture? That's LT29. Click image for larger version.

Don't know route can ask me. I'll try not to let you get lost.
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Seriously, are NUS professors that dumb? It's ridiculous. Read here. Hope the person will get his grades.

On a side note, if it were you, you are to write a letter and you are very angry about this matter, would you let your emotions show in the letter? Or would it jeopardize your chances of getting what's yours?

Classical conditioning

Do you believe that your genes are what solely shapes you?

Watch this video on youtube on an famous psychology experiment done by John Watson on an orphan Little Albert.

Every sound in this video was subbed, including the clanging noise because at that time videos made had no sound at all.

This particular experiment is called Classical Conditioning where a particular response can be elicited by the presence of a particular object. For instance, you give your dog a biscuit, your dog salivates at the biscuit. You keep giving your dog a biscuit everyday and every time, your dog salivates at the biscuit. Soon when your dog sees you, he salivates. The biscuit is called the Unconditioned Stimulus (US) and salivating is called the Unconditioned Response (UR) when the dog salivates at the biscuit. Salivating naturally occurs when the dog sees the biscuit. If you keep giving your dog a biscuit and the dog now salivates at the sight of you, you are now the Conditioned Stimulus (CS) and salivation is now the Conditioned Response (CR). Salivation is now called CR because salivation occurs when the dog sees you and not only at the biscuit. Of course after a while when you stop presenting the dog with the biscuit, the dog will stop salivating at the sight of you.

This is exactly the same thing for Little Albert. The loud noise is the US, the white rat is the CS and the fear is now the CR. Unfortunately we don't know if after that Little Albert still has a fear of furry things since he was adopted before he could be re-conditioned.

There's also operant conditioning. Think classical and operant are the two types of conditioning. Watson called it Behaviourism - where the environment solely shapes the person. However, now we know that both genes and environment interact to form the person.

Watch a funnier version of the video here.